DONE...

Okay, so since the last update I have nervously been awaiting my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Wei. I had come up with my list of questions and was just ready to get the appointment over with. Ever since I met with him, before I even started chemo, I was not happy when he told me that I needed radiation. First of all, his reason for radiation was basically because the cancer had spread to my sentinel lymphnode, however, during surgery I had that lymphnode along with 19 others removed. Secondly, I wasn't happy because that makes reconstruction that much harder since I had my expander removed. It makes it harder because it hardens the chest wall which means we can't put the expander back in without having a muscle flap procedure which is a lot more painful and a lot more difficult. When he first told me I had to have radiation, I cried. I went to see my plastic surgeon to find out what my options were and that is when I found out it would be at least another year before I could think about having surgery again. I was really upset but then I began to come to terms with it. I figured that I went into this knowing that I was going to do everything I could possibly do to prevent the cancer from coming back. So, I knew that once chemo was over, I would wait 4-5 weeks and then I would begin radiation. Then the last day of chemo came and I knew that radiation was right around the corner and I had questions. I was just so nervous though going into that appointment, Dr. Wei thinking we are having a quick consult planning the next step only for me to let him know that I wasn't sure I wanted radiation, the reasons why and to question him. I know that is my right but I didn't want to feel like I was making the wrong decision so I needed to get my questions answered then decide what was best. Ryan picked me up and we headed over to the Cancer Center, my second home. We actually got there 15 minutes early so I thought for sure I would go back on time. An hour later, after watching people come in and go back, I was finally called back. We went back into an exam room and waited another 15 minutes. I could hear Sharlee and Dr. Wei talking outside the door and I wondered if she was giving him the heads up about what I was thinking. Finally, they came in. Dr. Wei started talking about radiation and the reasons to have it and not to have it. He told me that there is a gray area when deciding to have radiation when you have one positive lymphnode. He said that typically if the cancer on that lymphnode is under 2mm you don't do radiation but if it is 2mm or bigger you do and mine was exactly 2mm. Of course it was!! Anyway, he then began to say that I also had 19 other lyphnodes removed which I don't think he realized when we met the first time. He also said that there is no research or statistics to back up having radiation when there is only one positive lymphnode and you have 19 removed. He asked if I had any questions and of course I didn't because he had already answered every one I had written down. So, with that being said, I DON'T NEED RADIATION!!!!! I couldn't believe it when he said that. He said that he just couldn't justify doing radiation knowing that it wouldn't necessarily improve my survival especially since I am also going to begin taking Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressing drug for 10 years. He said that he felt that I really had done everything I could possibly do to prevent my cancer from returning. Of course if it ever comes back, I will FIGHT again!! I couldn't believe that my treatment is finally DONE!!! NO MORE CHEMO AND NO RADIATION!!! I meet with Dr. Bhatia on the 25th and then I will really feel DONE!!! Lastly, when I left the Cancer Center I immediately called Dr. Stahlnecker, my plastic surgeon to set up an appointment so that we can begin to plan for reconstructive surgery!! I see him May 8th and there we will come up with a date for the 1st surgery which will hopefully be withing the next few months, after vacation of course because Ryan and I REALLY NEED a vacation :) So, with treatment being complete I only have 2 surgeries left and then this will all be behind me and I will be a SURVIVOR!!!!

CHEMO IS OVER...

  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S ACTUALLY OVER!!!! When I began this journey 6 months ago everything seemed so overwhelming and so far away. We were going to multiple dr.s appointments each week for months getting pumped full of information and plans. Chemo seemed so far away. Now, by the grace of God, it's over and I'm done with chemo!! When I walked in the Cancer Center December 13th for my first cycle, I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect and not knowing how I was going to feel in the weeks between that treatment and the next. The first cycle was a little rough considering I didn't have my port yet so they had to stick me multiple times to draw blood then again to start the chemo infusion. I was already fairly bruised by the time I left and said that I had to have my port by the next treatment and I did. The first 3 weeks between treatments went pretty well. I did have some side effects that were unpleasant but I actually felt pretty good once they subsided. When I returned for my 2nd cycle and reported my side effects they told me that my fatigue and some of the other symptoms would be cumulative meaning that with each treatment they would continue building in my system and I would probably feel worse and worse and more and more tired each time. Well, cumulative it has been but I will say, it has all been worth it so far to beat cancer! So, as I mentioned, chemo is over and it officially ended March 28, 2014!!!!

LAST CHEMO...CHECK!!

Genetic Testing...

While in chemo of Friday I received a call from my Genetic Counselor Kaylee. After speaking with her in February I decided to go ahead with the BreastNext genetic testing panel which would test 18 genes. By testing these 18 genes I would know if I am at risk for any other types of cancer and I may also find out where my breast cancer came from if there are any mutations. I was hoping that there would be ZERO mutations because of course I don't want to be at an increased risk for other cancers but then again I was kind of hoping to have a mutation on that breast cancer gene because I wanted to know where my cancer came from. Well, the results are in and I couldn't be happier!! Analyses of 18 genes was NEGATIVE and I was found to NOT be a carrier of a mutation for any of the genes. This means that I do not have the associated increased risks for breast and other cancers associated with these genes!! With that being said, since there was no mutation on the breast cancer gene, so we still don't know where my cancer came from. However, I am ok with that because that also means I am not at an increased risk for it to come back. That also means that this cancer had to come from something environmental or something I have ingested which is scary! 

What's next...

Monday, April 7 we will meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I have many questions for him and am uncertain that radiation is the way I want to go. There are so many long term effects and I am not sure I want to be part of those. I will hear him out though and get my questions answered then make my decision from there. If I do decide to move forward with radiation, it would start in about 4 weeks. Once it is complete 6 weeks later I could potentially begin reconstruction next year sometime. If I decide to not move forward with radiation, I will be able to contact my Plastic Surgeon and move forward with reconstruction in the next few months. So, we shall see :) 

Almost to the finish line...

LAST ONE...
Reflecting back, I can't believe how far I've come as well as how fast things have happened. Friday, March 28th I reach the end of chemo!!! I am so excited to be done I can't stand it!! It is crazy that it has been 6 months since my diagnosis, 5 months since surgery and 3 months since I began chemo. SO MUCH has happened in such a short time. When I learned that I would have chemo, the first thing I did was rush out to find a wig because I knew for sure I didn't want anyone to know I was bald. I bought a wig that looked like the hairstyle I had which was long, layered and highlighted. Then, I cut my hair and not long after that I shaved my head. Since being bald, I can say I have only worn my wig a handful of times. I was so worried about it and yet, once all my hair was gone I didn't really care. When it has been cold outside I have worn a warm toboggan on my head and now that it has gotten warmer, well, I won't get carried away, not really warm but not brutally cold, I have been wearing scarves and Chemo Beanies which are so much more comfortable on my head. Since surgery, my range of motion has returned however, it is still difficult to pick up anything the slightest bit heavy and not feel it in my chest right away or the day after. That will come with time though. I will probably start feeling back to normal when it is time for my next surgery then I'll be starting all over. Oh well, that's the way it goes :) Also, since beginning chemo I have blown up I feel, like an Oompa Loompa lol!! Something they don't tell you is, with all the steroids, no matter how hard you try to be healthy, you are going to gain weight. I couldn't go to the gym because of risks of the germs and getting sick but I tried to stay active, however, those steroids slowed my metabolism tremendously. I guess I'll just have to work harder at the gym. Anyway, within 6 months, I received my diagnosis, had 3 surgeries and have had, by Friday, six 5hr cycles of chemo. I will be so glad when I don't have to sit in that chair for half the day every 3rd Friday!! After my last chemo treatment, I will see the Radiation Oncologist April 7 to talk about when I will start radiation. I will at least get a 4-5 week break before it starts. So, I am almost to the finish line as far as chemo is concerned!!! I have just one more step before I am done with treatment then I have 2 more surgeries but at least treatment will be over :)

Look Good Feel Better...
Monday evening I went to the LGFB program that is put on by the American Cancer Society. It is a program for women that are receiving cancer treatment whether it be chemo, radiation or both. When I arrived, there were only 2 of us in the class which isn't typical they said. The other girl there looked fairly young, like me. We began the class by watching a video about the program then we got to open our little bag of goodies they gave us which contained makeup. LGFB is free of charge and is a workshop to teach beauty techniques to female cancer patients to help combat the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment. When opening the bag I was surprised to find all types of makeup, makeup brushes, moisturizing cream and nail polish. All of these things are donated to ACS by the company that makes them for the purpose of this workshop. We had so much fun learning how to fill in our eyebrows and making it look like we had more eyelashes than we actually do! We also learned new ways to tie a scarf and we tried on some wigs just for fun. When the class was almost over, the other girl in the class and I began to share our stories. I found out that she is 33 years old and also has breast cancer which ran in her family. She began doing chemo first and has not yet had surgery. She also found her lump on accident and was diagnosed 1 month after I was. Our stories were very similar however, she had so many questions about surgery since she has yet to decide what surgery to do and I was so happy to share my experience with her and I hope it will help her to decide what is best for her. It was also really nice talking to someone close to my age and going through the same thing. It was nice and sad at the same time. Sad because we are too young to be going through this and it seems like there are more and more young women being diagnosed with breast cancer every day. So, with that being said, CHECK THOSE TA-TAs!!!!

1 MORE LEFT...

Save time. That was what I was trying to do when scheduling to have my blood work done the day before chemo. Save time is what I didn't do lol!!! Thursday, the day before chemo I arrived at 12:40, 5 minutes before my appointment to have my blood drawn. I thought for sure I would go in on time since a blood draw was all I was having done. Forty-five minutes passed and there I was, still waiting. I had just had a coffee and really had to go to the bathroom but I knew that as soon as I went they would call my name. Then I thought, "who am I kidding? I've been waiting 45 min, I might as well just go because they obviously aren't calling my name anytime soon." So, I get up and head into the bathroom. I took my time and went ahead and wiped the numbing lotion off of my port so that was one less thing we had to do when I went back. I washed my hands and walked out and what do you know, as soon as I opened the bathroom door I heard "Holly Pennywitt". I thought to myself, "maybe I should have gone to the bathroom sooner." Anyway, I went back and as I sat down the Phlebotomist asked, "Are we accessing your port today?" and I said "Oh yes!" I'm not about to be poked 100 times because my veins want to be difficult when I can easily have my blood drawn from my port. I know it is a much bigger ordeal since it has to be a sterile process but that's how we were going to do it. So, I had to move to the other room because it had to be accessed by a nurse. While getting everything ready the nurse asked me, first "how long have you had your port" and I answered "3 months", next "have you ever had any problems accessing your port" to which I answered "no, none at all." She said, "ok great because some people have tricks to accessing their ports because they have had issues." I assured her that mine has been perfect so far. Once ready she says, "ok now, 1, 2, 3...uh oh, this doesn't feel right." I'm thinking, "are you kidding me? There have NEVER been any issues, just smooth sailing and now all of a sudden, uh oh?" She said, "hmmm, that's weird, I know I stuck it right in the middle, let me try again." I mean, c'mon, this is the reason I got the port, so I don't have to be stuck multiple times, but luckily, I had the numbing lotion on so I couldn't feel it. Again, "1, 2, 3,....mmm, got it!" Yes, finally! She proceeded to draw my tubes of blood and of course made small talk because it is awkward when it's just the 2 of you and you sit in silence but then again, the small talk can be awkward too lol! Within about 5 min the blood was drawn then we were de-accessing my port and I was out of there thinking that I was glad this part was done so that we could save an hour at chemo.

CHEMO DAY #5...
Same thing just a different chemo day :) Ryan picked me up at 12:30 and we headed to the Cancer Center where we arrived at 1:00. I signed in and thought I would for sure go back soon especially since I already had my blood work done. Then, another 45 min later I heard my name. I went back and did the normal stuff, saw the normal people then waited, yep that's what I said, waited. This time I had already done my blood work the day before so I didn't have to wait for that but I did have to wait for my anti-nausea meds and chemo to be mixed in the pharmacy. So, needless to say, time was not saved. We actually got out of there an hour later than the time before when I had my blood work done that day. We left around 6:30. Oh well, I of course went ahead and scheduled for my blood work to be done the day before my next treatment which also happens to be #6, my LAST & FINAL treatment!!!!!!!!! I.CAN.NOT.WAIT to be done with this part of the journey :) I also can't wait for my hair to start growing back lol!! I know it won't be overnight and will probably take awhile to really start growing in but I still can't wait!! Sometime after my last treatment I will meet with Dr. Wei, my Radiation Oncologist and we will begin radiation but we have to wait 4-5 weeks after my last treatment because we have to make sure my white blood count has come back up. I just can't believe it has already almost been 6 months since the diagnosis that changed my life, 4.5 months since surgery, I've completed 5 chemo treatments and I am getting ready for my LAST ONE!!!!! It has all gone so quickly, it almost doesn't seem possible but the support has been tremendous and I can actually say that I am 1 step closer to kicking cancer's butt!!! I more step to go :)

Chemo #5

Since chemo...

I would have posted sooner but since chemo I have had this awful virus. This time it was Monday before the side effects hit me. I had the normal nausea which this time I just decided after talking with my nurses to take my Zofran scheduled so that the nausea didn't get out of control and it worked. I did however have that awful taste I get in my mouth. I absolutely hate it because everything tastes bad, even water, UGH! Sunday I had started with a cough and was SO TIRED but other than that I was alright. By Monday I started feeling a little different than normal. I checked my temp and it was low grade at 99.5. So I started taking NyQuil and stayed in bed all day. Normally I would hate that but honestly I didn't want to get up. By Tuesday I wasn't any better so I called the Cancer Center because I didn't want it to get worse and I talked to the Triage Nurse who said my NP said based on my symptoms it sounded like a virus so continue treating it over the counter and if my temp gets above 100 to call back. I did what she said, continued with the NyQuil and stayed in bed. By that night I felt like I had the flu and I had a temp of 100.3. Yikes! Well, it was too late to call the Cancer Center so I took some Tylenol and told Ryan that if it was still up in the morning I would call. By Wednesday my temp was all over the place but it didn't go above 100. I then started taking Sudafed thinking maybe it would work because the NyQuil obviously wasn't working. I took it scheduled through Wednesday and Thursday and finally by Friday I could get out of bed and function like a normal human being lol!! Thank goodness because I don't think I could take another full day in bed! The dogs were in heaven laying in bed with me all day for almost a week but I was so ready to see some daylight. Now, since I have been able to function since Friday, I have still not left the house. I mean, I have been outside but I have been NOWHERE since last Sunday so we are looking at a week and a day here folks!! Oh well, at least I am feeling so much better, only tired which is to be expected...HALLELUJAH!!

Oh and don't forget to click on the link below to register and join my Race for the Cure team!!

Holly's Rack Pack

Chemo sucks but I can do hard things...

OK, so after today I will have 1.MORE.LEFT!!!! I can really say I AM ALMOST DONE!! Of course Ryan does well reminding me when I feel like crap that we are SO CLOSE :) The last treatment has been the worst so far and I felt really awful for about a week. Ryan even had to stay home one day. I told him that even though I was probably not half as bad as some people in the sickness after chemo department, I now understand why people say "no more". Not that I would do that especially with only 2 treatments to go, I just now understand where they are coming from and I will never again say, "I can't believe they gave up and said no more treatment when it's helping" because now I GET IT!! Honestly, I am really not looking forward to this one today, who am I kidding, I don't look forward to any of them but with the side effects getting worse each time, I just dread them that much more. I just keep playing over in my head what my friend Tarah Pace Wright told me. "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!" Anyway, I did go get my blood work done yesterday to save us an hour today which will be nice other than the fact we will be leaving in rush hour traffic on a Friday but I am just grateful to be almost finished. Then I get a short break, like 4-5 weeks and then begin my radiation but my hair will grow back WOOHOO!!! Oh and hopefully I can begin to lose some of this weight I have put on because of the steroids. Man, I feel like I'm blowing up like a balloon lol!! Looking forward to returning to the gym the day I return to work, April 14. However, I am going to have to get some new sports bras that will fit my prosthesis because I tried to use it when walking the treadmill at my neighbors and luckily I was there and not in public because it definitely didn't stay in place. I was a little lopsided haha!! That will look a little odd at the gym so I will need to fix it before returning because I AM returning!

Just a little update for what's to come! I will update again after chemo #5 :)

Oh and don't forget my Race for the Cure team "Holly's Rack Pack"
Holly's Rack Pack

 

2 left...

TWO.TREATMENTS.LEFT!!! Yep, that's right, only 2 more to go. I completed chemo #4 last Friday, Valentine's Day. Of course, just like with my 1st treatment, we received 5 inches of snow!! AHHH! I am so tired of the snow!! We have already had like 60+ inches of snow this year and we are only in February!! I think saying that I am so ready for summer is an understatement! Anyway, chemo. Like I said it snowed and of course it began hours before I was to go to chemo which means that no one knows how to drive because they freak out at the first flake. Ryan picked me up with intentions of grabbing Jimmy Johns on our way however, since no one could drive we were 10 minutes late to my appointment so needless to say, no Jimmy Johns. Of course, as always, they were running behind so I didn't go back until 1:30. At 1:30 Ryan and I began our romantic Valentine's Day :) It began with a stylish mask so the nurse could access my port for a blood draw, then starting up the computer to finally finish Breaking Bad and an online order to Jimmy Johns. I know you are all jealous! Nothing says I love you better than chemo, Breaking Bad and Jimmy Johns haha! So, normally my blood work takes an hour to come back so we just sit and wait to begin chemo but this time it was back in 20 min! This meant that we would not be at chemo until 6:30 but it did mean we would be out around 5:00 so we could drive in all of the 5:00 traffic and snow. YIPPEE!! Chemo really went well and quickly really. I still had all of my regular visitors which included Sharlee and a few NPs but this time there was a new NP because my regular NP was out of town because her daughter had a baby. The new NP came in and I have to say, I want my old NP back. I explained to her that even with the Ambien I still wasn't sleeping. I was sleeping more than 2-3 hours but I was really only getting 5 hours max. When I told her this she said, "I'm stumped." Really, stumped? I just want to sleep. She wrote me a script for Ativan hoping it would calm me enough to help me sleep but this is after I tell her that my other NP had said that would be our next step but I'm not sure we gave the Ambien enough time. Oh well. After an uneventful 4 hours we left and headed home. Night one went pretty normal as always but Saturday, ugh, it hit. I was already nauseous. I began taking my Phenergan and actually took a 3 hour nap. The next few days, Sun-Thurs I continued feeling nauseous and taking my Zofran. Like I mentioned before they told me the side effects would get worse each time and they weren't wrong. This treatment really made me say, "CHEMO SUCKS" and dread the next 2. However, I do just have 2 left so that is definitely something to look forward to! Then 2 weeks after chemo is complete I will be walking in the Race for the Cure with my team that Ryan created which I am really excited about then I will begin 6 weeks of radiation at the end of April or beginning of May. Once that is complete, we wait for my next reconstructive surgery which should be at the end of this year or beginning of next year. However, I am already SUPER NERVOUS about it. I talked to Sharlee about it and she did say that she would not sugar coat it and tell me there is nothing to be nervous about because she said this surgery is a BIG surgery. It cannot be done in the Surgery Center so it will be in the hospital and I will have to stay for about 3 days. After that, recovery is going to be rough and I will have to have Physical Therapy. Then, I will have my FINAL surgery. I asked her when I should have my port removed and she said I could anytime after chemo but she suggested that I keep it until my last surgery so that I have easy access for surgery and so I have it in case anything happens and I need fluids or blood drawn or whatever else. So, I am taking her advice and holding on to it. So, as I mentioned in the beginning, I am 67% through chemo!!! My next treatment will me March 7 at 1:00. Hopefully smooth sailing until then :)

Here is the link to my Race for the Cure page! Feel free to check it out, join the team or just donate to the cause!!
http://indy.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/IND_CentralIndianaAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=3885&team_id=286737

Chemo in front of the snow

Just over halfway there :)

Genetics...

I know that genetics can be a cause of cancer, however, I really didn't think that would be the case in my situation and there is no significant cancer history in my family. So, when I saw that I had an appointment with the Genetic Counselor I really wasn't sure the reason but I thought that it was something that all people diagnosed with cancer had to do. I received the paperwork to fill out for this appointment about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed and it was about 10 pages. I had to fill out my medical info as well as all of my immediate families medical info on both my mom and dad's side. So, what did I do? I waited until the day before the appointment to call my grandmother and Jo Ann to get some medical info on family members. So, anyway, after rescheduling the appointment twice, I finally made it the third time. Third time is a charm I guess :) I arrived with my book of medical info ready for a 90 min appointment wondering what we could possibly talk about for that long. However, it ended up being very pleasant and informative with a really nice Genetic Counselor about my age and it was only 40 minutes. Ok, so I said it was informative and it was but genetics is not really my thing so honestly it was A LOT of information that I really wasn't following but was trying really hard to soak it all in. She talked about my family medical history and then talked about genes and my DNA and then she lost me! Luckily, at the end of the appointment she said that she would be sending me a letter summarizing all of the info so that I could read through it and all I could think was THANK THE LORD because I wasn't sure I could even tell Ryan what went on in the appointment.

When I got home I began to tell Ryan about the appointment but then finally said, " Just wait until I receive my letter from the Counselor in the mail so you can see it on paper." I received my letter and everything seemed so much easier to understand. It first stated that Dr. Nate referred me to this appointment because of my history of breast cancer at such a young age. I know, history seems like it took place so long ago but it is now considered history. Anyway, after that there is a lot of other info but then it talks about the fact that all cancers involve gene changes but not all cancers are inherited or passed from generation to generation in a family. At least 60% of all cancer cases are sporadic meaning they are not passed from parent to child and are due to genetic changes in the cell thought to be caused by environmental factors. She stated in the consult that because of the fact I do not have an extensive or significant family history of complex cancers, it looks like I am probably part of the sporadic group and my cancer was probably caused from something environmental. We also can assume this because of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 blood test that was done in the beginning. BRCA1 & BRCA2 tests mutations in genes and since there weren't any mutations the test was negative. These results also mean that I do not have an associated risk for ovarian cancer. Yay!! Outside of this though, I have the opportunity to take a larger panel of tests called the BRCAPlus that tests 12 other genes which could potentially tell me where my cancer came from if there is a mutation on a certain gene and it could tell me if I am at risk for any other cancers depending on if there are any other mutations that may be found. Now for the confusing part, the possible results ;)

Positive: there is a mutation in one of the genes which means there is an increased risk and possibility of other cancers

Negative: does not completely rule out the possibility of hereditary cancer. It may not detect every causative gene changes. It can also be due to a case of familial cancer which is impossible to be identified through a test. This would put us back where we are now, not really knowing anything different or significant.

Variant: uncertain significance which is a change in a gene that has not yet been classified as benign or disease-causing. This would mean that the significance of the gene changes is unknown.

Doing this test could give me answers or more questions but really if it is negative, then I am just right back where I am now which is fine :) So, I am going to have the blood test and see if I find out where my cancer came from or if I am at risk for any other cancers outside of anything that can be caused environmentally.

Sorry for the dry info but I just wanted to give an update as to what has gone on between chemo #3 & #4 which is Friday. Remember, chemo #4 is Valentine's Day but after that one I will only have 2 left!!!