2 left...

TWO.TREATMENTS.LEFT!!! Yep, that's right, only 2 more to go. I completed chemo #4 last Friday, Valentine's Day. Of course, just like with my 1st treatment, we received 5 inches of snow!! AHHH! I am so tired of the snow!! We have already had like 60+ inches of snow this year and we are only in February!! I think saying that I am so ready for summer is an understatement! Anyway, chemo. Like I said it snowed and of course it began hours before I was to go to chemo which means that no one knows how to drive because they freak out at the first flake. Ryan picked me up with intentions of grabbing Jimmy Johns on our way however, since no one could drive we were 10 minutes late to my appointment so needless to say, no Jimmy Johns. Of course, as always, they were running behind so I didn't go back until 1:30. At 1:30 Ryan and I began our romantic Valentine's Day :) It began with a stylish mask so the nurse could access my port for a blood draw, then starting up the computer to finally finish Breaking Bad and an online order to Jimmy Johns. I know you are all jealous! Nothing says I love you better than chemo, Breaking Bad and Jimmy Johns haha! So, normally my blood work takes an hour to come back so we just sit and wait to begin chemo but this time it was back in 20 min! This meant that we would not be at chemo until 6:30 but it did mean we would be out around 5:00 so we could drive in all of the 5:00 traffic and snow. YIPPEE!! Chemo really went well and quickly really. I still had all of my regular visitors which included Sharlee and a few NPs but this time there was a new NP because my regular NP was out of town because her daughter had a baby. The new NP came in and I have to say, I want my old NP back. I explained to her that even with the Ambien I still wasn't sleeping. I was sleeping more than 2-3 hours but I was really only getting 5 hours max. When I told her this she said, "I'm stumped." Really, stumped? I just want to sleep. She wrote me a script for Ativan hoping it would calm me enough to help me sleep but this is after I tell her that my other NP had said that would be our next step but I'm not sure we gave the Ambien enough time. Oh well. After an uneventful 4 hours we left and headed home. Night one went pretty normal as always but Saturday, ugh, it hit. I was already nauseous. I began taking my Phenergan and actually took a 3 hour nap. The next few days, Sun-Thurs I continued feeling nauseous and taking my Zofran. Like I mentioned before they told me the side effects would get worse each time and they weren't wrong. This treatment really made me say, "CHEMO SUCKS" and dread the next 2. However, I do just have 2 left so that is definitely something to look forward to! Then 2 weeks after chemo is complete I will be walking in the Race for the Cure with my team that Ryan created which I am really excited about then I will begin 6 weeks of radiation at the end of April or beginning of May. Once that is complete, we wait for my next reconstructive surgery which should be at the end of this year or beginning of next year. However, I am already SUPER NERVOUS about it. I talked to Sharlee about it and she did say that she would not sugar coat it and tell me there is nothing to be nervous about because she said this surgery is a BIG surgery. It cannot be done in the Surgery Center so it will be in the hospital and I will have to stay for about 3 days. After that, recovery is going to be rough and I will have to have Physical Therapy. Then, I will have my FINAL surgery. I asked her when I should have my port removed and she said I could anytime after chemo but she suggested that I keep it until my last surgery so that I have easy access for surgery and so I have it in case anything happens and I need fluids or blood drawn or whatever else. So, I am taking her advice and holding on to it. So, as I mentioned in the beginning, I am 67% through chemo!!! My next treatment will me March 7 at 1:00. Hopefully smooth sailing until then :)

Here is the link to my Race for the Cure page! Feel free to check it out, join the team or just donate to the cause!!
http://indy.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/IND_CentralIndianaAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=3885&team_id=286737

Chemo in front of the snow

Just over halfway there :)

Genetics...

I know that genetics can be a cause of cancer, however, I really didn't think that would be the case in my situation and there is no significant cancer history in my family. So, when I saw that I had an appointment with the Genetic Counselor I really wasn't sure the reason but I thought that it was something that all people diagnosed with cancer had to do. I received the paperwork to fill out for this appointment about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed and it was about 10 pages. I had to fill out my medical info as well as all of my immediate families medical info on both my mom and dad's side. So, what did I do? I waited until the day before the appointment to call my grandmother and Jo Ann to get some medical info on family members. So, anyway, after rescheduling the appointment twice, I finally made it the third time. Third time is a charm I guess :) I arrived with my book of medical info ready for a 90 min appointment wondering what we could possibly talk about for that long. However, it ended up being very pleasant and informative with a really nice Genetic Counselor about my age and it was only 40 minutes. Ok, so I said it was informative and it was but genetics is not really my thing so honestly it was A LOT of information that I really wasn't following but was trying really hard to soak it all in. She talked about my family medical history and then talked about genes and my DNA and then she lost me! Luckily, at the end of the appointment she said that she would be sending me a letter summarizing all of the info so that I could read through it and all I could think was THANK THE LORD because I wasn't sure I could even tell Ryan what went on in the appointment.

When I got home I began to tell Ryan about the appointment but then finally said, " Just wait until I receive my letter from the Counselor in the mail so you can see it on paper." I received my letter and everything seemed so much easier to understand. It first stated that Dr. Nate referred me to this appointment because of my history of breast cancer at such a young age. I know, history seems like it took place so long ago but it is now considered history. Anyway, after that there is a lot of other info but then it talks about the fact that all cancers involve gene changes but not all cancers are inherited or passed from generation to generation in a family. At least 60% of all cancer cases are sporadic meaning they are not passed from parent to child and are due to genetic changes in the cell thought to be caused by environmental factors. She stated in the consult that because of the fact I do not have an extensive or significant family history of complex cancers, it looks like I am probably part of the sporadic group and my cancer was probably caused from something environmental. We also can assume this because of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 blood test that was done in the beginning. BRCA1 & BRCA2 tests mutations in genes and since there weren't any mutations the test was negative. These results also mean that I do not have an associated risk for ovarian cancer. Yay!! Outside of this though, I have the opportunity to take a larger panel of tests called the BRCAPlus that tests 12 other genes which could potentially tell me where my cancer came from if there is a mutation on a certain gene and it could tell me if I am at risk for any other cancers depending on if there are any other mutations that may be found. Now for the confusing part, the possible results ;)

Positive: there is a mutation in one of the genes which means there is an increased risk and possibility of other cancers

Negative: does not completely rule out the possibility of hereditary cancer. It may not detect every causative gene changes. It can also be due to a case of familial cancer which is impossible to be identified through a test. This would put us back where we are now, not really knowing anything different or significant.

Variant: uncertain significance which is a change in a gene that has not yet been classified as benign or disease-causing. This would mean that the significance of the gene changes is unknown.

Doing this test could give me answers or more questions but really if it is negative, then I am just right back where I am now which is fine :) So, I am going to have the blood test and see if I find out where my cancer came from or if I am at risk for any other cancers outside of anything that can be caused environmentally.

Sorry for the dry info but I just wanted to give an update as to what has gone on between chemo #3 & #4 which is Friday. Remember, chemo #4 is Valentine's Day but after that one I will only have 2 left!!!

3 Down 3 to Go...

So I know it's been since my 2nd treatment that I updated but honestly not too much has happened :) Every day is pretty much the same considering I am not working at the moment which is making me stir crazy but then again with this so called "Polar Vortex" and 30 below temps I'm just fine sitting at home only going to the mailbox. The 3 weeks between treatments were a little worse between this 2nd and 3rd treatment compared to the 3 weeks between the 1st and 2nd treatments. I had more nausea, less energy and man have I been tired. I haven't really been sleeping at night so I try to keep myself up during the day so that I can sleep at night but I might get 3-4 hours of decent sleep at night but those aren't consecutive hours. So anyway, yesterday was Chemo #3! After yesterdays treatment I am now halfway to the end, it is in sight!! My appointment was at 1:00 so Ryan picked me up at noon and we were off. Now, I don't know why but I always feel anxious or nervous before chemo. Maybe that's weird I don't know, it's just the reaction I have. We made a quick stop at Jimmy Johns because we were both starving and the small snack size pretzels and peanut butter crackers at the Cancer Center just weren't going to cut it. We arrived at the Cancer Center and I was surprised that there were only about 6 other people waiting. Normally on Fridays when I have my appointment you can hardly find a seat in the waiting area. I don't know if it was the weather or what but of course I thought "maybe I will actually go back on time." Haha, that's funny, wishful thinking!! It was 1:30 before they called me back. Ryan and I were about to eat our arms off we were so hungry and I just knew that as soon as we pulled our food out they would call me back. Maybe that is what we should have done because then maybe I would have gotten called back sooner. Oh well. Last time I was there they gave me a script for Lidocaine cream to put on my skin over my port to numb it so that I can't feel the needle when they insert it. I applied it an hour before I left then I put a little bit more on when I got to the Cancer Center for good measure. I wanted to make sure I was good and numb because the skin there right below your collar bone is tender. So anyway, I went back and this time I wasn't in a room I was behind 2 curtains but it wasn't too bad. Of course I could here the other patient behind me snoring. My nurse came in and we put on our beautiful masks that we have to wear when they access my port and she stuck me and I was NUMB!! Yay, it worked :) With no issues she was able to draw my blood. She did that and then we waited because it takes an hour to get your labs back to make sure you are able to have chemo. The NP came in and we first talked about the side effects I had this time and she explained to me that each time will probably be worse because the chemo is cumulative. We tweaked my meds a bit hoping it will help so I'm crossing my fingers. She also gave me some Ambien to help me sleep because lord knows I have tried every over the counter med there is that would normally work and NOTHING, I mean NOTHING worked. I got my Ambien today and am looking forward to bed so that maybe I can get some GOOD sleep. She also told me my Potassium is low so she prescribed me a Potassium pill to take twice a day and of course it is a HUGE horse pill, yippee!! I'll be cutting that sucker in half for sure otherwise I think Ryan will have to learn how to do the heimlich! Secondly we talked about work. She explained to me that because of the work I do, which is working with children who are germ carriers and with having no immune system they don't think it is wise so she said they were not planning on releasing me until two weeks after my last treatment is complete which would put me back at work April 14th. I will definitely be more than ready to return to normal life by then. Shoot, what am I saying, I'm ready to return to normal life now but I will just have to be patient, something I am learning to be especially since it is not one of my virtues. After waiting an hour we finally got the first drug started, the Aloxi which is for nausea and is supposed to last 3 days in my system and the "ants in your pants" steroid Decadron. This ran for about 30 minutes. When that was complete the first chemo drug, Cytoxan was started. It ran for 30 minutes as well then I had to wait another 30 minutes after it was done before they could begin the second chemo med, Taxotere which ran 1 hour. Needless to say we were at the Cancer Center from 1:00 to 6:30. We closed the center down! They were already filling out the dry erase boards with Monday's date! While receiving my treatment, I had told them that I heard they had a drawer of scarves and they confirmed that and told me to help myself. So, I unplugged my friend the IV pole and Ryan and I went to raid the drawer. There weren't any scarves but there were a few toboggans so I got 3 new crocheted toboggans in colors I don't have. They told me that people make them specifically for cancer patients which is so nice especially when it is colder than the North Pole outside. Nothing too exciting happened during chemo so afterwards, we put on our pretty masks again for my nurse to de-access my port and I was on my way. I normally feel pretty good after chemo because of the steroids I take the day before and they steroid they give me IV push before chemo so Ryan and I usually try to run some errands and go to dinner which is exactly what we did last night :) My 4th treatment is scheduled for February 14th, yes, Valentine's Day! At least I will feel good or at least should so we can still go to dinner and celebrate afterwards. Not to mention I will be able to spend all afternoon with my Valentine during chemo!

Chemo #3...check!! 

Everything that happens and every side effect I have, my nurse always tells me...

2 down...

Friday, just as I said it would be was a LOOONG day!! It all began at 4:30 am! I know, 4:30, who in their right mind gets up at 4:30? Not this girl but since I didn't have a choice since I had to be at the surgery center at 6:00 am, I did it. So, just like the other 2 times before, we arrived at this surgery center and there were actually other people in there waiting for surgery. I really thought we would be the only ones. After about 15 minutes they called me back. This visit was much more pleasant than the last considering the last visit was when I had my infection and was absolutely miserable! While heading back with the nurse she began telling me that she was going to take me back first to go over my medical history then Ryan could come back. I explained that unfortunately I was aware of the drill. Once we got back there we went over everything then it was time to start the IV. I explained that my recent experiences with IVs have not gone well and it's not because I don't like needles but it is because my veins don't want to cooperate now that I only have one arm to work with which is why I was getting the port-a-cath. She promised that if she didn't see anything she wouldn't stick me and dig around in there. I told here where I thought a good one was and told her you can't see it but you can feel it. So, she went for it and got it without me even feeling it...YAY!!! Ryan came back and soon we were talking to Dr. Nate and the Anesthesiologist which just happened to be the same Anesthesiologist I had when I had the infection. I promised him that I would be a much better patient. At 7am on the dot they came and got me and I walked back to surgery. Before walking into surgery I had to put on the beautiful blue surgery cap but because I don't have any hair and my head stays so cold they let me put it on on top of my toboggan, not that I would really know how cold my head was while in surgery! Anyway, I told the nurse that came and got me that this was the first time I've walked into surgery and laid on that cold, hard metal table. Every other time I had been wheeled back on a bed. I didn't know you could just walk back there. I met all of the surgery nurses, saw Dr. Nate and the Anesthesiologist and before I knew it they were talking to me and I said, "Man, that hits fast" as I was out! Surgery to insert the port-a-cath which was implanted directly below my left collar bone was done in about 45 minutes. Just to fill you in on what a port-a-cath is, it's an implanted venous access device that is placed completely under the skin and is used for collection of blood samples as well as direct administration of chemotherapy into the bloodstream. As I said, my port is placed in my chest and the tip of the catheter is in a vein just above my heart.This will make it much easier for the chemo to be given and it decreases the side effects of vein and tissue damage in my arm. Surgery was over and I was waking up in recovery before I knew it. I was of course a little disoriented as I usually am after surgery and I asked the nurse multiple times if I could take the kleenex home with me. Not sure why I was so worried about the kleenex but I was and I did in fact bring them home with me :) However, the kleenex I already had at home is much nicer and softer than the sandpaper kleenex you get in the hospital. We got home around 10:30 and took a short snooze then off to get a little something in the belly before going to the Cancer Center at 1:00 for my 2nd chemo cycle.

We walked in the Cancer Center and there were quite a few people there. I felt like a veteran this time since I had been to the Cancer Center numerous times and have already had one chemo treatment. I wondered how many people were there for the first time or for their first treatment. It's hard to tell but no one was there alone! At 1:15 they called me back into room 7. I got situated by propping my feet up, covering up with my UK blanket, got my phone, tablet and book next to me along with my fabulous cherry coke from Johnny Rockets and Ryan set up next to me with his laptop so we could catch up on some Breaking Bad on Netflix. Yes people, we are still on season 5 of Breaking Bad but we will get to the end soon enough lol! The nurse came in and began with the blood work. After taking the blood we had to wait an hour for the results to make sure it was ok to go ahead with the chemo. During that hour I saw Sharlee (my nurse navigator), a few other nurses and the NP. We went over how I was feeling and how the last treatment effected me. I told them all the symptoms I had and how they were tolerable and I was hoping that this treatment would be the same. They took a lot of notes and charted EVERYTHING! Finally at 2:30 the 1st drug was administered which was for anti-nausea. Once they began administering the drugs we began with Breaking Bad. Even though we were there for 5.5 hours we only got through 2 episodes because so many people stopped by to see me which is nice. Each nurse I've met and have been involved in my diagnosis and treatment came by and some even had trainees with them that they wanted me to meet. Made me feel good! Around 6:00 pm my chemo nurse came in and said it was almost time to be discharged so we began to get our stuff together and she deaccessed my port. She told me that she sent in a script for an ointment that I can put over my port an hour before treatment so that it numbs the area and I can't feel the needle go in when accessing it. By 6:30 we were out of there and headed home. I was EXHAUSTED!! We got home and were in bed and I was asleep by 9:00! I can't believe I even made it until 9:00 because the night before I didn't get much sleep. The day before chemo I have to start taking steroids which make it difficult to sleep. So Thursday night I finally fell asleep around 12:30 am, woke up at 3:30 am, the alarm went off at 4:30 am and I was in surgery by 7:00 am. I don't count my nap in surgery as a true nap because even when you wake up it doesn't seem like you've been asleep.

Chemo #2...check!

Since chemo on Friday I have been tired and nausea has been a little worse this time. It's not too bad but I haven't felt as good as I did after the first cycle. Nausea, tiredness, taste change and mouth sensitivity have been the only symptoms so far. Luckily I haven't had to go anywhere especially since we have had over a foot of snow and it's -13 degrees outside but feels like -33. I'm glad to be snowed in because I definitely don't feel like going out in that kind of weather! Next cycle is set for January 24th so now we just wait until then!

  

Change...

As I mentioned in the last update, what little hair I had began to thin. You know, I thought that since I shaved my head as short as I could with trimmers it wouldn't fall out because I didn't have the weight of my long hair. However, I was wrong! So, yesterday I sat in the bathroom floor and Ryan used his trimmers to shave my hair shorter because believe it or not, it had grown since the first time I had it shaved. He trimmed it as short as he could get it. I then rinsed my head and more came out so I decided we should just do it, shave it with a razor. We didn't do it immediately but by the end of the evening my head was smooth...and COLD!! I'll be honest, it bothered me a bit at first because even though I had shaved my head I still had hair, now there is NO hair! Now, I'm just glad it's not going to continue falling out but I have to get some more scarves and hats because my head is REALLY going to be cold now! Since it was a little bit of a shock Ryan reminded me, this is only temporary. He is right and he has a perfect way of reminding me daily as I found this note on our meal plan board in our kitchen :)

On to tomorrow. Tomorrow will be LONG! We have to be at the Surgery Center (our 2nd home since this will be my 3rd surgery in 8 weeks) at 6 am to have my port placed at 7 am. Of course this one will be a short surgery. I then have chemo at 1 pm but this time will be much better as far as being stuck goes because I should only have to be stuck one time, in my port! I'm sure I will be pretty drowsy since having anesthesia in the morning so hopefully for Ryan's sake I can stay awake during the 5 hours of chemo :) So, on to round 2!!

My year...

Well, Christmas (and my 31st birthday) has come and gone...can you believe it? I can't either!! It's AMAZING how fast time goes by, I know everyone says that but it's true! It's also crazy how life can change is such a short time. Lately I've seen how everyone has been posting on Facebook or in Christmas cards all the things that have happened in a years time and it blows my mind how much can actually happen in 365 days. So instead of posting on Facebook I thought I would share my year here :) In one year, I started 2 new jobs so I had 2 first days (CRAZY I know), found out I have asthma and GERD (weird), went to The Masters which was a once in a lifetime experience, visited Charleston, SC and Chicago, was supposed to go to Jamaica but didn't quite make it but that's ok, found out I had stage 2 breast cancer, had 2 surgeries, had one cycle of chemo, dyed my hair purple and shaved my head!! I know that doesn't sound like a great year but to me, no matter what has happened in my year I feel incredibly blessed to have made it through another year with my family, great friends and my best friend with me every step of the way!

Beginning with the 2 new jobs...
As most everyone knows I have a bachelors degree in Psychology. The reason for getting that degree is I have always wanted to make a difference in children's lives (not as a teacher). I had this great plan of returning for my Masters when I finished my undergrad, but that didn't happen because once I was done with college I was not ready for more. So anyway, with a degree in Psychology I had a difficult time trying to find a job in my field so I decided that maybe I should go into a field that was more stable, something I knew I would be able to get a job in. My freshman year of college they tried to push my towards Nursing and I immediately nixed that because I didn't like hospitals and I didn't really care for blood. Six years later, there I was working at a hospital and completing prerequisites for Nursing school, then life happened. I decided it was time to do what I always wanted to do which is work with autistic children so I did just that and became a Behavioral Therapist. Even though I loved my job I still had that nagging pull from healthcare so I left my kiddos that I loved and still love so much and took a job screening organ donors and approaching families regarding organ donation on June 3, 2013. I know it doesn't sound glamorous but organ donation is extremely important and to hear the stories families tell of how their loved one lives on in another human being is awesome! Not to mention, donor skin is used during reconstructive surger, therefore someone has donated to me. However, when I received the breast cancer diagnosis, the job hit too close to home for me and I had to leave. So, I returned to what I knew best, loved and missed which was working with children with autism as a Behavioral Therapist. I began on October 14, 2013 with a different company than before and on my first day I knew I had made the right decision and had chosen the best company to continue my career with. I think that maybe I just had to leave for a short time to realize what I wanted to do. I was there 3 weeks then was told by my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon that there had been a cancellation and I would be having surgery on Nov. 4, 2013. Since that day, I cannot ask for a better employer or better coworkers as they have been 100% supportive and most of them had only known me for that short 3 weeks I was there!! I am truly blessed and I look forward to returning whenever I may be released by my Oncologist!

Fast forwarding to chemo...
In my last post I mentioned the side effects I was having. By Dec. 18 most of those side effects had begun to subside. Then Dec 20 was  the worst day. That day is the day my blood count was the lowest and I could tell. I was very tired and just felt yucky. By the afternoon I began to feel pretty nauseous pretty quick but I took my Zofran and within about 30-45 min I began to feel fairly normal. By Dec 21 we were headed out of town for Christmas! However, a few new side effects began. My fingernails were sensitive, almost like I had smashed my fingers, my gums were sensitive like I had just had a bunch of dental work and I was having nosebleeds daily for about 4 days and they weren't just little nosebleeds, they were 10 min gushers. After those 4 days though things began to go back to normal. Then, beginning yesterday, what little bit of hair I have began to fall out. Not a lot at one time, I mean, you can't even really tell because there are no bald spots but my hair has begun to thin. I will say though, if the side effect I have experienced are the only side effects I experience each time, I am very lucky and I will take it because there is nothing worse than being nauseous and throwing up!

Christmas...
Ryan and I had a FABULOUS Christmas and I had a great 31st birthday!! I am so glad we were able to travel and see our families!! The only thing was, we didn't take our dogs with us and poor Rocky was injured. He was limping slightly when we left but was really struggling while we were gone so we came home a day early and took him to the vet on Saturday. Turns out he has a partially torn ACL and we have to keep him calm (yeah right) for 3 weeks. We will do whatever we have to so that he doesn't have to have surgery on this one because he had ACL surgery on his other leg about 5 years ago and he was just pitiful!

Friday, Jan 3 2014...
WOW, 2014!! That is so weird to type that!! Anyway, Friday I go in at 7 am to get my port placed. Thank goodness because I don't think I could stand to be stuck one more time! My arms have taken a beating and it will be nice that each time I don't have to be stuck multiple times, only once :) Then at 1:00 I will have my 2nd cycle of chemo pending my blood work is ok which I think it will be. So then it will be 2 down 4 to go then wait to begin radiation.

Now, on with the fight and looking forward to another blessed year!!

Ryan and I at lunch with his Aunt LuAnn in WV 12.24.2013

My dad and me on Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve with my papaw

Christmas Day and my 31st birthday!!

Lunch with my FABULOUS BFFs at Saul Good in Lexington, KY 12.28.2013

Laura, Alicia, Megan and myself 12.28.2013

Just wanted to share some of my holiday photos :)

 

Side effects and options...

So, it's been 6 days since my 1st chemo treatment. I can't believe it has begun! I feel like even though everything has happened fairly quickly it has still been a long road to this point and there is still a long road ahead. As I had mentioned before everything went well, except for the fact I had to be stuck 3 times just to get an IV started. Since, then though, I have definitely begun to feel the side effects. Of course when they give you your cancer binder, yep, that is what I said, cancer binder, there is a lot, I mean A LOT of information in there regarding the chemo as well as side effects. I must say too that the side effects list is not short. However, the side effects I began feeling around Tuesday included skin sensitivity especially on the scalp which made it difficult to brush my hair, joint pain and muscle aches, mouth pain especially my tongue, slight taste change and the bottom of my feet feel like I have been walking on gravel barefoot. I will say though that if the side effects do not get any worse than this, I can tolerate it and will be just fine :)

 I just want to backtrack a little though because I had mentioned before that I was going to see Dr. Stalnecker my Plastic Surgeon on Monday to talk to him about options regarding my reconstruction since I had that unfortunate infection. You know, it has been kind of weird not going to his office weekly as I had been since my first surgery Nov 4. It is almost as if I'm forgetting to do something each week. Anyway, Ryan and I arrived at the 8040 Building next to the hospital that we have come to know so well and went to the 2nd floor to Dr. Stalnecker's office. When we opened the door we immediately saw the smiling faces behind the desk and they of course they greeted me by name which is so nice because normally when you go to a drs office they don't have a clue who you are. I was a little nervous for this visit only because I have been worried about what Dr. Stalnecker was going to say because I have read so many different things about reconstruction after radiation when you don't have an expander and they haven't been that great. I guess that is why you shouldn't read those types of things online. I guess I should take my own advice because I always tell everyone not to look up your symptoms online and diagnose yourself because it never turns out well. After a few minutes I was called back and I put on that fabulous gown that opens in the front of course. Man I've missed that...haha, not really!! After we talked about what had gone on since the infection I asked, "so now what? I have to have radiation now so what are my reconstruction options?" He said that there are a few options however, they are not going to be as easy and cosmetically won't be what we originally planned. Oh well, as long as there are options and they look good on the outside who cares?! There are multiple options but the 2 he recommended for me was I could take fat from my stomach however, to my delight he told me I didn't have enough fat to use! Not to mention he said that this surgery is longer and the recovery is more difficult. The second option which he stated would be my best option is the latissimus dorsi flap procedure. This procedure takes tissue including skin, fat and muscle from the upper back. It is tunneled under the skin to the chest to make a pocket which is used as the expander for an implant. Sounds painful but he says it works and he has done this for many women in my situation. He said that I will need physical therapy after this procedure to strengthen my back. My next question was recovery time. He told us that this surgery requires at least 6 weeks recovery time and I will have another lovely 2 drains but it is my option, the option I will take. Now the kicker...I asked how long do I have to wait after radiation before surgery can take place? "Well" he said, "you aren't going to like my answer." My face fell and I immediately started thinking to myself "oh no, how long am I going to have to wear this prosthesis?" He asked me when will all of my treatment be complete and I explained to him that if all goes well and all of my chemo treatments occur on time they should end around the end of March. Then, 4-5 weeks after chemo ends, radiation will begin and will be 5 days a week for six weeks which would put treatment ending sometime around May which would make treatment end sometime in June but this is all only if all goes as planned. He then said that we have to wait at least 6 months after treatment is completed before we can do surgery again. He said that I can come see him at 4 months and we can begin to plan but then we have to wait. After the 1st surgery, I'll have the 6 week recovery time then another 3-6 months after that to fill my expanders then I can have the final surgery for the implants. So looking at that timeline I have 2 more surgeries and about a year and a half to go. I know it seems like a long time but it is only a year and a half compared to the rest of my LONG life so I will do whatever I have to do.

Now, fast forwarding back to Tuesday, as everyone knows, another side effect of chemo is hair loss. Since my first treatment was 6 days ago they say that at about day 10 you begin to lose your hair and it is all gone in about a week. Well, this wasn't going to happen to me. I mean, it was going to happen but I was going to control when the hair came out. So Tuesday Ryan picked me up at 5:00 and we headed to my stylist's house to shave my head. My stylist Michele has been doing my hair since I moved to Indiana 8 years ago. I didn't want to go to the salon to do it because I wasn't sure how overwhelmed I would be so she invited me to her house to do it there. Ryan also needed a haircut and had to cancel his last appointment so his hair was getting pretty long but instead of him going into the salon she said she would just cut his hair the same night. On our way there I was nervous. What girl wouldn't be? Girls aren't supposed to be bald, at least not by choice. Well, there are some I guess that do it by choice but not this girl. Ryan held my hand all the way there and said that he would go first. We arrived and after some talking we got down to business. Ryan sat in the chair first and Michele got the clippers out and began trimming up the back then all of a sudden she went across the top of his head. It took a minute to register what was going on. I was thinking to myself "oh no, what just happened? Did she forget that it's my head that is getting shaved?" I blurted out, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ryan said, "You aren't the only one getting your head shaved tonight. I couldn't let you do it by yourself." I didn't know what to say. I know it's only hair but it was so sweet of him to shave his head with me so I wasn't alone. We've been together 11 years and I've NEVER seen his head shaved so it made shaving mine that much easier. Once his was done it was my turn. I sat in the chair took a deep breath and said, "LET'S DO IT!" She turned my chair around so I didn't have to watch it all come off in the mirror then she began cutting it with short with scissors. Once it was short enough, out came the clippers. Before I knew it, all of my hair was laying on the floor beneath me. You know, it wasn't as traumatic as I expected it to be. Maybe it is because I had been talking about it and had been building myself up for it or maybe it was because Ryan did it too but I will say that Ryan and Michele made it much easier. Once it was done Michele washed my head and I looked in the mirror. It didn't look as bad as I expected. I mean, I wouldn't have done it just to do it but since I had to do it I really didn't mind it but my head was FREEZING!! Since Tuesday, getting ready for anything has been much faster :) I still need to get some scarves because I don't plan on wearing my wig everyday but overall it wasn't a bad experience and it will be fun having many different hairstyles when it begins to grow back. 

Ryan with a half mohawk ;)

Ryan all shaved

Beginning of the cut

Looking a little rough

Glad we didn't stop here!! Scary!!

The Shave

Ryan and I shaved!! Man my head was cold :)

My new do

Not sure what the deal was with the lighting in some of those pics but you get the gist of it ;)