Like a BOSS...

I know that New Boobies sounds a little crazy lol :) Well, this is something I have been looking forward to!! Since I had surgery in November, I have been looking forward to this but i never thought I would be through so much in  months. Since my diagnosis I have been through a mastectomy with reconstruction, an infection where I spent a night in the ER and surgery hours later to remove the reconstruction that had been done, the loss of my grandfather that meant so much to me and has supported me through this journey and was there the day of my surgery and had cancer at the same time I did and didn't even know it, my first day back to work, the words that meant SURVIVOR and now the chance to redo my reconstruction!! When I say a lot has happened, it isn't an understatement!! March 28th I completed my last chemo!! It was so exciting but of course it was something I never thought I would feel excited about!! Afterwards, I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with my grandfather that had been there from the beginning, supporting me, and I was there supporting him. He got a blood clot in his leg in February and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that he would have been told it was PANCREATIC CANCER!! Really?!?! Cancer DOES NOT run in our family!!! What are the chances that 2 of us would have cancer at the same time? He was at my surgery supporting me and who knew that he had cancer at the same time?? It is still mind boggling to me. After I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with him I had no idea it would be the last time we would have an actual conversation. After that week, I came home and shortly after he went into the hospital after having a stroke. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. I was able to talk to him on the phone but not long enough because it was too tiring for him. I felt like I had been through so much and I was doing so well and he was one of my BIGGEST supporters, it wasn't fair that he was going through this! I struggled with the fact that I was doing so well but yet he was not. I just couldn't feel happy for myself and still struggle with it. After a couple weeks, he passed on April 21, 2014. It is still hard for me but I am grateful that he called me more than normal just to see how I was doing, he came to IN to visit 2 times which I thought he would NEVER do and we seemed closer than ever. Since then, I have seen my Oncologist, Dr. Bhatia and he said, " I won't say mission accomplished, but I will say that we accomplished what we hoped to!!" I was hoping to hear the words, CANCER FREE but the nurse that came in afterwards to flush my port said that Dr. Bhatia just doesn't say that. I get it but I was hoping for it but I will take "we accomplished what we hoped to!" I was started on a pill for my hot flashes because they have been out of control. Ryan asked him him the million dollar question "can we have children?" Basically he said that at this point I have gone through menopause (chemopause) and in 1 year I should know if this is permanent. He said that at my age I have a very good chance that it will reverse itself but he can't be 100% sure that it will so we just have to give it time. He also started me on Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressant that I will take for the next 2-3 years. I have to take a hormone suppressant because my cancer was hormone positive so this pill will help to decrease the risk of me developing breast cancer again. Now, since seeing my Oncologist, I have also seen my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Stahlnecker!! I was so excited to see him since we had originally thought I was going to have to have the muscle flap surgery that honestly would have SUCKED!! Now, since I don't have to have radiation, I don't have to have the muscle flap surgery and I can just have the expander replaced!! I can't believe it!! So much has happened in the last 6 months and everything that could go wrong did go wrong but I was blessed to find out that I didn't have to have radiation so my reconstruction could begin!!! I am beyond ecstatic about this and I wish my Papaw was here to see it but I know he is watching over me and knows exactly how blessed I am :) So, I am now waiting for a phone call from the surgery center to tell me when my reconstruction can begin!! I can't believe I have beat this awful disease but I have and I am ready to move past it and get back to normal life :)

Holly's Rack Pack...

Okay okay, I know I have been negligent in updating this blog so this is way past due considering Race for the Cure was April 12. In my defense, A LOT has happened since then. Anyway, on April 12, 2014 at Military Park in downtown Indianapolis, I had to opportunity to join thousands of other breast cancer SURVIVORS as well as honor those who have lost the battle in the race to find a cure for this disease. I know people that have participated in Race for the Cure multiple times but I for one have never had the opportunity to participate myself. I have always known that it is a big deal and a lot of people participate but really, until I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself I never realized how many people are affected by this nasty disease. I don't mean to sound naive but I honestly just never thought about it. About a month before the race, Fishers sends out a monthly magazine and in the March issue there was an article about Race for the Cure. In the article it talked about how last year there were something like 25,000 people that walked in downtown Indy. WOW!!! I had no idea it was that big!! So, I knew we were in for something special when we decided to be part of it. Before the race, Ryan created a team for us so that we could raise money and he named it Holly's Rack Pack!! I loved the name :) Once the team was created on the Komen website, it automatically creates an email that can be shared with others so that they are aware of your plan to walk and raise money. Ryan set our team goal at $1,000. Almost immediately people started joining our team and donating money. Once again, I was so overwhelmed by the amount of support. I realized again how many FABULOUS friends I have that have been with me in this fight and AMAZING family support of course. When you signed up to be part of the team, you pay the fee to race and of course you receive a t-shirt just like you do for any race. Long before registering for the race we talked about making our own shirts. After about a week of people registering and donating money I asked Ryan if we should still make our own team shirts. He said probably not since people will be paying for their Susan G Komen Shirt. I asked him to go ahead and design one and see what happens. So, he contacted one of my best friend's brothers and asked if he could assist and in one night they came up with a design. We released it the next day and believe it or not we sold 57 t-shirts. The t-shirts were $10 but we sold them for $20 so that half of the proceeds could go to Susan G Komen. We were able to make a $570 donation to Susan G Komen!!!! That was so amazing and meant so much to me. I had no idea so many people would want to buy a Holly's Rack Pack shirt :) When we arrived at the race, there was not a parking spot in sight. We had to park about 1.5 miles away. CRAZY right ?!?! Anyway...once we got there, we made our way to the SURVIVOR tent. I went through and they were giving away patches to survivors. When they got to me, they asked, "how long have you been a survivor?" I thought for a minute and realized it had only been about 2 weeks since my last chemo treatment so, I said, "2 weeks!!!" To my surprise, everyone cheered!!! It was the most awesome feeling I have ever felt. I deserved it!! I had fought hard and had been through so much over the last few months, I deserved that cheer, I earned that cheer!!! However, they gave me a medal and a patch and it all still felt so surreal. It still doesn't seem real. After that, we met my team before the walk. I had about 25 people with me and I have never felt so supported!!! Of course my family has ALWAYS supported me in EVERYTHING but this was different. It is hard to explain the feeling. I had friends, and people that I had only worked with for a few weeks that cared enough to be part of this experience. And an experience it was!! It was moving and happy and sad all at the same time!! I felt victorious but sad for those who had lost their lives in the fight as well. We walked about 1.5 miles just to get to the start line!!! Can you believe that?!?! A 5k ended up being about 5.5 miles but it was SO WORTH IT!!! I will be part of the Susan G Komen Race from here on out. While at the race we had several people comment about our shirts which made me feel so good!! Since then, we have had multiple people ask about them so we are ordering more!! It is so unbelievable!! We set our donation goal at $1,000 and we finished at $2,898!!! Can you believe that??? Now that we are selling more shirts, we will be able to make a donation and probably reach $3,000!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought we could raise that much money for breast cancer research!!! I just want to thank everyone that was involved!! I know that a thank you isn't enough but it means more to me than you will ever know!!!!!!!! :) I am more than grateful to be a SURVIVOR and I pray for those everyday that are diagnosed that they will will SURVIVORS as well :)

My love!!

Couldn't do it without my rock!!

Patti and me before the race :)

WOW!! What a crowd of walkers!!

BFFs! Shannon and me after the walk :)

Work FAMILY!!

BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD :)

DONE...

Okay, so since the last update I have nervously been awaiting my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Wei. I had come up with my list of questions and was just ready to get the appointment over with. Ever since I met with him, before I even started chemo, I was not happy when he told me that I needed radiation. First of all, his reason for radiation was basically because the cancer had spread to my sentinel lymphnode, however, during surgery I had that lymphnode along with 19 others removed. Secondly, I wasn't happy because that makes reconstruction that much harder since I had my expander removed. It makes it harder because it hardens the chest wall which means we can't put the expander back in without having a muscle flap procedure which is a lot more painful and a lot more difficult. When he first told me I had to have radiation, I cried. I went to see my plastic surgeon to find out what my options were and that is when I found out it would be at least another year before I could think about having surgery again. I was really upset but then I began to come to terms with it. I figured that I went into this knowing that I was going to do everything I could possibly do to prevent the cancer from coming back. So, I knew that once chemo was over, I would wait 4-5 weeks and then I would begin radiation. Then the last day of chemo came and I knew that radiation was right around the corner and I had questions. I was just so nervous though going into that appointment, Dr. Wei thinking we are having a quick consult planning the next step only for me to let him know that I wasn't sure I wanted radiation, the reasons why and to question him. I know that is my right but I didn't want to feel like I was making the wrong decision so I needed to get my questions answered then decide what was best. Ryan picked me up and we headed over to the Cancer Center, my second home. We actually got there 15 minutes early so I thought for sure I would go back on time. An hour later, after watching people come in and go back, I was finally called back. We went back into an exam room and waited another 15 minutes. I could hear Sharlee and Dr. Wei talking outside the door and I wondered if she was giving him the heads up about what I was thinking. Finally, they came in. Dr. Wei started talking about radiation and the reasons to have it and not to have it. He told me that there is a gray area when deciding to have radiation when you have one positive lymphnode. He said that typically if the cancer on that lymphnode is under 2mm you don't do radiation but if it is 2mm or bigger you do and mine was exactly 2mm. Of course it was!! Anyway, he then began to say that I also had 19 other lyphnodes removed which I don't think he realized when we met the first time. He also said that there is no research or statistics to back up having radiation when there is only one positive lymphnode and you have 19 removed. He asked if I had any questions and of course I didn't because he had already answered every one I had written down. So, with that being said, I DON'T NEED RADIATION!!!!! I couldn't believe it when he said that. He said that he just couldn't justify doing radiation knowing that it wouldn't necessarily improve my survival especially since I am also going to begin taking Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressing drug for 10 years. He said that he felt that I really had done everything I could possibly do to prevent my cancer from returning. Of course if it ever comes back, I will FIGHT again!! I couldn't believe that my treatment is finally DONE!!! NO MORE CHEMO AND NO RADIATION!!! I meet with Dr. Bhatia on the 25th and then I will really feel DONE!!! Lastly, when I left the Cancer Center I immediately called Dr. Stahlnecker, my plastic surgeon to set up an appointment so that we can begin to plan for reconstructive surgery!! I see him May 8th and there we will come up with a date for the 1st surgery which will hopefully be withing the next few months, after vacation of course because Ryan and I REALLY NEED a vacation :) So, with treatment being complete I only have 2 surgeries left and then this will all be behind me and I will be a SURVIVOR!!!!

CHEMO IS OVER...

  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S ACTUALLY OVER!!!! When I began this journey 6 months ago everything seemed so overwhelming and so far away. We were going to multiple dr.s appointments each week for months getting pumped full of information and plans. Chemo seemed so far away. Now, by the grace of God, it's over and I'm done with chemo!! When I walked in the Cancer Center December 13th for my first cycle, I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect and not knowing how I was going to feel in the weeks between that treatment and the next. The first cycle was a little rough considering I didn't have my port yet so they had to stick me multiple times to draw blood then again to start the chemo infusion. I was already fairly bruised by the time I left and said that I had to have my port by the next treatment and I did. The first 3 weeks between treatments went pretty well. I did have some side effects that were unpleasant but I actually felt pretty good once they subsided. When I returned for my 2nd cycle and reported my side effects they told me that my fatigue and some of the other symptoms would be cumulative meaning that with each treatment they would continue building in my system and I would probably feel worse and worse and more and more tired each time. Well, cumulative it has been but I will say, it has all been worth it so far to beat cancer! So, as I mentioned, chemo is over and it officially ended March 28, 2014!!!!

LAST CHEMO...CHECK!!

Genetic Testing...

While in chemo of Friday I received a call from my Genetic Counselor Kaylee. After speaking with her in February I decided to go ahead with the BreastNext genetic testing panel which would test 18 genes. By testing these 18 genes I would know if I am at risk for any other types of cancer and I may also find out where my breast cancer came from if there are any mutations. I was hoping that there would be ZERO mutations because of course I don't want to be at an increased risk for other cancers but then again I was kind of hoping to have a mutation on that breast cancer gene because I wanted to know where my cancer came from. Well, the results are in and I couldn't be happier!! Analyses of 18 genes was NEGATIVE and I was found to NOT be a carrier of a mutation for any of the genes. This means that I do not have the associated increased risks for breast and other cancers associated with these genes!! With that being said, since there was no mutation on the breast cancer gene, so we still don't know where my cancer came from. However, I am ok with that because that also means I am not at an increased risk for it to come back. That also means that this cancer had to come from something environmental or something I have ingested which is scary! 

What's next...

Monday, April 7 we will meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I have many questions for him and am uncertain that radiation is the way I want to go. There are so many long term effects and I am not sure I want to be part of those. I will hear him out though and get my questions answered then make my decision from there. If I do decide to move forward with radiation, it would start in about 4 weeks. Once it is complete 6 weeks later I could potentially begin reconstruction next year sometime. If I decide to not move forward with radiation, I will be able to contact my Plastic Surgeon and move forward with reconstruction in the next few months. So, we shall see :) 

Almost to the finish line...

LAST ONE...
Reflecting back, I can't believe how far I've come as well as how fast things have happened. Friday, March 28th I reach the end of chemo!!! I am so excited to be done I can't stand it!! It is crazy that it has been 6 months since my diagnosis, 5 months since surgery and 3 months since I began chemo. SO MUCH has happened in such a short time. When I learned that I would have chemo, the first thing I did was rush out to find a wig because I knew for sure I didn't want anyone to know I was bald. I bought a wig that looked like the hairstyle I had which was long, layered and highlighted. Then, I cut my hair and not long after that I shaved my head. Since being bald, I can say I have only worn my wig a handful of times. I was so worried about it and yet, once all my hair was gone I didn't really care. When it has been cold outside I have worn a warm toboggan on my head and now that it has gotten warmer, well, I won't get carried away, not really warm but not brutally cold, I have been wearing scarves and Chemo Beanies which are so much more comfortable on my head. Since surgery, my range of motion has returned however, it is still difficult to pick up anything the slightest bit heavy and not feel it in my chest right away or the day after. That will come with time though. I will probably start feeling back to normal when it is time for my next surgery then I'll be starting all over. Oh well, that's the way it goes :) Also, since beginning chemo I have blown up I feel, like an Oompa Loompa lol!! Something they don't tell you is, with all the steroids, no matter how hard you try to be healthy, you are going to gain weight. I couldn't go to the gym because of risks of the germs and getting sick but I tried to stay active, however, those steroids slowed my metabolism tremendously. I guess I'll just have to work harder at the gym. Anyway, within 6 months, I received my diagnosis, had 3 surgeries and have had, by Friday, six 5hr cycles of chemo. I will be so glad when I don't have to sit in that chair for half the day every 3rd Friday!! After my last chemo treatment, I will see the Radiation Oncologist April 7 to talk about when I will start radiation. I will at least get a 4-5 week break before it starts. So, I am almost to the finish line as far as chemo is concerned!!! I have just one more step before I am done with treatment then I have 2 more surgeries but at least treatment will be over :)

Look Good Feel Better...
Monday evening I went to the LGFB program that is put on by the American Cancer Society. It is a program for women that are receiving cancer treatment whether it be chemo, radiation or both. When I arrived, there were only 2 of us in the class which isn't typical they said. The other girl there looked fairly young, like me. We began the class by watching a video about the program then we got to open our little bag of goodies they gave us which contained makeup. LGFB is free of charge and is a workshop to teach beauty techniques to female cancer patients to help combat the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment. When opening the bag I was surprised to find all types of makeup, makeup brushes, moisturizing cream and nail polish. All of these things are donated to ACS by the company that makes them for the purpose of this workshop. We had so much fun learning how to fill in our eyebrows and making it look like we had more eyelashes than we actually do! We also learned new ways to tie a scarf and we tried on some wigs just for fun. When the class was almost over, the other girl in the class and I began to share our stories. I found out that she is 33 years old and also has breast cancer which ran in her family. She began doing chemo first and has not yet had surgery. She also found her lump on accident and was diagnosed 1 month after I was. Our stories were very similar however, she had so many questions about surgery since she has yet to decide what surgery to do and I was so happy to share my experience with her and I hope it will help her to decide what is best for her. It was also really nice talking to someone close to my age and going through the same thing. It was nice and sad at the same time. Sad because we are too young to be going through this and it seems like there are more and more young women being diagnosed with breast cancer every day. So, with that being said, CHECK THOSE TA-TAs!!!!

1 MORE LEFT...

Save time. That was what I was trying to do when scheduling to have my blood work done the day before chemo. Save time is what I didn't do lol!!! Thursday, the day before chemo I arrived at 12:40, 5 minutes before my appointment to have my blood drawn. I thought for sure I would go in on time since a blood draw was all I was having done. Forty-five minutes passed and there I was, still waiting. I had just had a coffee and really had to go to the bathroom but I knew that as soon as I went they would call my name. Then I thought, "who am I kidding? I've been waiting 45 min, I might as well just go because they obviously aren't calling my name anytime soon." So, I get up and head into the bathroom. I took my time and went ahead and wiped the numbing lotion off of my port so that was one less thing we had to do when I went back. I washed my hands and walked out and what do you know, as soon as I opened the bathroom door I heard "Holly Pennywitt". I thought to myself, "maybe I should have gone to the bathroom sooner." Anyway, I went back and as I sat down the Phlebotomist asked, "Are we accessing your port today?" and I said "Oh yes!" I'm not about to be poked 100 times because my veins want to be difficult when I can easily have my blood drawn from my port. I know it is a much bigger ordeal since it has to be a sterile process but that's how we were going to do it. So, I had to move to the other room because it had to be accessed by a nurse. While getting everything ready the nurse asked me, first "how long have you had your port" and I answered "3 months", next "have you ever had any problems accessing your port" to which I answered "no, none at all." She said, "ok great because some people have tricks to accessing their ports because they have had issues." I assured her that mine has been perfect so far. Once ready she says, "ok now, 1, 2, 3...uh oh, this doesn't feel right." I'm thinking, "are you kidding me? There have NEVER been any issues, just smooth sailing and now all of a sudden, uh oh?" She said, "hmmm, that's weird, I know I stuck it right in the middle, let me try again." I mean, c'mon, this is the reason I got the port, so I don't have to be stuck multiple times, but luckily, I had the numbing lotion on so I couldn't feel it. Again, "1, 2, 3,....mmm, got it!" Yes, finally! She proceeded to draw my tubes of blood and of course made small talk because it is awkward when it's just the 2 of you and you sit in silence but then again, the small talk can be awkward too lol! Within about 5 min the blood was drawn then we were de-accessing my port and I was out of there thinking that I was glad this part was done so that we could save an hour at chemo.

CHEMO DAY #5...
Same thing just a different chemo day :) Ryan picked me up at 12:30 and we headed to the Cancer Center where we arrived at 1:00. I signed in and thought I would for sure go back soon especially since I already had my blood work done. Then, another 45 min later I heard my name. I went back and did the normal stuff, saw the normal people then waited, yep that's what I said, waited. This time I had already done my blood work the day before so I didn't have to wait for that but I did have to wait for my anti-nausea meds and chemo to be mixed in the pharmacy. So, needless to say, time was not saved. We actually got out of there an hour later than the time before when I had my blood work done that day. We left around 6:30. Oh well, I of course went ahead and scheduled for my blood work to be done the day before my next treatment which also happens to be #6, my LAST & FINAL treatment!!!!!!!!! I.CAN.NOT.WAIT to be done with this part of the journey :) I also can't wait for my hair to start growing back lol!! I know it won't be overnight and will probably take awhile to really start growing in but I still can't wait!! Sometime after my last treatment I will meet with Dr. Wei, my Radiation Oncologist and we will begin radiation but we have to wait 4-5 weeks after my last treatment because we have to make sure my white blood count has come back up. I just can't believe it has already almost been 6 months since the diagnosis that changed my life, 4.5 months since surgery, I've completed 5 chemo treatments and I am getting ready for my LAST ONE!!!!! It has all gone so quickly, it almost doesn't seem possible but the support has been tremendous and I can actually say that I am 1 step closer to kicking cancer's butt!!! I more step to go :)

Chemo #5

Since chemo...

I would have posted sooner but since chemo I have had this awful virus. This time it was Monday before the side effects hit me. I had the normal nausea which this time I just decided after talking with my nurses to take my Zofran scheduled so that the nausea didn't get out of control and it worked. I did however have that awful taste I get in my mouth. I absolutely hate it because everything tastes bad, even water, UGH! Sunday I had started with a cough and was SO TIRED but other than that I was alright. By Monday I started feeling a little different than normal. I checked my temp and it was low grade at 99.5. So I started taking NyQuil and stayed in bed all day. Normally I would hate that but honestly I didn't want to get up. By Tuesday I wasn't any better so I called the Cancer Center because I didn't want it to get worse and I talked to the Triage Nurse who said my NP said based on my symptoms it sounded like a virus so continue treating it over the counter and if my temp gets above 100 to call back. I did what she said, continued with the NyQuil and stayed in bed. By that night I felt like I had the flu and I had a temp of 100.3. Yikes! Well, it was too late to call the Cancer Center so I took some Tylenol and told Ryan that if it was still up in the morning I would call. By Wednesday my temp was all over the place but it didn't go above 100. I then started taking Sudafed thinking maybe it would work because the NyQuil obviously wasn't working. I took it scheduled through Wednesday and Thursday and finally by Friday I could get out of bed and function like a normal human being lol!! Thank goodness because I don't think I could take another full day in bed! The dogs were in heaven laying in bed with me all day for almost a week but I was so ready to see some daylight. Now, since I have been able to function since Friday, I have still not left the house. I mean, I have been outside but I have been NOWHERE since last Sunday so we are looking at a week and a day here folks!! Oh well, at least I am feeling so much better, only tired which is to be expected...HALLELUJAH!!

Oh and don't forget to click on the link below to register and join my Race for the Cure team!!

Holly's Rack Pack

Chemo sucks but I can do hard things...

OK, so after today I will have 1.MORE.LEFT!!!! I can really say I AM ALMOST DONE!! Of course Ryan does well reminding me when I feel like crap that we are SO CLOSE :) The last treatment has been the worst so far and I felt really awful for about a week. Ryan even had to stay home one day. I told him that even though I was probably not half as bad as some people in the sickness after chemo department, I now understand why people say "no more". Not that I would do that especially with only 2 treatments to go, I just now understand where they are coming from and I will never again say, "I can't believe they gave up and said no more treatment when it's helping" because now I GET IT!! Honestly, I am really not looking forward to this one today, who am I kidding, I don't look forward to any of them but with the side effects getting worse each time, I just dread them that much more. I just keep playing over in my head what my friend Tarah Pace Wright told me. "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!" Anyway, I did go get my blood work done yesterday to save us an hour today which will be nice other than the fact we will be leaving in rush hour traffic on a Friday but I am just grateful to be almost finished. Then I get a short break, like 4-5 weeks and then begin my radiation but my hair will grow back WOOHOO!!! Oh and hopefully I can begin to lose some of this weight I have put on because of the steroids. Man, I feel like I'm blowing up like a balloon lol!! Looking forward to returning to the gym the day I return to work, April 14. However, I am going to have to get some new sports bras that will fit my prosthesis because I tried to use it when walking the treadmill at my neighbors and luckily I was there and not in public because it definitely didn't stay in place. I was a little lopsided haha!! That will look a little odd at the gym so I will need to fix it before returning because I AM returning!

Just a little update for what's to come! I will update again after chemo #5 :)

Oh and don't forget my Race for the Cure team "Holly's Rack Pack"
Holly's Rack Pack