11 Months...

What can I say? It's been far too long since I have given an update! Sorry about that folks :) Fortunately, it isn't because I haven't wanted to, it's because I haven't had time. Working everyday kind of takes up that time I used to have but I am grateful for that because that means I am still CANCER FREE!!! 11 months cancer free ;)

Since my last update, 7 months ago, I've had my new expander filled about 5 times, my hair has continued to grow (YAY), still struggling to lose all of the weight those dang steroids made me gain, I started the preventative cancer treatment of Tamoxifen and I have begun seeing my Oncologist every 3 months for checkups. This means I walk in, put on that fabulous half gown that opens in the front and I get felt up then I'm sent on my way. Within this time though, a lot has happened as far as meds and that talk of "can I have kids" goes. So, here it is, all laid out on the table. To start kind of at the beginning, every female, including me starts out wanting to have kids one day but you always think you have all the time in the world because you want to be sure you are ready. Of course, we all know it isn't always rainbows and butterflies and doesn't always work that way. Ryan and I have been married for almost 7 years and before I was diagnosed hadn't really talked about when we were going to have kids but always said that if for some reason we couldn't we would adopt. Then cancer had to come in and put a halt to things. Thanks cancer!! No big deal though. I thought, so I have to wait until I complete treatment, no problem because we aren't necessarily ready anyway. Well Holly, the Dr. says, the chemo may put you through early menopause, which I don't think will happen but if it does and because of your age your ovaries should wake up sometime between 8 months and 2 years after the end of treatment. Oh and I want you to wait 5 years to even think about having kids after treatment is completed. WHAT?!?!? I tell him, ok, I can do that. Ryan and I had already talked about it and knew that my survival was more important than worrying about my biological clock because as we all know, pregnancy make your hormones go WACKO and since my cancer was hormone positive we can't have that. Well, of course, I was one of those that went into early menopause. Let me tell you, it is MISERABLE!!! The hot flashes are the absolute worst! I constantly felt like a heater was being turned on my face and would get so hot I would want to pass out. So, over the last few months we have gone from 30 mg of Effexor for hot flashes, to 75 mg and now 150 mg and it finally works!!! I only break out into a sweat sometimes and just want to run outside in the freezing cold or strip all of my clothes off haha :)

Anyway, during this time there was also a study going on talking about the best preventative treatment for breast cancer after chemotherapy. Researchers were trying to figure out if Tamoxifen alone was better than the injection of Lupron and the pill Adriamycin or an Oophorectomy which is where you just have your ovaries removed. Turns out, Lupron with the Adriamycin or the Oophorectomy give you a 3% better chance after 5 years of the cancer not returning. I know that 3% doesn't sound like a lot but when you are talking about cancer it is. Well, I don't think I am ready to have my ovaries removed but will if I have to so I think I am going to switch from Tamoxifen and go the injection with the pill route. I will receive the injection once a month for 5 years. The only thing about this route is it is uber-expensive!!! It goes toward my deductible though so every year I will just have pay that then it will be covered so that's nothing new because I've been paying my deductible the last 2 years.

Last, I go see Dr. Stalnecker (my Plastic Surgeon) next week and we talk about when I am going to have my final surgery which is where he will remove the expanders and replace them with implants so my reconstruction will be complete!!!! I am so excited and can't wait!!!

March 28th I will be 1 year CANCER FREE!!!! #SURVIVORBIRTHDAY

The New Girl...

No, I didn't meet a new friend and there is no new girl at work to speak of but the new girl I am speaking of resides on the right side of my chest!! That's right, I have a new (partial) booby...YAY!!! So let's back up a little bit. Before vacation I found out that I would have my reconstructive surgery on the right side July 25th at 9:30am. Now remember that with the original surgery November 4, 2013 when I had my double mastectomy, reconstruction was started at the same time. Three weeks later I ended up having a MRSA infection on the right side and had to have my right expander removed. I had to wait 2 months after chemo was complete to begin reconstruction on the right side again. Ever since I found out what day my surgery would be I have had a countdown on my phone because I can't begin to tell you how ready I have been to get rid of my prosthesis. When Wednesday came I was already so ready for surgery Friday that I barely slept. Thursday, I went to Dr. Stalnecker's office so that he could ahead and mark me for surgery. After being marked I returned back to work. By that night almost all the markings had worn off...UGH!!! So, I pulled out the permanent marker and told Ryan to do his best tracing the faded lines. He wasn't a big fan of doing it because he said if I had a messed up boob it would be his fault haha! Friday morning came and I was ready for surgery!! I was ready to take the next step to getting back to normal. We arrived at the Cancer Center at 7:40am so that I could have my port accessed because since I only have one arm for IVs, I really didn't want to be stuck when the port makes it so easy. After my port was accessed we headed across the street to the Surgery Center. I checked in and they immediately took me back! I couldn't believe it, I was getting ready to take this next step in my journey. Once I was in my pre-op room, I got to put on the lovely green gown with the fabulous blue socks, oh and a hair cap.

Ready for surgery!!

Once I was in  my surgery garb the dr. that was going to put the pain block in came to talk to me so I could sign some papers then not long after I was headed to get the pain block. I walked to the room where they were inserting the block and it was FREEZING!! I laid face down on the table, he gave me a few meds to make me a little woozy and in went the block. I was then returned to pre-op on a cart. Dr. Stalnecker came in for the last time to make sure I was ready and of course he asked if the marking stayed on. Ryan had to tell him that it had faded and he had to trace the lines. He left, the nurse came in and wheeled me back to surgery. It was time to get a new booby!!! Once in the surgery room I scooted myself over to the surgery table and the last thing I remember was the nurse telling me I looked really tan and I told her that we had just gotten back from vacation. Next thing I know I'm waking up in post op. Everything is still a little blurry until they took me to a room. My plan was to go home but the nurse or I guess I should say, Dr. Stalnecker put a wrench in that. The nurse told me that Dr. Stalnecker had ordered another bag of antibiotics and since I had received a bag in surgery, they were not able to hang it until 11pm. She said I could still go home but of course it's not recommended since I had an infection last time and we are trying to prevent one this time. So, needless to say, I stayed, reluctantly, overnight. Ryan was finally able to tell me about my surgery. He said that since I had so much time to heal since my last surgery, the muscle and skin had tightened alot so when they put the expander in they were unable to fill it very much. He also told me that they had to tear muscle tissue down from my upper chest and bring it down to help make the pocket for my expander. The plus this time was that I only ended up with 1 drain!! I received the antibiotic, then my last dose of pain medicine at 5:00am so I was ready to go home at 5:30am. Our dogs were so happy to see us when we walked through that door. Since surgery and returning home, the pain block emptied by Sunday morning so Ryan pulled it out, I have been really sore, kind of like I've been kicked in the ribs and the drain hurts so bad but it should be coming out on Thursday. I finally was able to take the bandages off the new girl and shower which felt awesome! So, Thursday I return to Dr. Stalnecker's office to have my drain removed (YAY!!) and to get my expander filled a little more.

I'm a SURVIVOR...

WOW...SURVIVOR, that is so awesome to say!!! When I was first diagnosed with this horrible disease, my world just like every other woman or man that is diagnosed with the big "C" was turned upside down. At no time did I feel like I had been handed a death sentence but I knew I had a fight ahead of me, a fight I was bound and determined to WIN!!! As I have always said, I have had the most AMAZING support system. You know, someone asked me the other day if I ever went to any of the support groups considering my age. I looked at her and said, "No, my support system has been so great, I never felt the need to go." Not that I don't feel that they are wonderful groups and they are so supportive and help many people get through this, I just never felt my place what in one. I have tried very hard to keep a positive attitude from the beginning and I feel that is one of the biggest challenges but also one of the most important things to do. Attitude really is everything. Since seeing my Plastic Surgeon and finding out that I am eligible for surgery I have begun to look forward to it even when I didn't know when it would be. I know that sounds crazy, "looking forward to surgery" but I am. I am ready to take the next step in the recovery process and have my expander replaced and just really have another boob haha!! Yes, I am concerned about the risk of infection again since it did happen the first time but the risk is much lower than before. When is surgery scheduled you ask?? JULY 25th at 9:30 AM!!! I am more than ready to begin to get back to normal.

Physical Therapy
Also since seeing my Plastic Surgeon I had a follow up with Dr. Nate my breast surgeon. He did an exam making sure I had not developed any lumps. He said that everything looked GREAT and I don't have to see him again until next year!! While I was seeing Dr. Nate though, I mentioned to him that I had begun having some tingling in my hand on the right side. He said that I would need to do physical therapy so that we can try and prevent Lymphedema. In about a week I received a call from the Physical Therapy office and had my first visit scheduled. During my first visit I talked to the Physical Therapist about my medical history and what has been going on. She took some measurements and said that I wasn't swelling so it seemed like I could have the beginning of Axillary Web Syndrome or "cording". Cording sometimes develops as a side effect of sentinel lymph node biopsy or axillary lymph node dissection both of which I had. Both procedures involve removing just a few sentinel lymph nodes or many axillary lymph nodes which I had 19 removed. In axillary web syndrome, you'll often be able to see and/or feel a web of thick, ropelike structures under the skin of your inner arm. Lymphedma Therapists often call these "cords." In some cases, like mine, you may not see or feel the cords but the sensations of pain and tightness will tell you that they are there. They are still trying to figure out exactly what causes cording but some believe that surgery to the underarm and chest area traumatizes the connective tissue that encases nearby bundles of blood vessels, lymph vessels and nerves. This trauma leads to inflammation, scarring, and eventually hardening of the tissue. This hardening can spread down the fibers of the connective tissue which causes the cords to form. So anyway, as far as my treatment is concerned, my PT gently massages and stretches the cord tissue for about 45 minutes. Right now this is still pretty painful when she does it and I am sore afterward but I can tell a world of difference after 4 visits. I also have gentle stretching and flexibility exercises that I do twice a day. She also recommended a compression sleeve that will apply just the right amount of pressure to the arm and hand getting the lymph fluid moving in the right direction. This is not something I have to wear all the time, just if I feel my arm getting achy or if it begins to swell because the risk of lymphedema is lifelong so it is a preventative measure.

I know it has been awhile since I updated but here it is and now I just wait for my first of 2 surgeries that I have left!! However, before then we will be going on vacation and I am so so so EXCITED!!! I really need a break :)

Like a BOSS...

I know that New Boobies sounds a little crazy lol :) Well, this is something I have been looking forward to!! Since I had surgery in November, I have been looking forward to this but i never thought I would be through so much in  months. Since my diagnosis I have been through a mastectomy with reconstruction, an infection where I spent a night in the ER and surgery hours later to remove the reconstruction that had been done, the loss of my grandfather that meant so much to me and has supported me through this journey and was there the day of my surgery and had cancer at the same time I did and didn't even know it, my first day back to work, the words that meant SURVIVOR and now the chance to redo my reconstruction!! When I say a lot has happened, it isn't an understatement!! March 28th I completed my last chemo!! It was so exciting but of course it was something I never thought I would feel excited about!! Afterwards, I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with my grandfather that had been there from the beginning, supporting me, and I was there supporting him. He got a blood clot in his leg in February and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that he would have been told it was PANCREATIC CANCER!! Really?!?! Cancer DOES NOT run in our family!!! What are the chances that 2 of us would have cancer at the same time? He was at my surgery supporting me and who knew that he had cancer at the same time?? It is still mind boggling to me. After I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with him I had no idea it would be the last time we would have an actual conversation. After that week, I came home and shortly after he went into the hospital after having a stroke. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. I was able to talk to him on the phone but not long enough because it was too tiring for him. I felt like I had been through so much and I was doing so well and he was one of my BIGGEST supporters, it wasn't fair that he was going through this! I struggled with the fact that I was doing so well but yet he was not. I just couldn't feel happy for myself and still struggle with it. After a couple weeks, he passed on April 21, 2014. It is still hard for me but I am grateful that he called me more than normal just to see how I was doing, he came to IN to visit 2 times which I thought he would NEVER do and we seemed closer than ever. Since then, I have seen my Oncologist, Dr. Bhatia and he said, " I won't say mission accomplished, but I will say that we accomplished what we hoped to!!" I was hoping to hear the words, CANCER FREE but the nurse that came in afterwards to flush my port said that Dr. Bhatia just doesn't say that. I get it but I was hoping for it but I will take "we accomplished what we hoped to!" I was started on a pill for my hot flashes because they have been out of control. Ryan asked him him the million dollar question "can we have children?" Basically he said that at this point I have gone through menopause (chemopause) and in 1 year I should know if this is permanent. He said that at my age I have a very good chance that it will reverse itself but he can't be 100% sure that it will so we just have to give it time. He also started me on Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressant that I will take for the next 2-3 years. I have to take a hormone suppressant because my cancer was hormone positive so this pill will help to decrease the risk of me developing breast cancer again. Now, since seeing my Oncologist, I have also seen my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Stahlnecker!! I was so excited to see him since we had originally thought I was going to have to have the muscle flap surgery that honestly would have SUCKED!! Now, since I don't have to have radiation, I don't have to have the muscle flap surgery and I can just have the expander replaced!! I can't believe it!! So much has happened in the last 6 months and everything that could go wrong did go wrong but I was blessed to find out that I didn't have to have radiation so my reconstruction could begin!!! I am beyond ecstatic about this and I wish my Papaw was here to see it but I know he is watching over me and knows exactly how blessed I am :) So, I am now waiting for a phone call from the surgery center to tell me when my reconstruction can begin!! I can't believe I have beat this awful disease but I have and I am ready to move past it and get back to normal life :)

Holly's Rack Pack...

Okay okay, I know I have been negligent in updating this blog so this is way past due considering Race for the Cure was April 12. In my defense, A LOT has happened since then. Anyway, on April 12, 2014 at Military Park in downtown Indianapolis, I had to opportunity to join thousands of other breast cancer SURVIVORS as well as honor those who have lost the battle in the race to find a cure for this disease. I know people that have participated in Race for the Cure multiple times but I for one have never had the opportunity to participate myself. I have always known that it is a big deal and a lot of people participate but really, until I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself I never realized how many people are affected by this nasty disease. I don't mean to sound naive but I honestly just never thought about it. About a month before the race, Fishers sends out a monthly magazine and in the March issue there was an article about Race for the Cure. In the article it talked about how last year there were something like 25,000 people that walked in downtown Indy. WOW!!! I had no idea it was that big!! So, I knew we were in for something special when we decided to be part of it. Before the race, Ryan created a team for us so that we could raise money and he named it Holly's Rack Pack!! I loved the name :) Once the team was created on the Komen website, it automatically creates an email that can be shared with others so that they are aware of your plan to walk and raise money. Ryan set our team goal at $1,000. Almost immediately people started joining our team and donating money. Once again, I was so overwhelmed by the amount of support. I realized again how many FABULOUS friends I have that have been with me in this fight and AMAZING family support of course. When you signed up to be part of the team, you pay the fee to race and of course you receive a t-shirt just like you do for any race. Long before registering for the race we talked about making our own shirts. After about a week of people registering and donating money I asked Ryan if we should still make our own team shirts. He said probably not since people will be paying for their Susan G Komen Shirt. I asked him to go ahead and design one and see what happens. So, he contacted one of my best friend's brothers and asked if he could assist and in one night they came up with a design. We released it the next day and believe it or not we sold 57 t-shirts. The t-shirts were $10 but we sold them for $20 so that half of the proceeds could go to Susan G Komen. We were able to make a $570 donation to Susan G Komen!!!! That was so amazing and meant so much to me. I had no idea so many people would want to buy a Holly's Rack Pack shirt :) When we arrived at the race, there was not a parking spot in sight. We had to park about 1.5 miles away. CRAZY right ?!?! Anyway...once we got there, we made our way to the SURVIVOR tent. I went through and they were giving away patches to survivors. When they got to me, they asked, "how long have you been a survivor?" I thought for a minute and realized it had only been about 2 weeks since my last chemo treatment so, I said, "2 weeks!!!" To my surprise, everyone cheered!!! It was the most awesome feeling I have ever felt. I deserved it!! I had fought hard and had been through so much over the last few months, I deserved that cheer, I earned that cheer!!! However, they gave me a medal and a patch and it all still felt so surreal. It still doesn't seem real. After that, we met my team before the walk. I had about 25 people with me and I have never felt so supported!!! Of course my family has ALWAYS supported me in EVERYTHING but this was different. It is hard to explain the feeling. I had friends, and people that I had only worked with for a few weeks that cared enough to be part of this experience. And an experience it was!! It was moving and happy and sad all at the same time!! I felt victorious but sad for those who had lost their lives in the fight as well. We walked about 1.5 miles just to get to the start line!!! Can you believe that?!?! A 5k ended up being about 5.5 miles but it was SO WORTH IT!!! I will be part of the Susan G Komen Race from here on out. While at the race we had several people comment about our shirts which made me feel so good!! Since then, we have had multiple people ask about them so we are ordering more!! It is so unbelievable!! We set our donation goal at $1,000 and we finished at $2,898!!! Can you believe that??? Now that we are selling more shirts, we will be able to make a donation and probably reach $3,000!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought we could raise that much money for breast cancer research!!! I just want to thank everyone that was involved!! I know that a thank you isn't enough but it means more to me than you will ever know!!!!!!!! :) I am more than grateful to be a SURVIVOR and I pray for those everyday that are diagnosed that they will will SURVIVORS as well :)

My love!!

Couldn't do it without my rock!!

Patti and me before the race :)

WOW!! What a crowd of walkers!!

BFFs! Shannon and me after the walk :)

Work FAMILY!!

BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD :)

DONE...

Okay, so since the last update I have nervously been awaiting my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Wei. I had come up with my list of questions and was just ready to get the appointment over with. Ever since I met with him, before I even started chemo, I was not happy when he told me that I needed radiation. First of all, his reason for radiation was basically because the cancer had spread to my sentinel lymphnode, however, during surgery I had that lymphnode along with 19 others removed. Secondly, I wasn't happy because that makes reconstruction that much harder since I had my expander removed. It makes it harder because it hardens the chest wall which means we can't put the expander back in without having a muscle flap procedure which is a lot more painful and a lot more difficult. When he first told me I had to have radiation, I cried. I went to see my plastic surgeon to find out what my options were and that is when I found out it would be at least another year before I could think about having surgery again. I was really upset but then I began to come to terms with it. I figured that I went into this knowing that I was going to do everything I could possibly do to prevent the cancer from coming back. So, I knew that once chemo was over, I would wait 4-5 weeks and then I would begin radiation. Then the last day of chemo came and I knew that radiation was right around the corner and I had questions. I was just so nervous though going into that appointment, Dr. Wei thinking we are having a quick consult planning the next step only for me to let him know that I wasn't sure I wanted radiation, the reasons why and to question him. I know that is my right but I didn't want to feel like I was making the wrong decision so I needed to get my questions answered then decide what was best. Ryan picked me up and we headed over to the Cancer Center, my second home. We actually got there 15 minutes early so I thought for sure I would go back on time. An hour later, after watching people come in and go back, I was finally called back. We went back into an exam room and waited another 15 minutes. I could hear Sharlee and Dr. Wei talking outside the door and I wondered if she was giving him the heads up about what I was thinking. Finally, they came in. Dr. Wei started talking about radiation and the reasons to have it and not to have it. He told me that there is a gray area when deciding to have radiation when you have one positive lymphnode. He said that typically if the cancer on that lymphnode is under 2mm you don't do radiation but if it is 2mm or bigger you do and mine was exactly 2mm. Of course it was!! Anyway, he then began to say that I also had 19 other lyphnodes removed which I don't think he realized when we met the first time. He also said that there is no research or statistics to back up having radiation when there is only one positive lymphnode and you have 19 removed. He asked if I had any questions and of course I didn't because he had already answered every one I had written down. So, with that being said, I DON'T NEED RADIATION!!!!! I couldn't believe it when he said that. He said that he just couldn't justify doing radiation knowing that it wouldn't necessarily improve my survival especially since I am also going to begin taking Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressing drug for 10 years. He said that he felt that I really had done everything I could possibly do to prevent my cancer from returning. Of course if it ever comes back, I will FIGHT again!! I couldn't believe that my treatment is finally DONE!!! NO MORE CHEMO AND NO RADIATION!!! I meet with Dr. Bhatia on the 25th and then I will really feel DONE!!! Lastly, when I left the Cancer Center I immediately called Dr. Stahlnecker, my plastic surgeon to set up an appointment so that we can begin to plan for reconstructive surgery!! I see him May 8th and there we will come up with a date for the 1st surgery which will hopefully be withing the next few months, after vacation of course because Ryan and I REALLY NEED a vacation :) So, with treatment being complete I only have 2 surgeries left and then this will all be behind me and I will be a SURVIVOR!!!!

CHEMO IS OVER...

  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S ACTUALLY OVER!!!! When I began this journey 6 months ago everything seemed so overwhelming and so far away. We were going to multiple dr.s appointments each week for months getting pumped full of information and plans. Chemo seemed so far away. Now, by the grace of God, it's over and I'm done with chemo!! When I walked in the Cancer Center December 13th for my first cycle, I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect and not knowing how I was going to feel in the weeks between that treatment and the next. The first cycle was a little rough considering I didn't have my port yet so they had to stick me multiple times to draw blood then again to start the chemo infusion. I was already fairly bruised by the time I left and said that I had to have my port by the next treatment and I did. The first 3 weeks between treatments went pretty well. I did have some side effects that were unpleasant but I actually felt pretty good once they subsided. When I returned for my 2nd cycle and reported my side effects they told me that my fatigue and some of the other symptoms would be cumulative meaning that with each treatment they would continue building in my system and I would probably feel worse and worse and more and more tired each time. Well, cumulative it has been but I will say, it has all been worth it so far to beat cancer! So, as I mentioned, chemo is over and it officially ended March 28, 2014!!!!

LAST CHEMO...CHECK!!

Genetic Testing...

While in chemo of Friday I received a call from my Genetic Counselor Kaylee. After speaking with her in February I decided to go ahead with the BreastNext genetic testing panel which would test 18 genes. By testing these 18 genes I would know if I am at risk for any other types of cancer and I may also find out where my breast cancer came from if there are any mutations. I was hoping that there would be ZERO mutations because of course I don't want to be at an increased risk for other cancers but then again I was kind of hoping to have a mutation on that breast cancer gene because I wanted to know where my cancer came from. Well, the results are in and I couldn't be happier!! Analyses of 18 genes was NEGATIVE and I was found to NOT be a carrier of a mutation for any of the genes. This means that I do not have the associated increased risks for breast and other cancers associated with these genes!! With that being said, since there was no mutation on the breast cancer gene, so we still don't know where my cancer came from. However, I am ok with that because that also means I am not at an increased risk for it to come back. That also means that this cancer had to come from something environmental or something I have ingested which is scary! 

What's next...

Monday, April 7 we will meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I have many questions for him and am uncertain that radiation is the way I want to go. There are so many long term effects and I am not sure I want to be part of those. I will hear him out though and get my questions answered then make my decision from there. If I do decide to move forward with radiation, it would start in about 4 weeks. Once it is complete 6 weeks later I could potentially begin reconstruction next year sometime. If I decide to not move forward with radiation, I will be able to contact my Plastic Surgeon and move forward with reconstruction in the next few months. So, we shall see :)