My year...

Well, Christmas (and my 31st birthday) has come and gone...can you believe it? I can't either!! It's AMAZING how fast time goes by, I know everyone says that but it's true! It's also crazy how life can change is such a short time. Lately I've seen how everyone has been posting on Facebook or in Christmas cards all the things that have happened in a years time and it blows my mind how much can actually happen in 365 days. So instead of posting on Facebook I thought I would share my year here :) In one year, I started 2 new jobs so I had 2 first days (CRAZY I know), found out I have asthma and GERD (weird), went to The Masters which was a once in a lifetime experience, visited Charleston, SC and Chicago, was supposed to go to Jamaica but didn't quite make it but that's ok, found out I had stage 2 breast cancer, had 2 surgeries, had one cycle of chemo, dyed my hair purple and shaved my head!! I know that doesn't sound like a great year but to me, no matter what has happened in my year I feel incredibly blessed to have made it through another year with my family, great friends and my best friend with me every step of the way!

Beginning with the 2 new jobs...
As most everyone knows I have a bachelors degree in Psychology. The reason for getting that degree is I have always wanted to make a difference in children's lives (not as a teacher). I had this great plan of returning for my Masters when I finished my undergrad, but that didn't happen because once I was done with college I was not ready for more. So anyway, with a degree in Psychology I had a difficult time trying to find a job in my field so I decided that maybe I should go into a field that was more stable, something I knew I would be able to get a job in. My freshman year of college they tried to push my towards Nursing and I immediately nixed that because I didn't like hospitals and I didn't really care for blood. Six years later, there I was working at a hospital and completing prerequisites for Nursing school, then life happened. I decided it was time to do what I always wanted to do which is work with autistic children so I did just that and became a Behavioral Therapist. Even though I loved my job I still had that nagging pull from healthcare so I left my kiddos that I loved and still love so much and took a job screening organ donors and approaching families regarding organ donation on June 3, 2013. I know it doesn't sound glamorous but organ donation is extremely important and to hear the stories families tell of how their loved one lives on in another human being is awesome! Not to mention, donor skin is used during reconstructive surger, therefore someone has donated to me. However, when I received the breast cancer diagnosis, the job hit too close to home for me and I had to leave. So, I returned to what I knew best, loved and missed which was working with children with autism as a Behavioral Therapist. I began on October 14, 2013 with a different company than before and on my first day I knew I had made the right decision and had chosen the best company to continue my career with. I think that maybe I just had to leave for a short time to realize what I wanted to do. I was there 3 weeks then was told by my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon that there had been a cancellation and I would be having surgery on Nov. 4, 2013. Since that day, I cannot ask for a better employer or better coworkers as they have been 100% supportive and most of them had only known me for that short 3 weeks I was there!! I am truly blessed and I look forward to returning whenever I may be released by my Oncologist!

Fast forwarding to chemo...
In my last post I mentioned the side effects I was having. By Dec. 18 most of those side effects had begun to subside. Then Dec 20 was  the worst day. That day is the day my blood count was the lowest and I could tell. I was very tired and just felt yucky. By the afternoon I began to feel pretty nauseous pretty quick but I took my Zofran and within about 30-45 min I began to feel fairly normal. By Dec 21 we were headed out of town for Christmas! However, a few new side effects began. My fingernails were sensitive, almost like I had smashed my fingers, my gums were sensitive like I had just had a bunch of dental work and I was having nosebleeds daily for about 4 days and they weren't just little nosebleeds, they were 10 min gushers. After those 4 days though things began to go back to normal. Then, beginning yesterday, what little bit of hair I have began to fall out. Not a lot at one time, I mean, you can't even really tell because there are no bald spots but my hair has begun to thin. I will say though, if the side effect I have experienced are the only side effects I experience each time, I am very lucky and I will take it because there is nothing worse than being nauseous and throwing up!

Christmas...
Ryan and I had a FABULOUS Christmas and I had a great 31st birthday!! I am so glad we were able to travel and see our families!! The only thing was, we didn't take our dogs with us and poor Rocky was injured. He was limping slightly when we left but was really struggling while we were gone so we came home a day early and took him to the vet on Saturday. Turns out he has a partially torn ACL and we have to keep him calm (yeah right) for 3 weeks. We will do whatever we have to so that he doesn't have to have surgery on this one because he had ACL surgery on his other leg about 5 years ago and he was just pitiful!

Friday, Jan 3 2014...
WOW, 2014!! That is so weird to type that!! Anyway, Friday I go in at 7 am to get my port placed. Thank goodness because I don't think I could stand to be stuck one more time! My arms have taken a beating and it will be nice that each time I don't have to be stuck multiple times, only once :) Then at 1:00 I will have my 2nd cycle of chemo pending my blood work is ok which I think it will be. So then it will be 2 down 4 to go then wait to begin radiation.

Now, on with the fight and looking forward to another blessed year!!

Ryan and I at lunch with his Aunt LuAnn in WV 12.24.2013

My dad and me on Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve with my papaw

Christmas Day and my 31st birthday!!

Lunch with my FABULOUS BFFs at Saul Good in Lexington, KY 12.28.2013

Laura, Alicia, Megan and myself 12.28.2013

Just wanted to share some of my holiday photos :)

 

Side effects and options...

So, it's been 6 days since my 1st chemo treatment. I can't believe it has begun! I feel like even though everything has happened fairly quickly it has still been a long road to this point and there is still a long road ahead. As I had mentioned before everything went well, except for the fact I had to be stuck 3 times just to get an IV started. Since, then though, I have definitely begun to feel the side effects. Of course when they give you your cancer binder, yep, that is what I said, cancer binder, there is a lot, I mean A LOT of information in there regarding the chemo as well as side effects. I must say too that the side effects list is not short. However, the side effects I began feeling around Tuesday included skin sensitivity especially on the scalp which made it difficult to brush my hair, joint pain and muscle aches, mouth pain especially my tongue, slight taste change and the bottom of my feet feel like I have been walking on gravel barefoot. I will say though that if the side effects do not get any worse than this, I can tolerate it and will be just fine :)

 I just want to backtrack a little though because I had mentioned before that I was going to see Dr. Stalnecker my Plastic Surgeon on Monday to talk to him about options regarding my reconstruction since I had that unfortunate infection. You know, it has been kind of weird not going to his office weekly as I had been since my first surgery Nov 4. It is almost as if I'm forgetting to do something each week. Anyway, Ryan and I arrived at the 8040 Building next to the hospital that we have come to know so well and went to the 2nd floor to Dr. Stalnecker's office. When we opened the door we immediately saw the smiling faces behind the desk and they of course they greeted me by name which is so nice because normally when you go to a drs office they don't have a clue who you are. I was a little nervous for this visit only because I have been worried about what Dr. Stalnecker was going to say because I have read so many different things about reconstruction after radiation when you don't have an expander and they haven't been that great. I guess that is why you shouldn't read those types of things online. I guess I should take my own advice because I always tell everyone not to look up your symptoms online and diagnose yourself because it never turns out well. After a few minutes I was called back and I put on that fabulous gown that opens in the front of course. Man I've missed that...haha, not really!! After we talked about what had gone on since the infection I asked, "so now what? I have to have radiation now so what are my reconstruction options?" He said that there are a few options however, they are not going to be as easy and cosmetically won't be what we originally planned. Oh well, as long as there are options and they look good on the outside who cares?! There are multiple options but the 2 he recommended for me was I could take fat from my stomach however, to my delight he told me I didn't have enough fat to use! Not to mention he said that this surgery is longer and the recovery is more difficult. The second option which he stated would be my best option is the latissimus dorsi flap procedure. This procedure takes tissue including skin, fat and muscle from the upper back. It is tunneled under the skin to the chest to make a pocket which is used as the expander for an implant. Sounds painful but he says it works and he has done this for many women in my situation. He said that I will need physical therapy after this procedure to strengthen my back. My next question was recovery time. He told us that this surgery requires at least 6 weeks recovery time and I will have another lovely 2 drains but it is my option, the option I will take. Now the kicker...I asked how long do I have to wait after radiation before surgery can take place? "Well" he said, "you aren't going to like my answer." My face fell and I immediately started thinking to myself "oh no, how long am I going to have to wear this prosthesis?" He asked me when will all of my treatment be complete and I explained to him that if all goes well and all of my chemo treatments occur on time they should end around the end of March. Then, 4-5 weeks after chemo ends, radiation will begin and will be 5 days a week for six weeks which would put treatment ending sometime around May which would make treatment end sometime in June but this is all only if all goes as planned. He then said that we have to wait at least 6 months after treatment is completed before we can do surgery again. He said that I can come see him at 4 months and we can begin to plan but then we have to wait. After the 1st surgery, I'll have the 6 week recovery time then another 3-6 months after that to fill my expanders then I can have the final surgery for the implants. So looking at that timeline I have 2 more surgeries and about a year and a half to go. I know it seems like a long time but it is only a year and a half compared to the rest of my LONG life so I will do whatever I have to do.

Now, fast forwarding back to Tuesday, as everyone knows, another side effect of chemo is hair loss. Since my first treatment was 6 days ago they say that at about day 10 you begin to lose your hair and it is all gone in about a week. Well, this wasn't going to happen to me. I mean, it was going to happen but I was going to control when the hair came out. So Tuesday Ryan picked me up at 5:00 and we headed to my stylist's house to shave my head. My stylist Michele has been doing my hair since I moved to Indiana 8 years ago. I didn't want to go to the salon to do it because I wasn't sure how overwhelmed I would be so she invited me to her house to do it there. Ryan also needed a haircut and had to cancel his last appointment so his hair was getting pretty long but instead of him going into the salon she said she would just cut his hair the same night. On our way there I was nervous. What girl wouldn't be? Girls aren't supposed to be bald, at least not by choice. Well, there are some I guess that do it by choice but not this girl. Ryan held my hand all the way there and said that he would go first. We arrived and after some talking we got down to business. Ryan sat in the chair first and Michele got the clippers out and began trimming up the back then all of a sudden she went across the top of his head. It took a minute to register what was going on. I was thinking to myself "oh no, what just happened? Did she forget that it's my head that is getting shaved?" I blurted out, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ryan said, "You aren't the only one getting your head shaved tonight. I couldn't let you do it by yourself." I didn't know what to say. I know it's only hair but it was so sweet of him to shave his head with me so I wasn't alone. We've been together 11 years and I've NEVER seen his head shaved so it made shaving mine that much easier. Once his was done it was my turn. I sat in the chair took a deep breath and said, "LET'S DO IT!" She turned my chair around so I didn't have to watch it all come off in the mirror then she began cutting it with short with scissors. Once it was short enough, out came the clippers. Before I knew it, all of my hair was laying on the floor beneath me. You know, it wasn't as traumatic as I expected it to be. Maybe it is because I had been talking about it and had been building myself up for it or maybe it was because Ryan did it too but I will say that Ryan and Michele made it much easier. Once it was done Michele washed my head and I looked in the mirror. It didn't look as bad as I expected. I mean, I wouldn't have done it just to do it but since I had to do it I really didn't mind it but my head was FREEZING!! Since Tuesday, getting ready for anything has been much faster :) I still need to get some scarves because I don't plan on wearing my wig everyday but overall it wasn't a bad experience and it will be fun having many different hairstyles when it begins to grow back. 

Ryan with a half mohawk ;)

Ryan all shaved

Beginning of the cut

Looking a little rough

Glad we didn't stop here!! Scary!!

The Shave

Ryan and I shaved!! Man my head was cold :)

My new do

Not sure what the deal was with the lighting in some of those pics but you get the gist of it ;)

Second step toward the cure...

Friday I woke up at 4:35 am! Not on purpose of course because who in their right mind actually wakes up because they want to at 4:35 am? Thursday I began taking my steroids to prepare for my 1st chemo treatment and one of the side effects is trouble sleeping. Well, I definitely experienced that side effect, lucky me :) However, I did not get out of bed, I just laid there and I think I looked at every app and played every game on my phone until Ryan's alarm went off at 7:30. I got up and began getting ready and packing my bag that I was going to take to the Cancer Center with me. I of course included my UK blanket because I have heard that you can get pretty cold during treatment as well as my tablet, a book and some magazines and of course some headphones because Ryan and I were going to finish up watching Breaking Bad. Yes, we are still trying to finish it! Finally on Season 5 so not much left to go. Anyway, after running to my grandmother's house to pick up some beautiful Christmas bows she made me for my lamp post outside and my Christmas tree, I headed to the hospital. First stop was to get fitted for my prosthesis. I was really excited about this because I would then look "normal"! We were able to get me fitted on the 1st try and yes, I now look normal! After trying on a few head scarves because I will be shaving my head this Tuesday since it is inevitable that ALL of my hair will fall out, it was time to meet Ryan so that we could head on over to the Cancer Center for chemo #1. After a quick lunch which we ate at the surgery center since we only had 15 minutes (classy) we headed over. When we walked in, even though I had been to the Cancer Center many times before, this time was different and I was once again nervous. When I signed in I had to fill in my reason for being there and when I wrote "chemo" it just didn't seem real. I mean, I accepted the fact a long time ago that I would be taking chemo to fight this and I also welcome it to eradicate any cancer cells that may be left and I am grateful that chemo is available and I have the opportunity to use it to help fight my battle. I know that sounds weird when I say grateful but really, if there was no chemo this battle would be much harder to fight. However, as I mentioned before, I never planned on having an Oncologist and having to go to appointments in the Cancer Center and I definitely never planned on writing that the reason I am there is for chemo treatment but then again, who does? My appointment was supposed to be at 12:30 however, 1:00 rolled around and I was still waiting. One of the nurses came out and let me know that they were getting my room ready and asked how I felt. I told her that I was just as nervous as I was before surgery because no matter how much they try and prepare you, there is no way to know exactly what to expect but I told her to BRING.IT.ON, it was time to take this next step! Within minutes my name was called. It was time. We headed on back to my room and my nurses came in to talk to me and explain what they were going to do and of course asked me questions about my overall health. My nurse had already explained to the nurse that was going to be taking care of me about what had been going on as far as my infection and that there had been difficulty when attempting to start an IV and when drawing blood. Of course, they start multiple IVs a day so it shouldn't be too difficult, right?! The nurse told me that before we could begin treatment she needed to draw some blood and of course they had to use the 3 largest tubes there are and they had to be full. She stuck me the 1st time and NOTHING!! Great, I saw where this was going. She then stuck me a 2nd time and this time was able to get the blood, slowly but surely. However, after getting the blood, the IV was no longer good, the vein had blown. UGH! She called in another nurse and on the 3rd try, we got an IV in! The first meds I was to receive were anti-nausea and a steroid. After these were complete we would start with the 1st chemo medication which was the Cytoxan. Cytoxan is the drug that keeps the cancer cells from dividing and kills them and this is also the drug that will make me lose my hair. Once it was complete, I had to wait 30 minutes before the next chemo drug Taxotere could begin. Taxotere also prevents any cancer cells from dividing and reproducing. The treatment lasts 5 hours. In that 5 hours though, I got quite a bit accomplished. I got online and paid some bills, ordered multiple Christmas gifts and ordered Christmas cards. I know, a little late to order the Christmas cards but it's better late than never even if everyone receives them after Christmas. Who knew it took chemo to get me motivated to get it done haha! During treatment, Sharlee (my nurse navigator) came in and told me that I would be getting my port the morning of my next chemo treatment which is set for January 3rd. I go into the Surgery Center (also another place I know all too well) at 7:00 am to get my port placed then I will have chemo at 1:00 pm. Having the port will be so much nicer, that way I don't have to be stuck anymore, they can just access my port for my treatment because my arm is black and purple from being stuck 3 times on Friday. Since my 1st treatment, I haven't felt too bad yet. I've been tired and experienced a little nausea but nothing that I can't tolerate. They told me that my worst days would probably be between days 4 through 10 because that is when my blood counts will be the lowest and I will be the most susceptible to sickness and infection. They have however given me some good anti-nausea meds to counter the nausea because I hate nothing more than being nauseous! Tomorrow, I go see Dr. Stalnecker to talk to him about my options as far as reconstruction since I have to have radiation now. I am crossing my fingers he gives me some good options!! Then Tuesday I shave my head because I don't want to wait for all of my hair to just fall out. I know it is going to and I would like to be able to control when it happens. At least I'll be able to get ready quicker lol!! Ryan won't be pacing the floor anymore when he is ready to leave and I am still straightening my hair :) Oh and for someone that is somewhat superstitious, I had chemo on the 13th and when I signed in I was the 13th patient. Ryan, then went to the Colts game today and sat in seat 13. Weird right?! Maybe 13 is my lucky number, who knows!

Chemo #1...check!

Today is the day...

Well, today is the day...CHEMO DAY #1. I'd be lying if I said I am not nervous. I mean, I went through the chemo teach where they tell me what is going to happen and what I can expect but of course I don't know what to fully expect until I am there and it is happening. I know everything will be fine. I have been drinking water like it is my job to stay hydrated and I HATE WATER but I really want my veins to cooperate since I don't have my port yet. Luckily I have already had my blood drawn so I should be there about 5 hours so it will be a long day. Ready for this next step to kick this cancer!!

It's a go...

As I have mentioned before, chemo was originally scheduled for Dec 6 however, due to my recent infection it was moved tentatively to Dec 13 and it's not just the 13th, it's Friday the 13th! Luckily there is no full moon that day as well because chemo is a GO for Friday (the 13th). So, Monday was the first day I was released to drive since my first surgery that took place on Nov 4. I will say that it was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. Not that I couldn't drive but driving just wasn't easy and I was really sore afterwards. Of course the soreness did not stop me from making a stop at Target BY MYSELF after my blood work shenanigans to determine whether I would be having chemo. Shenanigans meaning that I didn't just go for blood work once, I had to return a second time. I was not planning on going to the Cancer Center twice in one day. Ryan has gone to EVERY appointment with me but I did not feel the need for him to take off work just for me to go have some blood drawn especially since I was now able to drive myself. Plus, I knew I wanted to stop at Target on my way home and he is never excited about this since I absolutely cannot get in and out in a timely manner. Anyway, not only was I to get my blood drawn but I had to meet with the NP (Nurse Practitioner) so that she could check the site where my infection was to make sure it was reddened or swollen before I had chemo because if it was the blood work didn't matter because I wouldn't be having chemo. My blood work appointment was at 1:45 then I was to see the NP afterwards. So, I arrived at 1:40 and signed in and waited, and waited, and waited. Of course while I waited I looked at Facebook, Pinterest, ESPN, Facebook again, Fox News and Facebook again as if anything had changed and every time a nurse would come out I would throw my phone in my purse because I just knew it was my turn but every time someone else's name was called and out came my phone. Finally, around 2:35 I thought I heard my name called so before standing up I looked around to make sure no one else had stood up to go back. When I realized that yes, my name really was called I threw my phone in my purse and went back. Once back there, the NP came back, examined me and stated that it was ok to move forward with chemo on Friday. Then, the topic of discussion became my hair. First, the fact that I had chopped it off, then the fact that it was highlighted purple :) I explained that it has faded considerably because Ryan had claimed it was very Katy Perryish when I had it done but they liked it and thought it was fun! I told them that I had recently gone to Macys and when paying for something a girl complimented my hair and then asked if I did it for fun. I wasn't really sure how to answer that question other than "yeah, I did do it for fun" but really, what kind of question is that? What if my hair was always purple? I mean, I like it and would do it again. Anyway, after getting the go ahead, another nurse came in to draw my blood. It seems like now that I only have one arm to work with my veins don't want to cooperate. She did however get it on the first try but the flow began to slow down quite a bit which is never good. I just knew it was going to hemolyze (when blood cells rupture and are no longer functional meaning they can't spin them down to run the tests). After this I was on my way. I had one stop to make before going to Target then head home and while there I received a phone call from the Cancer Center. Well, it was a nurse calling to tell me that my blood had hemolyzed (what do ya know) and I had to come back for it to be drawn again. So, within 45 minutes I was back at the Cancer Center getting my blood drawn, again! This time I was stuck twice. The first time she missed and dug around for awhile until I finally told her that she wasn't going to get it and she should probably try another vein. That is exactly what she did and of course she got it. Thank goodness because after being stuck 3 times and having band-aids all over my arm I was done. I am hoping that as planned the port will be placed sometime between my first and second chemo treatment because the IV needle and catheter is a little larger and of course fluid will be infusing and I really don't want it to infiltrate and have to be stuck multiple times. Not to mention, that chemo can cause tissue damage and with only have one arm to work with in the future, I just don't want to have any issues. Ok so, like I said, it's a go and my first chemo treatment will be Friday and it will last approximately 5 hours so it will be a long day! I'm ready though :) 

Not in the plan...

Monday I saw Dr. Stalnecker and FINALLY I got my last drain taken out!! I had those awful drains hanging from me for a month! I had almost forgotten what life was like without them. I constantly had to work around them whether I was trying to get dressed, take a shower or sleep always hoping that I didn't catch them on anything (which I did a few times and it was excruciating). I also almost forgot what it was like to wear my own clothes! I was always wearing Ryan's zip up hoodies because they were big enough to hide the drains and easier for me to put on. So, when he finally took it out I was ecstatic!! It has been so nice being able to move around, take a shower especially and get dressed without any tubes hanging from me :) We also talked about the fact that yes, one of my expanders has been removed which I hate and never thought I would have to deal with but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it, it is much better out than in with an infection that made me miserable. Since it is gone though, I have the option of having a prosthetic until I can have surgery again. Now about that, surgery. We were thinking that I would have a new expander put in after chemo was complete which would begin the reconstruction process again which also means I would be looking at 2 more surgeries in the Spring but this was pending that I don't have to have radiation because radiation changes EVERYTHING! As everyone knows I was praying for NO radiation mainly in vein because of the cosmetic side of everything, however, God has another plan for me. After my chemo teach session where a nurse told me what to expect as far as my chemo sessions and everything in between, Ryan and I met with Sharlee and the Radiation Oncologist Dr. Wei. I was totally optimistic going into this consultation telling Ryan that I only had one met so I didn't think there was any way I would need radiation. Ryan on the other had said that he felt a little different. He said he didn't know why but he thought that radiation was going to happen. So, as I said, we met with Dr. Wei. When he came in we began at the beginning talking about everything that had happened leading up to this point. It's hard to believe that so much has happened in 2 months. The hardest thing for me has been the change in the way I look and feel in this short period of time and the big change in the way I will look the closer I get to my first chemo treatment. However, I know that these things are temporary. Not temporary enough but then again, if I look different for a year or possibly a little longer, that is a short time compared to the rest of my life which I know will be a LONG life! It is just something I have to keep reminding myself. Someone I know had sent me an email at the beginning of all of this and told me that when her husband was diagnosed with cancer (he is now a SURVIVOR!!) someone sent her this verse in an email "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." Like her, I have found that this verse really helps me get through some days. So anyway, when talking to Dr. Wei, he began to explain to me what radiation is and how they go about giving the treatments. I was a little confused because I thought, "why is he telling me this when I'm not going to need radiation?" Well, he was telling me all of this because I DO need radiation. WHAT? Radiation? This was not in the plan. I mean, NONE of this was in the plan because I of course never planned on having cancer at the age of 30 or EVER for that matter. As we know though, that is not the case so I will continue to fight and be positive through this time in my life and look forward to being a SURVIVOR myself at the end of all of this! Ok, so radiation. Radiation will begin about 4-5 weeks after chemo is complete. It will be Monday through Friday for 6 weeks and I will be at the Cancer Center for about 30 minutes each time for about 1-2 minutes of radiation. I know that 1-2 minutes doesn't seem long but apparently it's long enough to do the job. Long enough to cause the side effects of discolored skin and also long enough to make the skin hard enough to make it difficult for that reconstructive surgery I will still need. I need radiation because studies have shown radiation to be effective in preventing cancer from returning when there have been positive lymph nodes. Well, I had one positive lymph node with extracapsular extension meaning that it had gone a little bit outside of the lymph node. It was my understanding that they thought they got all of the cancer during surgery so I asked, "isn't that why I am doing chemo, to get rid of other cancer cells that may be floating around? It was only a micro met with a little caner outside, why would I be a candidate for radiation?" Dr. Wei said that radiation has shown to be beneficial when there are as few as 1-3 positive lymph nodes. So, with that news, I have no idea where I stand as far as reconstruction. We will have to wait and see what Dr. Stalnecker has to say on the 16th as far as my options and how long after radiation I have to wait. Oh, and as far as chemo is concerned, my 1st chemo treatment has been moved to Friday the 13th because of my infection. I will not receive my port until between my 1st and 2nd treatments because Dr. Nate wants to be sure the infection is completely gone. Lastly, as I mentioned before, I prayed for NO radiation mainly because of the cosmetic side of things but I also am willing to do whatever I can to prevent this cancer from returning so if I must do it as it helps in my chance for survival I will do it!

Small Set Back...

So I know that it has been awhile since I have updated but I do have an excuse! You know, Ryan and I have always wanted a condo somewhere that we can go and get away, preferably near the beach but we never thought it would be so close to home. When I say close to home, I mean the 3rd floor the Community North Surgery Center because this is the 2nd time in 1 month I have had an overnight stay and there was no beach. Let me explain. Everything since surgery on Nov 4 has gone smoothly. All of my dr appointments have gone well and I was feeling mostly normal other than the fact I can't lift my right arm above my shoulder yet and I had 3 drains hanging out of me but otherwise things were going well. Saturday, Ryan took me to get my hair done and I chopped about 8"-10" off, dyed it darker and then highlighted it purple, yes, I said PURPLE!! I wanted to do something that I normally wouldn't do, something FUN since I knew it would all be falling out in about 4 weeks. I will say that it is different and I have actually received quite a few compliments. The rest of the day was fine and it felt good to be out.

The Cut

Dying Process

                                   PURPLE Hair                                 

Then, there was Sunday...
Sunday, I woke up shivering, lightheaded, nauseous, had body aches and a headache. So, I thought, "great, I'm getting the flu." All day I ate crackers, chicken noodle soup and drank Ale-8 to settle my stomach and went between my bed, the couch, and the dog bed, yep, the dog bed which Rocky loved. Some of my friends will tell you we have the most comfortable dog bed and it is huge! Earlier in the day I had checked my temperature and it was 100.8 so I called Sharlee, told her my symptoms and asked if my symptoms were something I should be worried about because I am 3 weeks post op. She was a little concerned so she paged Dr. Stalnecker to have him call me back. He called me back within about 15 min and as with Sharlee I told him what had been going on. He didn't seem too concerned since I was going to see him Monday afternoon so he sent in a prescription and told me to start it immediately and to take Tylenol for my fever. Ryan went to pick up the prescription and in that short amount of time I began to feel worse and began shivering uncontrollably. I went to bed and Ryan covered me with every blanket in the house. After about an hour of shivering when I was wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt, socks and was covered by every blanket we had, Ryan checked my temp again and it had gone up to 101.8. UGH! I had taken my antibiotic and the Tylenol, of course I know it doesn't work immediately but my temperature should not be going up. So, I called Sharlee again. I told her what was going on and asked her if I was just overreacting and she said, "No, get to the ER!" Reluctantly we got up and I grabbed my trash can for the ride since I was so nauseous and off we went to Community North ER. Luckily it was Sunday because when we got there, there was hardly anyone else there. This was great because I don't know what I would have done if I would have had to wait because I have never felt so miserable in my life. After Ryan filled out my paperwork because I was shivering so much I couldn't do it, they took my vitals and my blood pressure was sky high and I had a temperature of 104.4! I know, 104.4, I couldn't believe it either. I don't think I have ever had a temperature above 102. They immediately put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me back to my room. They couldn't get the IV started fast enough. They started some fluids because I was really dehydrated since I couldn't keep anything down and they also gave me some pain meds because I was having so much pain in the right side of my chest and thank the Lord I received some Zofran (anti-nausea medication). Within about 30 min I was beginning to feel better as far as the pain and nausea went however, I was still shivering. The ER doc ordered an x-ray and an ultrasound of the right side of my chest because they were concerned about an infection in my right expander. After being there an hour, before going to any of my tests, the nurse came back in to check my vitals. Once again my temperature had gone up. Yes, I said UP! My temperature had gone up to 105.2!! There had to be something wrong. Why was my temperature going up? She gave me some Tylenol and we continued to wait. At about 3:00 am my temp had finally come down to 101.7, my pain was under control, I wasn't nauseous, I still had a headache but they felt comfortable sending me home but told me I had to follow up with Dr. Stalnecker at 9:00 am. So, home we went to get a few hours of sleep before heading back to the dr.

Monday...
I got up and, ugh, I felt awful again! I didn't have a fever but the pain and nausea was back. We went to see Dr. Stalnecker and the 5 min I was waiting was the longest 5 min of my life. It is so hard to wait when you feel MISERABLE and when you have no idea what is going on. They finally called me back, I hopped on the table and the exam began. It didn't take long to determine, there was an infection in my right breast. When the word infection came out I wondered, "Did I hear that right? Infection? How could I have an infection 3 weeks post op?" I took all of my antibiotics after surgery and I'd kept it clean and dry. Dr. Stalnecker told me that when there is an infection usually it appears 2 to 3 weeks post op. I asked if I could just take a round of strong antibiotics and if that would clear it up and he told me no, looks like I would be having surgery to remove my right expander that afternoon. Apparently when the ER doc had called him the night before, he had already been thinking I had an infection and had already booked an OR for 1:00 pm. I asked him what happens as far as reconstruction when an expander is removed? He said that as long as I don't need radiation we can replace it and start the reconstruction process over again once chemo is completed. Once chemo is completed? You mean, I can't get a new expander until next Spring? Well, the answer is yes, that is correct. He explained that if I have radiation, the muscle hardens and cannot stretch again so we would have to go another route as far as reconstruction goes. I'm crossing my fingers and praying for NO RADIATION!!! So, he sent me on my way and told me to return to the Surgery Center at 11:45 and he would see me in the OR at 1:00 and surgery would last approximately 45 min to an hour. I couldn't believe it. Everything had gone so smoothly until this point and now here I am going to surgery again. Once I got to the Surgery Center, I waited a short bit and I guess I looked so bad that they put me in a separate waiting room for privacy which I thought was really nice because if I was going to lose it in the trash can, I would rather not do that in front of the entire waiting room. They finally took me back and it was time to start my IV because boy did I need that Zofran! I only have one arm to work with, my left, because of the lymph nodes being removed in my right. I normally have really good veins but I know I was a little dehydrated. The nurse went for my wrist, in went the needle and...it blew. She looked around my arm and hand a little bit and was very nice to say she would let someone else take a look because she didn't want to stick me a bunch of times. Another nurse came in and looked around and thought she would be able to get the IV in my arm. So, in went the needle and she said "I got it! Oh no wait, I don't have it. Hold on." Then she proceeded to dig around in my arm which left me screaming. Needless to say, still no IV. They finally had the Anesthesiologist come in and he numbed me up a bit and got the IV started. Thank goodness because I don't think I could take much more. They went ahead and put me on a cart to wait for surgery since I was in so much pain, that way I wouldn't have to move too much. They had given me some pain and anti-nausea meds as soon as they started the IV and 45 min later I still felt awful. I told Ryan that if the meds didn't kick in soon he would have to let the nurse know so she could do something else. Then, I felt wet. No, I didn't wet the bed, I felt my arm wet. Ryan pulled back the covers and sure enough, the IV had infiltrated. My arm was swollen, the IV was out and the bed was wet. He went and got the nurse and in came the Anesthesiologist. He numbed me up again and got the IV restarted. About 10 min later I was in surgery. I have never been so ready for surgery because I felt so bad and they told me I would feel 100% better after surgery. Sure enough, I woke up in recovery and they were right, I felt 100 % better. Then they wheeled me up to my room for the night where Ryan met me. I will say that I did feel better but as far as surgery goes when it comes to pain, this surgery was so much worse than the 1st surgery. I have had so much more pain and soreness but at least I feel better than I did Sunday and Monday. Tuesday morning we headed home.

Rest of the week...
Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty rough because I was SO SO sore and just couldn't catch up on my pain. My family also arrived Wednesday for the Thanksgiving Day holiday! It was so nice having everyone here this year. I NEVER thought everyone would come to Fishers, IN for a holiday. I had wanted to go home so bad but Ryan and I had already talked about it and decided it probably wasn't the best idea and then Monday happened so it actually worked out that everyone had already decided to come here. One thing I would like to mention about Thanksgiving is the AMAZING people Ryan works with. I know I have talked about how AWESOME they are before but they really outdid themselves this time. See, every year we have each holiday meal at my grandparents house. This year everyone was going to be here and there it was too hard to fix food in KY and bring it here and well, my kitchen just isn't big enough to do everything here. So, my grandmother decided that to make it easy we would just cater it in. We had already settled on Cracker Barrel. Now I don't know if Ryan's coworkers heard him asking someone about where they get theirs catered or if they just asked him what we planned on doing but regardless, according to them, we were NOT having it catered. Ryan explained to them that this is what we wanted to do and we were already planning it and we didn't want anyone to go out of their way on their own Thanksgiving. Well, it wasn't an option. His boss' wife made breakfast as well as a side dish and his mother made our turkey and one of his other coworkers made 2 other side dishes and brought them over. Ryan tried to explain that we weren't catering it in because we weren't capable of cooking dinner ourselves, we were just doing it to make things easier. They explained that they understood that but still wanted to do this for us. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. We cannot thank them enough! Ryan is so blessed to work with such wonderful people! Thanksgiving turned was wonderful and it was great having everyone in our house. Even though I couldn't do much since I had just had surgery the beginning of the week, it was still just so nice!! Thanksgiving could not have gone any better :)

Now that Thanksgiving is over, Monday I have a follow up appointment with Dr. Stalnecker, I have my chemo teach session since I am supposed to begin chemo on Friday and I see the Radiation Oncologist to find out if I will have radiation. Everyone cross your fingers and pray for NO RADIATION!! Ryan had run into Dr. Bhatia when I was in the hospital on Tuesday and he told Ryan I could go ahead and come in on Friday but more than likely chemo will be pushed back a week due to the infection. Also, I have decided to go ahead and get a port because I do not want to go through what I went through on Monday with the IV each time so we have to get that surgery scheduled and that may not be possible until next week. So, I have a feeling chemo will be Friday December 13. I know, Friday the 13th, I must be crazy but who knows, maybe it will be a good day :) Continuing the FIGHT!!

Chemo...

Yesterday was a LOOONG day of appointments. The 1st one having nothing to do with cancer was our Wellness Exam for our health insurance, this one beginning at 9:00 am. Next, Dr. Stalnecker (Plastic Surgeon) at 10:10 am, Dr. Nate (Breast Surgeon) at 11:30 am and lastly Dr. Bhatia (Medical Oncologist) at 1:30 pm. So, we began at 9:00 and were out of the doctor's offices at 3:45, it was almost like a full day of work.

I'll start at the beginning with Dr. Stalnecker. We went into his office and low and behold there was another KY FAN waiting in the waiting room! You see, I get excited about that because we don't see so many of those here in the Hoosier state but there are definitely more than you would think. However, this KY fan we found out was not from IN but from Nashville, TN. He was a father who was waiting with his daughter who obviously had breast cancer. I know this because she had clearly been through chemo and was now waiting in the Plastic Surgeon's office. She was young, like me and said she had just moved here 1 year ago. We didn't talk about our cancer, only about KY basketball because as everyone knows, that is what we live for as Wildcat fans! After our conversation about our new KY players and how we felt about their performance from the previous night which I am sure all of the women behind the desk loved because I am sure they are all IU (who Ryan states barely got past beating the girl's school when they played the other night LOL), Purdue or Notre Dame fans, I was called back. I couldn't wait for this appointment because I knew I was getting at least 2 of my 3 drains that I have left taken out. So, I handed my drainage tracking sheet over to the nurse and hopped up on that chair ready to get my drains out. The nurse started to set up and said, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I wouldn't be surprised if the dr. doesn't take all 3 out. I told her that was ok because I figured the axillary (one in the armpit) drain would not come out because I know it's still draining quite a bit so she just got stuff ready for 2 of them to come out. Dr. Stalnecker came in, looked at my drainage tracking and said, "So close but I think they need another week." I told him, yeah I figured that one would stay in another week and he said, "No, I mean all 3." All 3, really, ALL 3?!?! I mean, who doesn't want to keep their drains in as long as possible? Oh, well, I guess I'd rather have the drains than have an infection! I may not have gotten any drains out but I did get more saline/saltwater injections in my expanders so they are getting there :) My next appointment is Monday so we will probably pump them up a little more.

After a little break and some much needed Starbucks since we had to fast for our wellness exam, we saw Dr. Nate. When we got to his office, we saw the KY fans again! I realized at that time she had not had her surgery yet. We did things in an opposite manner. She, chemo then surgery, me, surgery then chemo. Anyway, I was called back and Dr. Nate came in and talked about my pathology report again. Since this was my follow up surgery appointment, we talked about surgery again, went over the report and then I asked some questions. He of course said my tumor was about 2.8cm x 2.5cm x 2.0cm which he removed. He then said I had that micro met in my lymph node of which he took 19 out and the cancer had gone outside of the lymph node a little bit which is why they are talking about radiation. I then spoke to him about the numbness, tingling, sensitivity and burning pain on my right side from from my shoulder blade to my elbow. I asked him if this was normal, will this go away and will I get feeling back? He told me to give it a year and by the end of the year, however it feels then is probably how it will be permanently. Well, if that is all I have to deal with then I'm fine with that. It's definitely better than cancer! He also said that I may have to do a little physical therapy because it is still difficult to lift my arm above my shoulder and he said that is normal as well with the number of lymph nodes he took out.  He did his exam and said everything looked good and he would not need to see me back for 6 months or unless I need a port for chemo put in because he would be the one to do that. So, good news there!

Last, we saw Dr. Bhatia. When we got to the cancer center, there were so many cars in the parking lot there wasn't a parking spot, Ryan had to park on the side of the building. I told Ryan that it is really sad that there is not a parking spot in the Cancer Center parking lot because that means there are a lot of people there for treatment. When I went in to register, there was hardly a seat to sit and wait. After about 20 min, I was called back. Dr. Bhatia talked about my final pathology report as well and then wanted to talk about chemo. He explained that nothing about my cancer has been clear cut meaning there has been no clear cut yes or no answer to anything other than the diagnosis and the fact that I had to have the mastectomy because we could not preserve my right breast. Other than that everything has kind of been in between. I know that doesn't make sense and honestly I didn't know that was possible because I thought the whole treatment process what clear cut. Well, I was wrong. He said that he feels that at this point because of my clear margins from surgery he could say I AM CURED!!! However, he did not have enough evidence to prove that I am or am not cured. He said that if I choose to take the IU approach which says, I'm under the age of 35, I've had surgery and there are clear margins therefore no chemo he would be ok with that but he would order the Oncotype 21 test which is a gene test that is used in stage 1 and stage 2, node negative, estrogen receptive positive invasive breast cancer which will basically provide a prediction of the 10 year risk of recurrence to help guide treatment decision making. However, he said that since everything else has been in the middle, these results probably would be too and I would still need to make a decision but it really depended on how aggressive I am willing to be. He then said that we could take the MD Anderson approach which says, I am under the age of 35, I may have had surgery and have clear margins but there is still a risk of the cancer recurring and we can't prove that there are no other cells in my body so there is no choice but to do chemo. Well, MD Anderson is the best cancer center in the country for a reason and of course I want to be as aggressive as possible so I will be taking chemo along with the hormone suppressing pill for 5 years called Tamoxifen. When I told my dr this he told me that he would have supported me either way but he feels I made the best decision regarding my future survival. He also gave me some statistics to back my decision up. Basically, a women at my age in my position, if I had chosen...

No Additional Therapy: 65 out of 100 women are alive in 10 years
                                   34 out of 100 women die because of cancer
                                     1 out of 100 women die of other causes
Hormonal Therapy (Tamoxifen): 74 out of 100 women are alive in 10 years
                                                25 out of 100 women die because of cancer
                                                  1 out of 100 women die of other causes
Chemotherapy Only: 82 out of 100 women are alive in 10 years
                               17 out of 100 women die because of cancer
                                 1 out of 100 women die of other causes
Combined Therapy (MY CHOICE): 87 out of 100 women are alive in 10 years
                                                        12 out of 100 women die because of cancer
                                                          1 out of 100 women die of other causes

I feel like the numbers speak for themselves. Since making my decision, a plan has been put in place. My first chemo treatment will be Dec. 6 and it will be an infusion over about 2 hours of Taxol & Cytoxan (TC). This is one of the most common treatments given to women with stage 1 to stage 2 breast cancer with minimal node involvement. The Taxol slows or stops cell division and keeps enzymes from making the proteins cells need in order to grow. The Cytoxan stops cancer cells from replicating so between the two they work together to destroy cancer. I will receive 4 to 6 cycles which will occur every 3 weeks so it will be over 12 to 18 weeks of treatment. They do treatment every 3 weeks now because they have learned the your blood count is the lowest after about 4 days from your infusion and if they are too low they have to hold the chemo. So waiting gives your cells time to replenish. The side effects can be allergic reaction, nausea/vomiting and hair loss. Nausea/vomiting is not as prevalent and they used to be because of the anit-nausea medications that are available now. Hair loss will definitely happen approximately 2 weeks from my 1st treatment. Once my hair begins to come out, I will shave my head. I have already ordered a wig which looks just like my hair and I have begun finding cute head scarves and warm winter hats! Also, Sharlee seems to think that I won't need a port because my veins look good enough to withstand the number of treatments I will be receiving but we won't know until my first treatment and since my lymph nodes were taken out of the right, we only have my left arm to work with.

As far as radiation is concerned, this is something that happens after chemo is completed. I will meet with the Radiation Oncologist on Dec 2 and he will make that decision then but Sharlee seems to think that I will not need radiation but we will let the dr make that decision. Also, on Dec 2 I will have a teaching session regarding chemo so I know what to expect and they will show me around the cancer center where treatment will occur.

I know this was a lot of info but I also received A LOT of info yesterday! I am glad we have a plan in place as far as the second part of treatment and I.AM.READY!!

Week 2...

So, it has almost been 2 weeks since surgery! I know, it's CRAZY and it's hard for me to believe how fast time goes! It's actually hard for me to believe that surgery is DONE! Originally, I would be having surgery next Thursday but I am glad it is over especially before the holidays. So, week 2. Week 1 wasn't too bad other than the fact I had to get used to not doing everything on my own because I couldn't lift my arms above my head so I needed help showering and getting dressed, getting in and out of bed because I wasn't allowed to use my arms nor did I want to and well, I needed help with just about everything. Week 2, Jo Ann came to visit and stayed for the week which was really nice that way Ryan felt comfortable going back to work and I didn't have to be by myself since Dr. Nate isn't going to release me to return back to work for approximately 6 weeks from surgery which puts me at December 16 and Dr. Stalnecker doesn't know when he is going to release me yet. When I saw Dr. Stalnecker on Monday, he told me I could start trying to stretch my arms above my head. He said it is ok to feel a slight pull but it shouldn't be a sharp pain. So, I kind of took that and ran with it because that told me that I can start doing more for myself. I can get my left arm above my head with no problem, only that slight pull. My right arm is another story which I expected since they took so many lymph nodes out of that side. My armpit on the right side hurts so bad. It is like I have pulled a muscle and it just won't loosen up. Not to mention, where Dr. Nate had to cut a lot of the nerves when taking the lymph nodes, the back of my right arm from my shoulder to my elbow into my armpit and part of my back are numb. Now, I don't know if the feeling is starting to try and come back because the skin in those places is EXTREMELY sensitive. My skin hurts to just have anything, I mean ANYTHING touch it. I have however, graduated to showering and washing my hair by myself. I know that sounds minor but you don't realize how much you enjoy taking a shower and washing your hair on your own until someone else has to do it for you. You kind of take things like that for granted. I can also dress myself but I still have to wear things that can be buttoned or zipped in the front. I made the mistake this week of thinking I could probably try and be NORMAL and wear normal clothes like a t-shirt because hey, I'm allowed to work on getting my arm over my head and well I can wash my own hair so it should be fine. Well, not fine. I put on a t-shirt by myself and I was so excited only to realize that I had no idea how I was going to get it off. After thinking about this for awhile I thought it would be better to just go ahead and take it off because later my body would be more sore and it would be more difficult. So, I got Jo Ann and we had to figure this out. We did it but it took a couple tries. Realized right then that was a bad choice lol!! Oh well, soon enough! During this week while Jo Ann was here it was really nice to get out. I can't drive yet, not until all of my drains are out because I still have 3, not to mention, my armpit hurts so bad I don't think I want to drive. Anyway, we were able to go out and do a few things but it is crazy, you try to do things like you normally do and your body just says "nope, you're done, this is enough." It is amazing how tired I get so fast and how everything feels swollen and heavy and just sore. It's ok though because it felt good and I feel I got some things accomplished! Now, Monday I have 3 dr appointments. I see Dr. Stalnecker 1st so hopefully I will get 2 more drains taken out and just have 1 left which would be really nice so maybe I can try and sleep on my side and we will pump these babies up a little more. I then have my follow up with Dr. Nate and then I see Dr. Bhatia to talk about chemo like when it will start and how often and all of that. So, Monday I will update and fill everyone in!

GOOD NEWS...

Waiting, it's what we do. We had testing done and we waited for the results. We got the diagnosis then we waited to see drs. We saw the drs and we waited for surgery. Had surgery and we waited for the pathology report. Now, we have the pathology report and now we wait to heal so I can begin more treatment. This whole waiting game has really taught me patience, something that I have never really considered a virtue of mine but now I can say I am a more patient person. I really don't have a choice because there is no way to speed up this process. Since surgery Monday, I have been at home, healing and waiting, waiting for the phone to ring to hear the results of my pathology report. Finally that call came. The phone rang and Dr. Nate was on the other end. I love that when results come in my drs don't have their nurse call me, they call me directly so that nothing gets missed and if I have any questions they can answer them immediately. So, like I said, Dr. Nate called with the pathology report. He began explaining the surgery. I know you're thinking, why explain the surgery, I'm sure you went through that multiple times before surgery but that is how these drs are, THOROUGH. Every time we sit down with Dr. Nate he starts at the beginning which lets me know that he is a GOOD dr and he cares! So, the pathology report...like I said, Dr. Nate began explaining the surgery saying that like he said he would do, he took 99% of my breast tissue, first the left then the right. When he got to the right and began removing the breast tissue, he reminded me that we originally thought there were 4 spots but it turns out I had one big spot that was big enough that when seen in the MRI it looked like 4 spots. So, he removed all of that and when he got to the lymph nodes, as he told me the day after surgery he had found some cancer so he removed a chunk. Well, it turns out he removed 19 lymph nodes. I know you're wondering, where is the good news? The good news is...he sent all of the breast tissue, from both sides, as well as all of the lymph nodes for testing. The left side, as we thought was completely clear. On the right side, he had all of the margins tested. This means that during the surgical biopsy, a rim of normal tissue (called a margin) surrounding the area is taken out to be sure the entire tumor was removed. The pathologist looks at the margins and decides whether or not they contain cancer cells. In this case, THE MARGINS ARE CLEAR which means the entire tumor was removed!! Also, the pathologist determined that of the 19 axillary lymph nodes that were removed, there was only cancer found in 1 therefore that has all been removed. So, as I said, GOOD NEWS!!! Dr. Nate stated that he would like to see me for a follow up in 2 weeks then we will need to see Dr. Bhatia again regarding chemo because as I said before, since there was cancer in the lymph nodes chemo is pretty much a guarantee. He also said he wants to get me in to see a Radiation Oncologist to see if we need to do radiation since there was cancer in the lymph nodes. I may not need radiation since most women that have a mastectomy don't however, in some cases it is used after a mastectomy to treat the chest wall and the lymph nodes left around the collar bone and underarm (axillary) area. Until I heal though, I am in the hands of Dr. Stalnecker (the Plastic Surgeon) until I heal. We can't begin chemo or anything until I heal because it increases the risk of infection.  I will see Dr. Stalnecker weekly and he will continue to inject saline and salt water into the implants. Hopefully Monday, I will have 2 of my 5 drains removed and then the following week I am crossing my fingers that the rest of the drains are removed. Things will be so much easier without these drains. I did go yesterday to see Dr. Stalnecker because I caught one of my drains on something throughout the night and pulled it out a little and it was SO PAINFUL and while there I received my first injection. It wasn't so bad but they warned me I would be sore last night and this morning because that injection is stretching the muscles in my chest. They were right, I am definitely SORE. It is an odd feeling to be numb and feel my chest muscles being stretched at the same time. So, now we continue to pump these babies up and wait to heal. Once healed, treatment can continue :) I am so grateful for my team of drs because they are SO AMAZING!!

WOW...

So, I have mentioned my daily devotion before and now I would like to mention my devotion the day of surgery, 11.4.13. As before, it's crazy how things happen or I guess I should say, it's AMAZING how God plans your life and let's you know he's there. My devotion for 11.4.13 said, 

"Walk peacefully with me through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. I will give strength to you, and I will bless you with Peace."

The verse that followed was, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

As nervous as I was, and as confident as I was in my team, after reading this devotion, I felt more at ease!

11.4.13...

11.4.13 as I know it is SURGERY DAY, the day we have been looking forward to since my diagnosis on 9.25.13. Seems kind of weird looking forward to surgery. Originally we were thinking surgery was going to be 11.21.13 so we had everything planned out from that week into the next week which is Thanksgiving. Then, when it was changed to Monday, there was no time to plan for anything. So, we just went with it because we were so happy that we were getting this done earlier than expected. Now I'm not going to lie, I was NERVOUS!!! Surprisingly I slept well on Sunday night but when I got up Monday, I didn't feel like I was getting ready to have a 7 hour surgery. We had to be at the surgery center at 8:00 am to register. We got there right at 8:00. I registered then waited for my buzzer to go off to be called back. I knew surgery wasn't scheduled to begin until 10:00 am so I thought I would be in that waiting room for awhile. Well, that wasn't the case, I only waited about 15 min. I went back and they took my vitals, which as I expected  were a little high, and they went over some medical history. After that was complete they let my family back in the teeny tiny pre-op room. I'm still not sure how everyone fit back there. Anyway, while my family waited in that tiny room I went to Radiology for a dye injection. This injection of dye was for my lymph nodes to make it easier for them to see in surgery if there was any cancer that had spread to them. After the injection I went back to the tiny room and it was time to change into that fabulous hospital gown so that I could go get my nerve block. They sent my family back out into the waiting room and  I went to get the block. I told them that since they were giving me a little anesthesia, please don't ask me any questions because I had no idea what would come out of my mouth and I told them I just wasn't ready to embarrass myself because I would probably do that after surgery when I was waking up. After the block was placed, they wheeled me back to that tiny room where I would see Dr. Nate and we would just go over really quick what was going to happen. Ryan and my grandparents came back, one last time and then off I went. Once in the surgery suite, I moved myself over to the bed I would be on for the surgery and that is the last thing I remember. Ryan told me that Dr. Nate's part of the surgery, which was the first part went over by 45 min. This was because when they gave me the second injection for my lymph nodes, they could see that some cancer had spread. So, he said that he took out 5-35 lymph nodes. I know that 5 to 35 is a large span but they just cut out a big chunk and were able to see some cancer microscopically. Microscopically is good because that means that the cancer probably hasn't been there long. However, they still sent off the lymph nodes for biopsy and we should have the results by Friday. This does guarantee that I will have chemo though and there is now a chance I will have to have radiation. That's fine though because I will do whatever it takes. Once Dr. Nate was done, Dr. Stalnecker began the reconstruction and was actually able to fill up the expanders more than he expected to be able to. I did end up with 5 drains instead of 4 because of the lymph nodes. After surgery, I was in recovery for about 45 min and then taken to my room where I had quite a few visitors. It was really nice to see everyone that came in but I can't promise I remember everything that was said because I was still a little loopy. The night went pretty well, I was up walking around at midnight then around 8:30 am Dr. Nate and Sharlee came in to see me. I asked Dr. Nate if I should be worried about my lymph nodes and he said NO so I feel much better about that but we still have to wait for the results to be sure. After they left I was discharged and was home by 9:00 am Tuesday morning. We couldn't believe it. We thought that 23 hr observation began once I got to my room but it actually began when they took me back before surgery. So, since being home, things have gone pretty smoothly. I've slept quite a bit and Ryan has done a great job by setting an alarm for every 4 hrs so I can take my pain medicine since we took my block out this morning because it was empty. He has also been emptying my drains and has made sure I am comfortable. Today though, I took a shower and have walked around a lot and even begun my exercises. Surprisingly, I feel more sore and stiff than I feel pain. The only thing that is really painful is my drain that is near my where my lymph nodes were because it's right by a nerve but otherwise, I feel pretty good!! I see Dr. Stalnecker on Monday and I should get 2 drains out...YAY!!! The next part of recovery which is chemo will begin in about 4 weeks so until then I go see Dr. Stalnecker weekly so he will remove drains and continue to pump up the expanders. Once healed we will decide whether these expanders will be permanent or whether we will do a second surgery to replace them with gel. So, more waiting but I am so glad the process has begun!! Ready to kick some a**!!