The Fight: Side effects and options...

So, it's been 6 days since my 1st chemo treatment. I can't believe it has begun! I feel like even though everything has happened fairly quickly it has still been a long road to this point and there is still a long road ahead. As I had mentioned before everything went well, except for the fact I had to be stuck 3 times just to get an IV started. Since, then though, I have definitely begun to feel the side effects. Of course when they give you your cancer binder, yep, that is what I said, cancer binder, there is a lot, I mean A LOT of information in there regarding the chemo as well as side effects. I must say too that the side effects list is not short. However, the side effects I began feeling around Tuesday included skin sensitivity especially on the scalp which made it difficult to brush my hair, joint pain and muscle aches, mouth pain especially my tongue, slight taste change and the bottom of my feet feel like I have been walking on gravel barefoot. I will say though that if the side effects do not get any worse than this, I can tolerate it and will be just fine :)

I just want to backtrack a little though because I had mentioned before that I was going to see Dr. Stalnecker my Plastic Surgeon on Monday to talk to him about options regarding my reconstruction since I had that unfortunate infection. You know, it has been kind of weird not going to his office weekly as I had been since my first surgery Nov 4. It is almost as if I'm forgetting to do something each week. Anyway, Ryan and I arrived at the 8040 Building next to the hospital that we have come to know so well and went to the 2nd floor to Dr. Stalnecker's office. When we opened the door we immediately saw the smiling faces behind the desk and they of course they greeted me by name which is so nice because normally when you go to a drs office they don't have a clue who you are. I was a little nervous for this visit only because I have been worried about what Dr. Stalnecker was going to say because I have read so many different things about reconstruction after radiation when you don't have an expander and they haven't been that great. I guess that is why you shouldn't read those types of things online. I guess I should take my own advice because I always tell everyone not to look up your symptoms online and diagnose yourself because it never turns out well. After a few minutes I was called back and I put on that fabulous gown that opens in the front of course. Man I've missed that...haha, not really!! After we talked about what had gone on since the infection I asked, "so now what? I have to have radiation now so what are my reconstruction options?" He said that there are a few options however, they are not going to be as easy and cosmetically won't be what we originally planned. Oh well, as long as there are options and they look good on the outside who cares?! There are multiple options but the 2 he recommended for me was I could take fat from my stomach however, to my delight he told me I didn't have enough fat to use! Not to mention he said that this surgery is longer and the recovery is more difficult. The second option which he stated would be my best option is the latissimus dorsi flap procedure. This procedure takes tissue including skin, fat and muscle from the upper back. It is tunneled under the skin to the chest to make a pocket which is used as the expander for an implant. Sounds painful but he says it works and he has done this for many women in my situation. He said that I will need physical therapy after this procedure to strengthen my back. My next question was recovery time. He told us that this surgery requires at least 6 weeks recovery time and I will have another lovely 2 drains but it is my option, the option I will take. Now the kicker...I asked how long do I have to wait after radiation before surgery can take place? "Well" he said, "you aren't going to like my answer." My face fell and I immediately started thinking to myself "oh no, how long am I going to have to wear this prosthesis?" He asked me when will all of my treatment be complete and I explained to him that if all goes well and all of my chemo treatments occur on time they should end around the end of March. Then, 4-5 weeks after chemo ends, radiation will begin and will be 5 days a week for six weeks which would put treatment ending sometime around May which would make treatment end sometime in June but this is all only if all goes as planned. He then said that we have to wait at least 6 months after treatment is completed before we can do surgery again. He said that I can come see him at 4 months and we can begin to plan but then we have to wait. After the 1st surgery, I'll have the 6 week recovery time then another 3-6 months after that to fill my expanders then I can have the final surgery for the implants. So looking at that timeline I have 2 more surgeries and about a year and a half to go. I know it seems like a long time but it is only a year and a half compared to the rest of my LONG life so I will do whatever I have to do.

Now, fast forwarding back to Tuesday, as everyone knows, another side effect of chemo is hair loss. Since my first treatment was 6 days ago they say that at about day 10 you begin to lose your hair and it is all gone in about a week. Well, this wasn't going to happen to me. I mean, it was going to happen but I was going to control when the hair came out. So Tuesday Ryan picked me up at 5:00 and we headed to my stylist's house to shave my head. My stylist Michele has been doing my hair since I moved to Indiana 8 years ago. I didn't want to go to the salon to do it because I wasn't sure how overwhelmed I would be so she invited me to her house to do it there. Ryan also needed a haircut and had to cancel his last appointment so his hair was getting pretty long but instead of him going into the salon she said she would just cut his hair the same night. On our way there I was nervous. What girl wouldn't be? Girls aren't supposed to be bald, at least not by choice. Well, there are some I guess that do it by choice but not this girl. Ryan held my hand all the way there and said that he would go first. We arrived and after some talking we got down to business. Ryan sat in the chair first and Michele got the clippers out and began trimming up the back then all of a sudden she went across the top of his head. It took a minute to register what was going on. I was thinking to myself "oh no, what just happened? Did she forget that it's my head that is getting shaved?" I blurted out, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ryan said, "You aren't the only one getting your head shaved tonight. I couldn't let you do it by yourself." I didn't know what to say. I know it's only hair but it was so sweet of him to shave his head with me so I wasn't alone. We've been together 11 years and I've NEVER seen his head shaved so it made shaving mine that much easier. Once his was done it was my turn. I sat in the chair took a deep breath and said, "LET'S DO IT!" She turned my chair around so I didn't have to watch it all come off in the mirror then she began cutting it with short with scissors. Once it was short enough, out came the clippers. Before I knew it, all of my hair was laying on the floor beneath me. You know, it wasn't as traumatic as I expected it to be. Maybe it is because I had been talking about it and had been building myself up for it or maybe it was because Ryan did it too but I will say that Ryan and Michele made it much easier. Once it was done Michele washed my head and I looked in the mirror. It didn't look as bad as I expected. I mean, I wouldn't have done it just to do it but since I had to do it I really didn't mind it but my head was FREEZING!! Since Tuesday, getting ready for anything has been much faster :) I still need to get some scarves because I don't plan on wearing my wig everyday but overall it wasn't a bad experience and it will be fun having many different hairstyles when it begins to grow back.