Not in the plan...

Monday I saw Dr. Stalnecker and FINALLY I got my last drain taken out!! I had those awful drains hanging from me for a month! I had almost forgotten what life was like without them. I constantly had to work around them whether I was trying to get dressed, take a shower or sleep always hoping that I didn't catch them on anything (which I did a few times and it was excruciating). I also almost forgot what it was like to wear my own clothes! I was always wearing Ryan's zip up hoodies because they were big enough to hide the drains and easier for me to put on. So, when he finally took it out I was ecstatic!! It has been so nice being able to move around, take a shower especially and get dressed without any tubes hanging from me :) We also talked about the fact that yes, one of my expanders has been removed which I hate and never thought I would have to deal with but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it, it is much better out than in with an infection that made me miserable. Since it is gone though, I have the option of having a prosthetic until I can have surgery again. Now about that, surgery. We were thinking that I would have a new expander put in after chemo was complete which would begin the reconstruction process again which also means I would be looking at 2 more surgeries in the Spring but this was pending that I don't have to have radiation because radiation changes EVERYTHING! As everyone knows I was praying for NO radiation mainly in vein because of the cosmetic side of everything, however, God has another plan for me. After my chemo teach session where a nurse told me what to expect as far as my chemo sessions and everything in between, Ryan and I met with Sharlee and the Radiation Oncologist Dr. Wei. I was totally optimistic going into this consultation telling Ryan that I only had one met so I didn't think there was any way I would need radiation. Ryan on the other had said that he felt a little different. He said he didn't know why but he thought that radiation was going to happen. So, as I said, we met with Dr. Wei. When he came in we began at the beginning talking about everything that had happened leading up to this point. It's hard to believe that so much has happened in 2 months. The hardest thing for me has been the change in the way I look and feel in this short period of time and the big change in the way I will look the closer I get to my first chemo treatment. However, I know that these things are temporary. Not temporary enough but then again, if I look different for a year or possibly a little longer, that is a short time compared to the rest of my life which I know will be a LONG life! It is just something I have to keep reminding myself. Someone I know had sent me an email at the beginning of all of this and told me that when her husband was diagnosed with cancer (he is now a SURVIVOR!!) someone sent her this verse in an email "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." Like her, I have found that this verse really helps me get through some days. So anyway, when talking to Dr. Wei, he began to explain to me what radiation is and how they go about giving the treatments. I was a little confused because I thought, "why is he telling me this when I'm not going to need radiation?" Well, he was telling me all of this because I DO need radiation. WHAT? Radiation? This was not in the plan. I mean, NONE of this was in the plan because I of course never planned on having cancer at the age of 30 or EVER for that matter. As we know though, that is not the case so I will continue to fight and be positive through this time in my life and look forward to being a SURVIVOR myself at the end of all of this! Ok, so radiation. Radiation will begin about 4-5 weeks after chemo is complete. It will be Monday through Friday for 6 weeks and I will be at the Cancer Center for about 30 minutes each time for about 1-2 minutes of radiation. I know that 1-2 minutes doesn't seem long but apparently it's long enough to do the job. Long enough to cause the side effects of discolored skin and also long enough to make the skin hard enough to make it difficult for that reconstructive surgery I will still need. I need radiation because studies have shown radiation to be effective in preventing cancer from returning when there have been positive lymph nodes. Well, I had one positive lymph node with extracapsular extension meaning that it had gone a little bit outside of the lymph node. It was my understanding that they thought they got all of the cancer during surgery so I asked, "isn't that why I am doing chemo, to get rid of other cancer cells that may be floating around? It was only a micro met with a little caner outside, why would I be a candidate for radiation?" Dr. Wei said that radiation has shown to be beneficial when there are as few as 1-3 positive lymph nodes. So, with that news, I have no idea where I stand as far as reconstruction. We will have to wait and see what Dr. Stalnecker has to say on the 16th as far as my options and how long after radiation I have to wait. Oh, and as far as chemo is concerned, my 1st chemo treatment has been moved to Friday the 13th because of my infection. I will not receive my port until between my 1st and 2nd treatments because Dr. Nate wants to be sure the infection is completely gone. Lastly, as I mentioned before, I prayed for NO radiation mainly because of the cosmetic side of things but I also am willing to do whatever I can to prevent this cancer from returning so if I must do it as it helps in my chance for survival I will do it!