The New Girl...

No, I didn't meet a new friend and there is no new girl at work to speak of but the new girl I am speaking of resides on the right side of my chest!! That's right, I have a new (partial) booby...YAY!!! So let's back up a little bit. Before vacation I found out that I would have my reconstructive surgery on the right side July 25th at 9:30am. Now remember that with the original surgery November 4, 2013 when I had my double mastectomy, reconstruction was started at the same time. Three weeks later I ended up having a MRSA infection on the right side and had to have my right expander removed. I had to wait 2 months after chemo was complete to begin reconstruction on the right side again. Ever since I found out what day my surgery would be I have had a countdown on my phone because I can't begin to tell you how ready I have been to get rid of my prosthesis. When Wednesday came I was already so ready for surgery Friday that I barely slept. Thursday, I went to Dr. Stalnecker's office so that he could ahead and mark me for surgery. After being marked I returned back to work. By that night almost all the markings had worn off...UGH!!! So, I pulled out the permanent marker and told Ryan to do his best tracing the faded lines. He wasn't a big fan of doing it because he said if I had a messed up boob it would be his fault haha! Friday morning came and I was ready for surgery!! I was ready to take the next step to getting back to normal. We arrived at the Cancer Center at 7:40am so that I could have my port accessed because since I only have one arm for IVs, I really didn't want to be stuck when the port makes it so easy. After my port was accessed we headed across the street to the Surgery Center. I checked in and they immediately took me back! I couldn't believe it, I was getting ready to take this next step in my journey. Once I was in my pre-op room, I got to put on the lovely green gown with the fabulous blue socks, oh and a hair cap.

Ready for surgery!!

Once I was in  my surgery garb the dr. that was going to put the pain block in came to talk to me so I could sign some papers then not long after I was headed to get the pain block. I walked to the room where they were inserting the block and it was FREEZING!! I laid face down on the table, he gave me a few meds to make me a little woozy and in went the block. I was then returned to pre-op on a cart. Dr. Stalnecker came in for the last time to make sure I was ready and of course he asked if the marking stayed on. Ryan had to tell him that it had faded and he had to trace the lines. He left, the nurse came in and wheeled me back to surgery. It was time to get a new booby!!! Once in the surgery room I scooted myself over to the surgery table and the last thing I remember was the nurse telling me I looked really tan and I told her that we had just gotten back from vacation. Next thing I know I'm waking up in post op. Everything is still a little blurry until they took me to a room. My plan was to go home but the nurse or I guess I should say, Dr. Stalnecker put a wrench in that. The nurse told me that Dr. Stalnecker had ordered another bag of antibiotics and since I had received a bag in surgery, they were not able to hang it until 11pm. She said I could still go home but of course it's not recommended since I had an infection last time and we are trying to prevent one this time. So, needless to say, I stayed, reluctantly, overnight. Ryan was finally able to tell me about my surgery. He said that since I had so much time to heal since my last surgery, the muscle and skin had tightened alot so when they put the expander in they were unable to fill it very much. He also told me that they had to tear muscle tissue down from my upper chest and bring it down to help make the pocket for my expander. The plus this time was that I only ended up with 1 drain!! I received the antibiotic, then my last dose of pain medicine at 5:00am so I was ready to go home at 5:30am. Our dogs were so happy to see us when we walked through that door. Since surgery and returning home, the pain block emptied by Sunday morning so Ryan pulled it out, I have been really sore, kind of like I've been kicked in the ribs and the drain hurts so bad but it should be coming out on Thursday. I finally was able to take the bandages off the new girl and shower which felt awesome! So, Thursday I return to Dr. Stalnecker's office to have my drain removed (YAY!!) and to get my expander filled a little more.

I'm a SURVIVOR...

WOW...SURVIVOR, that is so awesome to say!!! When I was first diagnosed with this horrible disease, my world just like every other woman or man that is diagnosed with the big "C" was turned upside down. At no time did I feel like I had been handed a death sentence but I knew I had a fight ahead of me, a fight I was bound and determined to WIN!!! As I have always said, I have had the most AMAZING support system. You know, someone asked me the other day if I ever went to any of the support groups considering my age. I looked at her and said, "No, my support system has been so great, I never felt the need to go." Not that I don't feel that they are wonderful groups and they are so supportive and help many people get through this, I just never felt my place what in one. I have tried very hard to keep a positive attitude from the beginning and I feel that is one of the biggest challenges but also one of the most important things to do. Attitude really is everything. Since seeing my Plastic Surgeon and finding out that I am eligible for surgery I have begun to look forward to it even when I didn't know when it would be. I know that sounds crazy, "looking forward to surgery" but I am. I am ready to take the next step in the recovery process and have my expander replaced and just really have another boob haha!! Yes, I am concerned about the risk of infection again since it did happen the first time but the risk is much lower than before. When is surgery scheduled you ask?? JULY 25th at 9:30 AM!!! I am more than ready to begin to get back to normal.

Physical Therapy
Also since seeing my Plastic Surgeon I had a follow up with Dr. Nate my breast surgeon. He did an exam making sure I had not developed any lumps. He said that everything looked GREAT and I don't have to see him again until next year!! While I was seeing Dr. Nate though, I mentioned to him that I had begun having some tingling in my hand on the right side. He said that I would need to do physical therapy so that we can try and prevent Lymphedema. In about a week I received a call from the Physical Therapy office and had my first visit scheduled. During my first visit I talked to the Physical Therapist about my medical history and what has been going on. She took some measurements and said that I wasn't swelling so it seemed like I could have the beginning of Axillary Web Syndrome or "cording". Cording sometimes develops as a side effect of sentinel lymph node biopsy or axillary lymph node dissection both of which I had. Both procedures involve removing just a few sentinel lymph nodes or many axillary lymph nodes which I had 19 removed. In axillary web syndrome, you'll often be able to see and/or feel a web of thick, ropelike structures under the skin of your inner arm. Lymphedma Therapists often call these "cords." In some cases, like mine, you may not see or feel the cords but the sensations of pain and tightness will tell you that they are there. They are still trying to figure out exactly what causes cording but some believe that surgery to the underarm and chest area traumatizes the connective tissue that encases nearby bundles of blood vessels, lymph vessels and nerves. This trauma leads to inflammation, scarring, and eventually hardening of the tissue. This hardening can spread down the fibers of the connective tissue which causes the cords to form. So anyway, as far as my treatment is concerned, my PT gently massages and stretches the cord tissue for about 45 minutes. Right now this is still pretty painful when she does it and I am sore afterward but I can tell a world of difference after 4 visits. I also have gentle stretching and flexibility exercises that I do twice a day. She also recommended a compression sleeve that will apply just the right amount of pressure to the arm and hand getting the lymph fluid moving in the right direction. This is not something I have to wear all the time, just if I feel my arm getting achy or if it begins to swell because the risk of lymphedema is lifelong so it is a preventative measure.

I know it has been awhile since I updated but here it is and now I just wait for my first of 2 surgeries that I have left!! However, before then we will be going on vacation and I am so so so EXCITED!!! I really need a break :)

Like a BOSS...

I know that New Boobies sounds a little crazy lol :) Well, this is something I have been looking forward to!! Since I had surgery in November, I have been looking forward to this but i never thought I would be through so much in  months. Since my diagnosis I have been through a mastectomy with reconstruction, an infection where I spent a night in the ER and surgery hours later to remove the reconstruction that had been done, the loss of my grandfather that meant so much to me and has supported me through this journey and was there the day of my surgery and had cancer at the same time I did and didn't even know it, my first day back to work, the words that meant SURVIVOR and now the chance to redo my reconstruction!! When I say a lot has happened, it isn't an understatement!! March 28th I completed my last chemo!! It was so exciting but of course it was something I never thought I would feel excited about!! Afterwards, I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with my grandfather that had been there from the beginning, supporting me, and I was there supporting him. He got a blood clot in his leg in February and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that he would have been told it was PANCREATIC CANCER!! Really?!?! Cancer DOES NOT run in our family!!! What are the chances that 2 of us would have cancer at the same time? He was at my surgery supporting me and who knew that he had cancer at the same time?? It is still mind boggling to me. After I had the opportunity to spend 1 week with him I had no idea it would be the last time we would have an actual conversation. After that week, I came home and shortly after he went into the hospital after having a stroke. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. I was able to talk to him on the phone but not long enough because it was too tiring for him. I felt like I had been through so much and I was doing so well and he was one of my BIGGEST supporters, it wasn't fair that he was going through this! I struggled with the fact that I was doing so well but yet he was not. I just couldn't feel happy for myself and still struggle with it. After a couple weeks, he passed on April 21, 2014. It is still hard for me but I am grateful that he called me more than normal just to see how I was doing, he came to IN to visit 2 times which I thought he would NEVER do and we seemed closer than ever. Since then, I have seen my Oncologist, Dr. Bhatia and he said, " I won't say mission accomplished, but I will say that we accomplished what we hoped to!!" I was hoping to hear the words, CANCER FREE but the nurse that came in afterwards to flush my port said that Dr. Bhatia just doesn't say that. I get it but I was hoping for it but I will take "we accomplished what we hoped to!" I was started on a pill for my hot flashes because they have been out of control. Ryan asked him him the million dollar question "can we have children?" Basically he said that at this point I have gone through menopause (chemopause) and in 1 year I should know if this is permanent. He said that at my age I have a very good chance that it will reverse itself but he can't be 100% sure that it will so we just have to give it time. He also started me on Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressant that I will take for the next 2-3 years. I have to take a hormone suppressant because my cancer was hormone positive so this pill will help to decrease the risk of me developing breast cancer again. Now, since seeing my Oncologist, I have also seen my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Stahlnecker!! I was so excited to see him since we had originally thought I was going to have to have the muscle flap surgery that honestly would have SUCKED!! Now, since I don't have to have radiation, I don't have to have the muscle flap surgery and I can just have the expander replaced!! I can't believe it!! So much has happened in the last 6 months and everything that could go wrong did go wrong but I was blessed to find out that I didn't have to have radiation so my reconstruction could begin!!! I am beyond ecstatic about this and I wish my Papaw was here to see it but I know he is watching over me and knows exactly how blessed I am :) So, I am now waiting for a phone call from the surgery center to tell me when my reconstruction can begin!! I can't believe I have beat this awful disease but I have and I am ready to move past it and get back to normal life :)

Holly's Rack Pack...

Okay okay, I know I have been negligent in updating this blog so this is way past due considering Race for the Cure was April 12. In my defense, A LOT has happened since then. Anyway, on April 12, 2014 at Military Park in downtown Indianapolis, I had to opportunity to join thousands of other breast cancer SURVIVORS as well as honor those who have lost the battle in the race to find a cure for this disease. I know people that have participated in Race for the Cure multiple times but I for one have never had the opportunity to participate myself. I have always known that it is a big deal and a lot of people participate but really, until I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself I never realized how many people are affected by this nasty disease. I don't mean to sound naive but I honestly just never thought about it. About a month before the race, Fishers sends out a monthly magazine and in the March issue there was an article about Race for the Cure. In the article it talked about how last year there were something like 25,000 people that walked in downtown Indy. WOW!!! I had no idea it was that big!! So, I knew we were in for something special when we decided to be part of it. Before the race, Ryan created a team for us so that we could raise money and he named it Holly's Rack Pack!! I loved the name :) Once the team was created on the Komen website, it automatically creates an email that can be shared with others so that they are aware of your plan to walk and raise money. Ryan set our team goal at $1,000. Almost immediately people started joining our team and donating money. Once again, I was so overwhelmed by the amount of support. I realized again how many FABULOUS friends I have that have been with me in this fight and AMAZING family support of course. When you signed up to be part of the team, you pay the fee to race and of course you receive a t-shirt just like you do for any race. Long before registering for the race we talked about making our own shirts. After about a week of people registering and donating money I asked Ryan if we should still make our own team shirts. He said probably not since people will be paying for their Susan G Komen Shirt. I asked him to go ahead and design one and see what happens. So, he contacted one of my best friend's brothers and asked if he could assist and in one night they came up with a design. We released it the next day and believe it or not we sold 57 t-shirts. The t-shirts were $10 but we sold them for $20 so that half of the proceeds could go to Susan G Komen. We were able to make a $570 donation to Susan G Komen!!!! That was so amazing and meant so much to me. I had no idea so many people would want to buy a Holly's Rack Pack shirt :) When we arrived at the race, there was not a parking spot in sight. We had to park about 1.5 miles away. CRAZY right ?!?! Anyway...once we got there, we made our way to the SURVIVOR tent. I went through and they were giving away patches to survivors. When they got to me, they asked, "how long have you been a survivor?" I thought for a minute and realized it had only been about 2 weeks since my last chemo treatment so, I said, "2 weeks!!!" To my surprise, everyone cheered!!! It was the most awesome feeling I have ever felt. I deserved it!! I had fought hard and had been through so much over the last few months, I deserved that cheer, I earned that cheer!!! However, they gave me a medal and a patch and it all still felt so surreal. It still doesn't seem real. After that, we met my team before the walk. I had about 25 people with me and I have never felt so supported!!! Of course my family has ALWAYS supported me in EVERYTHING but this was different. It is hard to explain the feeling. I had friends, and people that I had only worked with for a few weeks that cared enough to be part of this experience. And an experience it was!! It was moving and happy and sad all at the same time!! I felt victorious but sad for those who had lost their lives in the fight as well. We walked about 1.5 miles just to get to the start line!!! Can you believe that?!?! A 5k ended up being about 5.5 miles but it was SO WORTH IT!!! I will be part of the Susan G Komen Race from here on out. While at the race we had several people comment about our shirts which made me feel so good!! Since then, we have had multiple people ask about them so we are ordering more!! It is so unbelievable!! We set our donation goal at $1,000 and we finished at $2,898!!! Can you believe that??? Now that we are selling more shirts, we will be able to make a donation and probably reach $3,000!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought we could raise that much money for breast cancer research!!! I just want to thank everyone that was involved!! I know that a thank you isn't enough but it means more to me than you will ever know!!!!!!!! :) I am more than grateful to be a SURVIVOR and I pray for those everyday that are diagnosed that they will will SURVIVORS as well :)

My love!!

Couldn't do it without my rock!!

Patti and me before the race :)

WOW!! What a crowd of walkers!!

BFFs! Shannon and me after the walk :)

Work FAMILY!!

BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD :)

DONE...

Okay, so since the last update I have nervously been awaiting my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Wei. I had come up with my list of questions and was just ready to get the appointment over with. Ever since I met with him, before I even started chemo, I was not happy when he told me that I needed radiation. First of all, his reason for radiation was basically because the cancer had spread to my sentinel lymphnode, however, during surgery I had that lymphnode along with 19 others removed. Secondly, I wasn't happy because that makes reconstruction that much harder since I had my expander removed. It makes it harder because it hardens the chest wall which means we can't put the expander back in without having a muscle flap procedure which is a lot more painful and a lot more difficult. When he first told me I had to have radiation, I cried. I went to see my plastic surgeon to find out what my options were and that is when I found out it would be at least another year before I could think about having surgery again. I was really upset but then I began to come to terms with it. I figured that I went into this knowing that I was going to do everything I could possibly do to prevent the cancer from coming back. So, I knew that once chemo was over, I would wait 4-5 weeks and then I would begin radiation. Then the last day of chemo came and I knew that radiation was right around the corner and I had questions. I was just so nervous though going into that appointment, Dr. Wei thinking we are having a quick consult planning the next step only for me to let him know that I wasn't sure I wanted radiation, the reasons why and to question him. I know that is my right but I didn't want to feel like I was making the wrong decision so I needed to get my questions answered then decide what was best. Ryan picked me up and we headed over to the Cancer Center, my second home. We actually got there 15 minutes early so I thought for sure I would go back on time. An hour later, after watching people come in and go back, I was finally called back. We went back into an exam room and waited another 15 minutes. I could hear Sharlee and Dr. Wei talking outside the door and I wondered if she was giving him the heads up about what I was thinking. Finally, they came in. Dr. Wei started talking about radiation and the reasons to have it and not to have it. He told me that there is a gray area when deciding to have radiation when you have one positive lymphnode. He said that typically if the cancer on that lymphnode is under 2mm you don't do radiation but if it is 2mm or bigger you do and mine was exactly 2mm. Of course it was!! Anyway, he then began to say that I also had 19 other lyphnodes removed which I don't think he realized when we met the first time. He also said that there is no research or statistics to back up having radiation when there is only one positive lymphnode and you have 19 removed. He asked if I had any questions and of course I didn't because he had already answered every one I had written down. So, with that being said, I DON'T NEED RADIATION!!!!! I couldn't believe it when he said that. He said that he just couldn't justify doing radiation knowing that it wouldn't necessarily improve my survival especially since I am also going to begin taking Tamoxifen which is a hormone suppressing drug for 10 years. He said that he felt that I really had done everything I could possibly do to prevent my cancer from returning. Of course if it ever comes back, I will FIGHT again!! I couldn't believe that my treatment is finally DONE!!! NO MORE CHEMO AND NO RADIATION!!! I meet with Dr. Bhatia on the 25th and then I will really feel DONE!!! Lastly, when I left the Cancer Center I immediately called Dr. Stahlnecker, my plastic surgeon to set up an appointment so that we can begin to plan for reconstructive surgery!! I see him May 8th and there we will come up with a date for the 1st surgery which will hopefully be withing the next few months, after vacation of course because Ryan and I REALLY NEED a vacation :) So, with treatment being complete I only have 2 surgeries left and then this will all be behind me and I will be a SURVIVOR!!!!

CHEMO IS OVER...

  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S ACTUALLY OVER!!!! When I began this journey 6 months ago everything seemed so overwhelming and so far away. We were going to multiple dr.s appointments each week for months getting pumped full of information and plans. Chemo seemed so far away. Now, by the grace of God, it's over and I'm done with chemo!! When I walked in the Cancer Center December 13th for my first cycle, I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect and not knowing how I was going to feel in the weeks between that treatment and the next. The first cycle was a little rough considering I didn't have my port yet so they had to stick me multiple times to draw blood then again to start the chemo infusion. I was already fairly bruised by the time I left and said that I had to have my port by the next treatment and I did. The first 3 weeks between treatments went pretty well. I did have some side effects that were unpleasant but I actually felt pretty good once they subsided. When I returned for my 2nd cycle and reported my side effects they told me that my fatigue and some of the other symptoms would be cumulative meaning that with each treatment they would continue building in my system and I would probably feel worse and worse and more and more tired each time. Well, cumulative it has been but I will say, it has all been worth it so far to beat cancer! So, as I mentioned, chemo is over and it officially ended March 28, 2014!!!!

LAST CHEMO...CHECK!!

Genetic Testing...

While in chemo of Friday I received a call from my Genetic Counselor Kaylee. After speaking with her in February I decided to go ahead with the BreastNext genetic testing panel which would test 18 genes. By testing these 18 genes I would know if I am at risk for any other types of cancer and I may also find out where my breast cancer came from if there are any mutations. I was hoping that there would be ZERO mutations because of course I don't want to be at an increased risk for other cancers but then again I was kind of hoping to have a mutation on that breast cancer gene because I wanted to know where my cancer came from. Well, the results are in and I couldn't be happier!! Analyses of 18 genes was NEGATIVE and I was found to NOT be a carrier of a mutation for any of the genes. This means that I do not have the associated increased risks for breast and other cancers associated with these genes!! With that being said, since there was no mutation on the breast cancer gene, so we still don't know where my cancer came from. However, I am ok with that because that also means I am not at an increased risk for it to come back. That also means that this cancer had to come from something environmental or something I have ingested which is scary! 

What's next...

Monday, April 7 we will meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I have many questions for him and am uncertain that radiation is the way I want to go. There are so many long term effects and I am not sure I want to be part of those. I will hear him out though and get my questions answered then make my decision from there. If I do decide to move forward with radiation, it would start in about 4 weeks. Once it is complete 6 weeks later I could potentially begin reconstruction next year sometime. If I decide to not move forward with radiation, I will be able to contact my Plastic Surgeon and move forward with reconstruction in the next few months. So, we shall see :) 

Almost to the finish line...

LAST ONE...
Reflecting back, I can't believe how far I've come as well as how fast things have happened. Friday, March 28th I reach the end of chemo!!! I am so excited to be done I can't stand it!! It is crazy that it has been 6 months since my diagnosis, 5 months since surgery and 3 months since I began chemo. SO MUCH has happened in such a short time. When I learned that I would have chemo, the first thing I did was rush out to find a wig because I knew for sure I didn't want anyone to know I was bald. I bought a wig that looked like the hairstyle I had which was long, layered and highlighted. Then, I cut my hair and not long after that I shaved my head. Since being bald, I can say I have only worn my wig a handful of times. I was so worried about it and yet, once all my hair was gone I didn't really care. When it has been cold outside I have worn a warm toboggan on my head and now that it has gotten warmer, well, I won't get carried away, not really warm but not brutally cold, I have been wearing scarves and Chemo Beanies which are so much more comfortable on my head. Since surgery, my range of motion has returned however, it is still difficult to pick up anything the slightest bit heavy and not feel it in my chest right away or the day after. That will come with time though. I will probably start feeling back to normal when it is time for my next surgery then I'll be starting all over. Oh well, that's the way it goes :) Also, since beginning chemo I have blown up I feel, like an Oompa Loompa lol!! Something they don't tell you is, with all the steroids, no matter how hard you try to be healthy, you are going to gain weight. I couldn't go to the gym because of risks of the germs and getting sick but I tried to stay active, however, those steroids slowed my metabolism tremendously. I guess I'll just have to work harder at the gym. Anyway, within 6 months, I received my diagnosis, had 3 surgeries and have had, by Friday, six 5hr cycles of chemo. I will be so glad when I don't have to sit in that chair for half the day every 3rd Friday!! After my last chemo treatment, I will see the Radiation Oncologist April 7 to talk about when I will start radiation. I will at least get a 4-5 week break before it starts. So, I am almost to the finish line as far as chemo is concerned!!! I have just one more step before I am done with treatment then I have 2 more surgeries but at least treatment will be over :)

Look Good Feel Better...
Monday evening I went to the LGFB program that is put on by the American Cancer Society. It is a program for women that are receiving cancer treatment whether it be chemo, radiation or both. When I arrived, there were only 2 of us in the class which isn't typical they said. The other girl there looked fairly young, like me. We began the class by watching a video about the program then we got to open our little bag of goodies they gave us which contained makeup. LGFB is free of charge and is a workshop to teach beauty techniques to female cancer patients to help combat the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment. When opening the bag I was surprised to find all types of makeup, makeup brushes, moisturizing cream and nail polish. All of these things are donated to ACS by the company that makes them for the purpose of this workshop. We had so much fun learning how to fill in our eyebrows and making it look like we had more eyelashes than we actually do! We also learned new ways to tie a scarf and we tried on some wigs just for fun. When the class was almost over, the other girl in the class and I began to share our stories. I found out that she is 33 years old and also has breast cancer which ran in her family. She began doing chemo first and has not yet had surgery. She also found her lump on accident and was diagnosed 1 month after I was. Our stories were very similar however, she had so many questions about surgery since she has yet to decide what surgery to do and I was so happy to share my experience with her and I hope it will help her to decide what is best for her. It was also really nice talking to someone close to my age and going through the same thing. It was nice and sad at the same time. Sad because we are too young to be going through this and it seems like there are more and more young women being diagnosed with breast cancer every day. So, with that being said, CHECK THOSE TA-TAs!!!!

1 MORE LEFT...

Save time. That was what I was trying to do when scheduling to have my blood work done the day before chemo. Save time is what I didn't do lol!!! Thursday, the day before chemo I arrived at 12:40, 5 minutes before my appointment to have my blood drawn. I thought for sure I would go in on time since a blood draw was all I was having done. Forty-five minutes passed and there I was, still waiting. I had just had a coffee and really had to go to the bathroom but I knew that as soon as I went they would call my name. Then I thought, "who am I kidding? I've been waiting 45 min, I might as well just go because they obviously aren't calling my name anytime soon." So, I get up and head into the bathroom. I took my time and went ahead and wiped the numbing lotion off of my port so that was one less thing we had to do when I went back. I washed my hands and walked out and what do you know, as soon as I opened the bathroom door I heard "Holly Pennywitt". I thought to myself, "maybe I should have gone to the bathroom sooner." Anyway, I went back and as I sat down the Phlebotomist asked, "Are we accessing your port today?" and I said "Oh yes!" I'm not about to be poked 100 times because my veins want to be difficult when I can easily have my blood drawn from my port. I know it is a much bigger ordeal since it has to be a sterile process but that's how we were going to do it. So, I had to move to the other room because it had to be accessed by a nurse. While getting everything ready the nurse asked me, first "how long have you had your port" and I answered "3 months", next "have you ever had any problems accessing your port" to which I answered "no, none at all." She said, "ok great because some people have tricks to accessing their ports because they have had issues." I assured her that mine has been perfect so far. Once ready she says, "ok now, 1, 2, 3...uh oh, this doesn't feel right." I'm thinking, "are you kidding me? There have NEVER been any issues, just smooth sailing and now all of a sudden, uh oh?" She said, "hmmm, that's weird, I know I stuck it right in the middle, let me try again." I mean, c'mon, this is the reason I got the port, so I don't have to be stuck multiple times, but luckily, I had the numbing lotion on so I couldn't feel it. Again, "1, 2, 3,....mmm, got it!" Yes, finally! She proceeded to draw my tubes of blood and of course made small talk because it is awkward when it's just the 2 of you and you sit in silence but then again, the small talk can be awkward too lol! Within about 5 min the blood was drawn then we were de-accessing my port and I was out of there thinking that I was glad this part was done so that we could save an hour at chemo.

CHEMO DAY #5...
Same thing just a different chemo day :) Ryan picked me up at 12:30 and we headed to the Cancer Center where we arrived at 1:00. I signed in and thought I would for sure go back soon especially since I already had my blood work done. Then, another 45 min later I heard my name. I went back and did the normal stuff, saw the normal people then waited, yep that's what I said, waited. This time I had already done my blood work the day before so I didn't have to wait for that but I did have to wait for my anti-nausea meds and chemo to be mixed in the pharmacy. So, needless to say, time was not saved. We actually got out of there an hour later than the time before when I had my blood work done that day. We left around 6:30. Oh well, I of course went ahead and scheduled for my blood work to be done the day before my next treatment which also happens to be #6, my LAST & FINAL treatment!!!!!!!!! I.CAN.NOT.WAIT to be done with this part of the journey :) I also can't wait for my hair to start growing back lol!! I know it won't be overnight and will probably take awhile to really start growing in but I still can't wait!! Sometime after my last treatment I will meet with Dr. Wei, my Radiation Oncologist and we will begin radiation but we have to wait 4-5 weeks after my last treatment because we have to make sure my white blood count has come back up. I just can't believe it has already almost been 6 months since the diagnosis that changed my life, 4.5 months since surgery, I've completed 5 chemo treatments and I am getting ready for my LAST ONE!!!!! It has all gone so quickly, it almost doesn't seem possible but the support has been tremendous and I can actually say that I am 1 step closer to kicking cancer's butt!!! I more step to go :)

Chemo #5

Since chemo...

I would have posted sooner but since chemo I have had this awful virus. This time it was Monday before the side effects hit me. I had the normal nausea which this time I just decided after talking with my nurses to take my Zofran scheduled so that the nausea didn't get out of control and it worked. I did however have that awful taste I get in my mouth. I absolutely hate it because everything tastes bad, even water, UGH! Sunday I had started with a cough and was SO TIRED but other than that I was alright. By Monday I started feeling a little different than normal. I checked my temp and it was low grade at 99.5. So I started taking NyQuil and stayed in bed all day. Normally I would hate that but honestly I didn't want to get up. By Tuesday I wasn't any better so I called the Cancer Center because I didn't want it to get worse and I talked to the Triage Nurse who said my NP said based on my symptoms it sounded like a virus so continue treating it over the counter and if my temp gets above 100 to call back. I did what she said, continued with the NyQuil and stayed in bed. By that night I felt like I had the flu and I had a temp of 100.3. Yikes! Well, it was too late to call the Cancer Center so I took some Tylenol and told Ryan that if it was still up in the morning I would call. By Wednesday my temp was all over the place but it didn't go above 100. I then started taking Sudafed thinking maybe it would work because the NyQuil obviously wasn't working. I took it scheduled through Wednesday and Thursday and finally by Friday I could get out of bed and function like a normal human being lol!! Thank goodness because I don't think I could take another full day in bed! The dogs were in heaven laying in bed with me all day for almost a week but I was so ready to see some daylight. Now, since I have been able to function since Friday, I have still not left the house. I mean, I have been outside but I have been NOWHERE since last Sunday so we are looking at a week and a day here folks!! Oh well, at least I am feeling so much better, only tired which is to be expected...HALLELUJAH!!

Oh and don't forget to click on the link below to register and join my Race for the Cure team!!

Holly's Rack Pack

Chemo sucks but I can do hard things...

OK, so after today I will have 1.MORE.LEFT!!!! I can really say I AM ALMOST DONE!! Of course Ryan does well reminding me when I feel like crap that we are SO CLOSE :) The last treatment has been the worst so far and I felt really awful for about a week. Ryan even had to stay home one day. I told him that even though I was probably not half as bad as some people in the sickness after chemo department, I now understand why people say "no more". Not that I would do that especially with only 2 treatments to go, I just now understand where they are coming from and I will never again say, "I can't believe they gave up and said no more treatment when it's helping" because now I GET IT!! Honestly, I am really not looking forward to this one today, who am I kidding, I don't look forward to any of them but with the side effects getting worse each time, I just dread them that much more. I just keep playing over in my head what my friend Tarah Pace Wright told me. "I CAN DO HARD THINGS!" Anyway, I did go get my blood work done yesterday to save us an hour today which will be nice other than the fact we will be leaving in rush hour traffic on a Friday but I am just grateful to be almost finished. Then I get a short break, like 4-5 weeks and then begin my radiation but my hair will grow back WOOHOO!!! Oh and hopefully I can begin to lose some of this weight I have put on because of the steroids. Man, I feel like I'm blowing up like a balloon lol!! Looking forward to returning to the gym the day I return to work, April 14. However, I am going to have to get some new sports bras that will fit my prosthesis because I tried to use it when walking the treadmill at my neighbors and luckily I was there and not in public because it definitely didn't stay in place. I was a little lopsided haha!! That will look a little odd at the gym so I will need to fix it before returning because I AM returning!

Just a little update for what's to come! I will update again after chemo #5 :)

Oh and don't forget my Race for the Cure team "Holly's Rack Pack"
Holly's Rack Pack

 

2 left...

TWO.TREATMENTS.LEFT!!! Yep, that's right, only 2 more to go. I completed chemo #4 last Friday, Valentine's Day. Of course, just like with my 1st treatment, we received 5 inches of snow!! AHHH! I am so tired of the snow!! We have already had like 60+ inches of snow this year and we are only in February!! I think saying that I am so ready for summer is an understatement! Anyway, chemo. Like I said it snowed and of course it began hours before I was to go to chemo which means that no one knows how to drive because they freak out at the first flake. Ryan picked me up with intentions of grabbing Jimmy Johns on our way however, since no one could drive we were 10 minutes late to my appointment so needless to say, no Jimmy Johns. Of course, as always, they were running behind so I didn't go back until 1:30. At 1:30 Ryan and I began our romantic Valentine's Day :) It began with a stylish mask so the nurse could access my port for a blood draw, then starting up the computer to finally finish Breaking Bad and an online order to Jimmy Johns. I know you are all jealous! Nothing says I love you better than chemo, Breaking Bad and Jimmy Johns haha! So, normally my blood work takes an hour to come back so we just sit and wait to begin chemo but this time it was back in 20 min! This meant that we would not be at chemo until 6:30 but it did mean we would be out around 5:00 so we could drive in all of the 5:00 traffic and snow. YIPPEE!! Chemo really went well and quickly really. I still had all of my regular visitors which included Sharlee and a few NPs but this time there was a new NP because my regular NP was out of town because her daughter had a baby. The new NP came in and I have to say, I want my old NP back. I explained to her that even with the Ambien I still wasn't sleeping. I was sleeping more than 2-3 hours but I was really only getting 5 hours max. When I told her this she said, "I'm stumped." Really, stumped? I just want to sleep. She wrote me a script for Ativan hoping it would calm me enough to help me sleep but this is after I tell her that my other NP had said that would be our next step but I'm not sure we gave the Ambien enough time. Oh well. After an uneventful 4 hours we left and headed home. Night one went pretty normal as always but Saturday, ugh, it hit. I was already nauseous. I began taking my Phenergan and actually took a 3 hour nap. The next few days, Sun-Thurs I continued feeling nauseous and taking my Zofran. Like I mentioned before they told me the side effects would get worse each time and they weren't wrong. This treatment really made me say, "CHEMO SUCKS" and dread the next 2. However, I do just have 2 left so that is definitely something to look forward to! Then 2 weeks after chemo is complete I will be walking in the Race for the Cure with my team that Ryan created which I am really excited about then I will begin 6 weeks of radiation at the end of April or beginning of May. Once that is complete, we wait for my next reconstructive surgery which should be at the end of this year or beginning of next year. However, I am already SUPER NERVOUS about it. I talked to Sharlee about it and she did say that she would not sugar coat it and tell me there is nothing to be nervous about because she said this surgery is a BIG surgery. It cannot be done in the Surgery Center so it will be in the hospital and I will have to stay for about 3 days. After that, recovery is going to be rough and I will have to have Physical Therapy. Then, I will have my FINAL surgery. I asked her when I should have my port removed and she said I could anytime after chemo but she suggested that I keep it until my last surgery so that I have easy access for surgery and so I have it in case anything happens and I need fluids or blood drawn or whatever else. So, I am taking her advice and holding on to it. So, as I mentioned in the beginning, I am 67% through chemo!!! My next treatment will me March 7 at 1:00. Hopefully smooth sailing until then :)

Here is the link to my Race for the Cure page! Feel free to check it out, join the team or just donate to the cause!!
http://indy.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/IND_CentralIndianaAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=3885&team_id=286737

Chemo in front of the snow

Just over halfway there :)

Genetics...

I know that genetics can be a cause of cancer, however, I really didn't think that would be the case in my situation and there is no significant cancer history in my family. So, when I saw that I had an appointment with the Genetic Counselor I really wasn't sure the reason but I thought that it was something that all people diagnosed with cancer had to do. I received the paperwork to fill out for this appointment about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed and it was about 10 pages. I had to fill out my medical info as well as all of my immediate families medical info on both my mom and dad's side. So, what did I do? I waited until the day before the appointment to call my grandmother and Jo Ann to get some medical info on family members. So, anyway, after rescheduling the appointment twice, I finally made it the third time. Third time is a charm I guess :) I arrived with my book of medical info ready for a 90 min appointment wondering what we could possibly talk about for that long. However, it ended up being very pleasant and informative with a really nice Genetic Counselor about my age and it was only 40 minutes. Ok, so I said it was informative and it was but genetics is not really my thing so honestly it was A LOT of information that I really wasn't following but was trying really hard to soak it all in. She talked about my family medical history and then talked about genes and my DNA and then she lost me! Luckily, at the end of the appointment she said that she would be sending me a letter summarizing all of the info so that I could read through it and all I could think was THANK THE LORD because I wasn't sure I could even tell Ryan what went on in the appointment.

When I got home I began to tell Ryan about the appointment but then finally said, " Just wait until I receive my letter from the Counselor in the mail so you can see it on paper." I received my letter and everything seemed so much easier to understand. It first stated that Dr. Nate referred me to this appointment because of my history of breast cancer at such a young age. I know, history seems like it took place so long ago but it is now considered history. Anyway, after that there is a lot of other info but then it talks about the fact that all cancers involve gene changes but not all cancers are inherited or passed from generation to generation in a family. At least 60% of all cancer cases are sporadic meaning they are not passed from parent to child and are due to genetic changes in the cell thought to be caused by environmental factors. She stated in the consult that because of the fact I do not have an extensive or significant family history of complex cancers, it looks like I am probably part of the sporadic group and my cancer was probably caused from something environmental. We also can assume this because of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 blood test that was done in the beginning. BRCA1 & BRCA2 tests mutations in genes and since there weren't any mutations the test was negative. These results also mean that I do not have an associated risk for ovarian cancer. Yay!! Outside of this though, I have the opportunity to take a larger panel of tests called the BRCAPlus that tests 12 other genes which could potentially tell me where my cancer came from if there is a mutation on a certain gene and it could tell me if I am at risk for any other cancers depending on if there are any other mutations that may be found. Now for the confusing part, the possible results ;)

Positive: there is a mutation in one of the genes which means there is an increased risk and possibility of other cancers

Negative: does not completely rule out the possibility of hereditary cancer. It may not detect every causative gene changes. It can also be due to a case of familial cancer which is impossible to be identified through a test. This would put us back where we are now, not really knowing anything different or significant.

Variant: uncertain significance which is a change in a gene that has not yet been classified as benign or disease-causing. This would mean that the significance of the gene changes is unknown.

Doing this test could give me answers or more questions but really if it is negative, then I am just right back where I am now which is fine :) So, I am going to have the blood test and see if I find out where my cancer came from or if I am at risk for any other cancers outside of anything that can be caused environmentally.

Sorry for the dry info but I just wanted to give an update as to what has gone on between chemo #3 & #4 which is Friday. Remember, chemo #4 is Valentine's Day but after that one I will only have 2 left!!!

3 Down 3 to Go...

So I know it's been since my 2nd treatment that I updated but honestly not too much has happened :) Every day is pretty much the same considering I am not working at the moment which is making me stir crazy but then again with this so called "Polar Vortex" and 30 below temps I'm just fine sitting at home only going to the mailbox. The 3 weeks between treatments were a little worse between this 2nd and 3rd treatment compared to the 3 weeks between the 1st and 2nd treatments. I had more nausea, less energy and man have I been tired. I haven't really been sleeping at night so I try to keep myself up during the day so that I can sleep at night but I might get 3-4 hours of decent sleep at night but those aren't consecutive hours. So anyway, yesterday was Chemo #3! After yesterdays treatment I am now halfway to the end, it is in sight!! My appointment was at 1:00 so Ryan picked me up at noon and we were off. Now, I don't know why but I always feel anxious or nervous before chemo. Maybe that's weird I don't know, it's just the reaction I have. We made a quick stop at Jimmy Johns because we were both starving and the small snack size pretzels and peanut butter crackers at the Cancer Center just weren't going to cut it. We arrived at the Cancer Center and I was surprised that there were only about 6 other people waiting. Normally on Fridays when I have my appointment you can hardly find a seat in the waiting area. I don't know if it was the weather or what but of course I thought "maybe I will actually go back on time." Haha, that's funny, wishful thinking!! It was 1:30 before they called me back. Ryan and I were about to eat our arms off we were so hungry and I just knew that as soon as we pulled our food out they would call me back. Maybe that is what we should have done because then maybe I would have gotten called back sooner. Oh well. Last time I was there they gave me a script for Lidocaine cream to put on my skin over my port to numb it so that I can't feel the needle when they insert it. I applied it an hour before I left then I put a little bit more on when I got to the Cancer Center for good measure. I wanted to make sure I was good and numb because the skin there right below your collar bone is tender. So anyway, I went back and this time I wasn't in a room I was behind 2 curtains but it wasn't too bad. Of course I could here the other patient behind me snoring. My nurse came in and we put on our beautiful masks that we have to wear when they access my port and she stuck me and I was NUMB!! Yay, it worked :) With no issues she was able to draw my blood. She did that and then we waited because it takes an hour to get your labs back to make sure you are able to have chemo. The NP came in and we first talked about the side effects I had this time and she explained to me that each time will probably be worse because the chemo is cumulative. We tweaked my meds a bit hoping it will help so I'm crossing my fingers. She also gave me some Ambien to help me sleep because lord knows I have tried every over the counter med there is that would normally work and NOTHING, I mean NOTHING worked. I got my Ambien today and am looking forward to bed so that maybe I can get some GOOD sleep. She also told me my Potassium is low so she prescribed me a Potassium pill to take twice a day and of course it is a HUGE horse pill, yippee!! I'll be cutting that sucker in half for sure otherwise I think Ryan will have to learn how to do the heimlich! Secondly we talked about work. She explained to me that because of the work I do, which is working with children who are germ carriers and with having no immune system they don't think it is wise so she said they were not planning on releasing me until two weeks after my last treatment is complete which would put me back at work April 14th. I will definitely be more than ready to return to normal life by then. Shoot, what am I saying, I'm ready to return to normal life now but I will just have to be patient, something I am learning to be especially since it is not one of my virtues. After waiting an hour we finally got the first drug started, the Aloxi which is for nausea and is supposed to last 3 days in my system and the "ants in your pants" steroid Decadron. This ran for about 30 minutes. When that was complete the first chemo drug, Cytoxan was started. It ran for 30 minutes as well then I had to wait another 30 minutes after it was done before they could begin the second chemo med, Taxotere which ran 1 hour. Needless to say we were at the Cancer Center from 1:00 to 6:30. We closed the center down! They were already filling out the dry erase boards with Monday's date! While receiving my treatment, I had told them that I heard they had a drawer of scarves and they confirmed that and told me to help myself. So, I unplugged my friend the IV pole and Ryan and I went to raid the drawer. There weren't any scarves but there were a few toboggans so I got 3 new crocheted toboggans in colors I don't have. They told me that people make them specifically for cancer patients which is so nice especially when it is colder than the North Pole outside. Nothing too exciting happened during chemo so afterwards, we put on our pretty masks again for my nurse to de-access my port and I was on my way. I normally feel pretty good after chemo because of the steroids I take the day before and they steroid they give me IV push before chemo so Ryan and I usually try to run some errands and go to dinner which is exactly what we did last night :) My 4th treatment is scheduled for February 14th, yes, Valentine's Day! At least I will feel good or at least should so we can still go to dinner and celebrate afterwards. Not to mention I will be able to spend all afternoon with my Valentine during chemo!

Chemo #3...check!! 

Everything that happens and every side effect I have, my nurse always tells me...

2 down...

Friday, just as I said it would be was a LOOONG day!! It all began at 4:30 am! I know, 4:30, who in their right mind gets up at 4:30? Not this girl but since I didn't have a choice since I had to be at the surgery center at 6:00 am, I did it. So, just like the other 2 times before, we arrived at this surgery center and there were actually other people in there waiting for surgery. I really thought we would be the only ones. After about 15 minutes they called me back. This visit was much more pleasant than the last considering the last visit was when I had my infection and was absolutely miserable! While heading back with the nurse she began telling me that she was going to take me back first to go over my medical history then Ryan could come back. I explained that unfortunately I was aware of the drill. Once we got back there we went over everything then it was time to start the IV. I explained that my recent experiences with IVs have not gone well and it's not because I don't like needles but it is because my veins don't want to cooperate now that I only have one arm to work with which is why I was getting the port-a-cath. She promised that if she didn't see anything she wouldn't stick me and dig around in there. I told here where I thought a good one was and told her you can't see it but you can feel it. So, she went for it and got it without me even feeling it...YAY!!! Ryan came back and soon we were talking to Dr. Nate and the Anesthesiologist which just happened to be the same Anesthesiologist I had when I had the infection. I promised him that I would be a much better patient. At 7am on the dot they came and got me and I walked back to surgery. Before walking into surgery I had to put on the beautiful blue surgery cap but because I don't have any hair and my head stays so cold they let me put it on on top of my toboggan, not that I would really know how cold my head was while in surgery! Anyway, I told the nurse that came and got me that this was the first time I've walked into surgery and laid on that cold, hard metal table. Every other time I had been wheeled back on a bed. I didn't know you could just walk back there. I met all of the surgery nurses, saw Dr. Nate and the Anesthesiologist and before I knew it they were talking to me and I said, "Man, that hits fast" as I was out! Surgery to insert the port-a-cath which was implanted directly below my left collar bone was done in about 45 minutes. Just to fill you in on what a port-a-cath is, it's an implanted venous access device that is placed completely under the skin and is used for collection of blood samples as well as direct administration of chemotherapy into the bloodstream. As I said, my port is placed in my chest and the tip of the catheter is in a vein just above my heart.This will make it much easier for the chemo to be given and it decreases the side effects of vein and tissue damage in my arm. Surgery was over and I was waking up in recovery before I knew it. I was of course a little disoriented as I usually am after surgery and I asked the nurse multiple times if I could take the kleenex home with me. Not sure why I was so worried about the kleenex but I was and I did in fact bring them home with me :) However, the kleenex I already had at home is much nicer and softer than the sandpaper kleenex you get in the hospital. We got home around 10:30 and took a short snooze then off to get a little something in the belly before going to the Cancer Center at 1:00 for my 2nd chemo cycle.

We walked in the Cancer Center and there were quite a few people there. I felt like a veteran this time since I had been to the Cancer Center numerous times and have already had one chemo treatment. I wondered how many people were there for the first time or for their first treatment. It's hard to tell but no one was there alone! At 1:15 they called me back into room 7. I got situated by propping my feet up, covering up with my UK blanket, got my phone, tablet and book next to me along with my fabulous cherry coke from Johnny Rockets and Ryan set up next to me with his laptop so we could catch up on some Breaking Bad on Netflix. Yes people, we are still on season 5 of Breaking Bad but we will get to the end soon enough lol! The nurse came in and began with the blood work. After taking the blood we had to wait an hour for the results to make sure it was ok to go ahead with the chemo. During that hour I saw Sharlee (my nurse navigator), a few other nurses and the NP. We went over how I was feeling and how the last treatment effected me. I told them all the symptoms I had and how they were tolerable and I was hoping that this treatment would be the same. They took a lot of notes and charted EVERYTHING! Finally at 2:30 the 1st drug was administered which was for anti-nausea. Once they began administering the drugs we began with Breaking Bad. Even though we were there for 5.5 hours we only got through 2 episodes because so many people stopped by to see me which is nice. Each nurse I've met and have been involved in my diagnosis and treatment came by and some even had trainees with them that they wanted me to meet. Made me feel good! Around 6:00 pm my chemo nurse came in and said it was almost time to be discharged so we began to get our stuff together and she deaccessed my port. She told me that she sent in a script for an ointment that I can put over my port an hour before treatment so that it numbs the area and I can't feel the needle go in when accessing it. By 6:30 we were out of there and headed home. I was EXHAUSTED!! We got home and were in bed and I was asleep by 9:00! I can't believe I even made it until 9:00 because the night before I didn't get much sleep. The day before chemo I have to start taking steroids which make it difficult to sleep. So Thursday night I finally fell asleep around 12:30 am, woke up at 3:30 am, the alarm went off at 4:30 am and I was in surgery by 7:00 am. I don't count my nap in surgery as a true nap because even when you wake up it doesn't seem like you've been asleep.

Chemo #2...check!

Since chemo on Friday I have been tired and nausea has been a little worse this time. It's not too bad but I haven't felt as good as I did after the first cycle. Nausea, tiredness, taste change and mouth sensitivity have been the only symptoms so far. Luckily I haven't had to go anywhere especially since we have had over a foot of snow and it's -13 degrees outside but feels like -33. I'm glad to be snowed in because I definitely don't feel like going out in that kind of weather! Next cycle is set for January 24th so now we just wait until then!