The plan, so far...

I had been anticipating October 4 since the appointment to see the Medical Oncologist had been set. Honestly, it has been all I could think about because I wasn't sure what to expect, I didn't know what Dr. Bhatia was going to say and I had no idea what the plan would be. There were just so many questions and so many options at the time. Questions being, chemo 1st or surgery 1st, chemo before surgery or chemo after surgery, what kind of chemo, when do I have to get my port put in for chemo, lumpectomy and radiation as well or mastectomy? Of course, we know I had already chosen to have a bilateral mastectomy anyway. So, when we walked into the Cancer Center, a place I never expected to be walking through those doors especially for myself, I was anxious and really a little overwhelmed. I checked in and we sat to wait which seemed like the longest waiting period of my life. To the left was Radiation Oncology and to the right Medical Oncology. While sitting there I saw women walking out of each side having had their treatment, some alone and some with friends or family and I also saw a women with her husband and 2 grown children walk out after she had her 1st treatment. I knew that would soon be me but only with Ryan of course because I'm pretty sure they won't allow Rocky and Mocha to go back with me. I will admit that it was overwhelming to see women walk out without hair. Not that I have never seen a women going through chemo with no hair before but because I knew that would also be me. It is one thing to talk about what is going to happen but it is another to see someone actually go through it and to realize that I am one step closer to that part of the process. Finally, after waiting for what seemed a lifetime I heard my name. Ryan grabbed my hand and we walked through those double doors to Medical Oncology. Oncology, really, I never thought I would have an Oncologist but then again, who does? They took us back to a room where the LPN took my vitals and of course my blood pressure was slightly elevated but that was to be expected, but overall everything looked good. She left and said that Dr. Bhatia would be in shortly, so there we were, waiting again. I feel like all we do is hurry up and wait. Finally, the door opened and in came Dr. Bhatia, his NP and my Nurse, Sharlee. Dr. Bhatia looked at me and said, "First I need to examine the scene of the crime." I have to say that I appreciate different Dr.s trying to make a little light of the situation. He gave me that lovely half gown which I have come to know so well and stepped out. I knew the drill, nothing from the waist up and leave it open in the front. He came back, did a quick exam and before I knew it I was back in my own clothes and we were all sitting in the tiny exam room to discuss "the plan", so far. He first began telling us the history of breast cancer as well as the history of treatment of breast cancer. I'm not sure if this is something that all Oncologists do but I appreciated it because it was nice to hear why they do what they do and how they make the decisions that they do regarding diagnosis and treatment. He then applied a lot of it to me. First he asked me what my #1 goal is and of course my answer was SURVIVAL!! He then asked how I felt about having children. I told him that of course I would like to have my own if at all possible but as I had mentioned before survival was most important to me. He then began to explain that there was no way to conserve my right breast (where the cancer is), therefore lumpectomy was not an option, the largest tumor is too big. I told him that I understood and I had already opted to have the bilateral mastectomy so it was nice to see that we were already on the same page as far as surgery was concerned. With that being said, he wants surgery completed ASAP and by that I mean, he would have been happy for it to have been done yesterday. Next, we talked about chemo, to have it, not to have it, before surgery or after surgery. He asked me my thoughts on chemo and I told him I would do whatever I have to do to get rid of this. He said that he didn't feel it necessary to do chemo before surgery because first he didn't want to mess with my fertility if we didn't have to, second because he wants the surgery done ASAP. He said that after surgery they will run what they call an onc-21 test and based on those numbers we will make a decision about chemo. He said that there is a 30% chance that I may not need chemo at all which is GREAT because most people with cancer don't have that option, they have no choice but to do it. The deciding factor will be the numbers. It's always numbers. If the numbers are high I will have to have 12-24 weeks of chemo but if they are low enough I will not have chemo at all!! I am happy to hear that I "may not" have to have chemo but I explained to Ryan that the chance I will is 70% and if I get myself thinking about not having chemo I will be devastated when I do so right now I'm just praying and crossing my fingers!! The other issue with surgery is since Dr. Bhatia is wanting it so soon, there is a chance I will not be able to see the Plastic Surgeon before then therefore I would have the mastectomy and then a few weeks later have the reconstruction. That is not my favorite option but my nurse Sharlee said that she will be at the Plastic Surgeon's office 1st thing Monday morning begging him to see me before October 28 so that I don't have to wait. So, next week I should know more as far as surgery. Now, we WAIT!! There's that word again, WAIT...it's ok though because I know there will be an end to all of this I just need to be patient, which is not my best quality!